Page 61 of Reckless Rebel

“I’m not mad,” I start, but he cuts me off. “Red, you think I don’t know when you’re mad at me, it’s pretty much been your permanent setting for me since the night we met,” he huffs back at me in exasperation.

“Nope.” I pop the P. “Not mad at all, just tired from all the evening’s activities and games.” My smile is sweet but my tone is anything but, as I rip my arm away from him and attempt to go into the house once more.

This time he grabs me and pushes me into the wall beside the door, encasing my entire body with his. “Trust me, Riles, I’m not the guy for you, I’m not the guy for anyone, I’m more fucked up that you could ever know, so a game is all it can be, all it should be.” His tone is pleading as he warns me away, but his body is hard and warm against mine, telling me a completely different story.

“I’m not scared of you, Playboy.” And that’s the truth, I’m not scared, I’m pissed. At myself for wanting him, and at him for making me want him and then trying to push me away.

“No, but you should be, I’m not a good person, Riley.”

I hate the way my name sounds on his tongue, he never really uses it, and after what we did tonight, hearing it hurts more than it should. “But you are a good person, Jace, the only person who believes you aren’t, is you.” I let my hands slide up his chest and once again I feel his heart thundering beneath my palms. “Why are you pushing me away? I know you can feel it, the same way I can.” I don’t have to say what it is, I can tell by the look in his eyes that he knows what I mean. This simmering attraction between us is burning too bright to be ignored any longer. Why is he fighting it now? He’s the one who took me in the closet in the first place.

He stares right into my eyes and I feel as if his stare licks my soul. I expect to see relief, or maybe even that hunger in his gaze that I saw in the closet, but he just looks sorry. “I don’t feel anything, not anymore.” He takes a step back so he is no longer pressed against me, and my hands drop from his torso.

I follow after his retreating form, “Will you ever let anyone in?” My tone is bitter now, but I don’t care, I don’t want to hide from this feeling any longer. I hid behind Rick and then I hid behind myself, but I won’t do it anymore. I like him, why should I have to deny that?

His head falls back as he looks to the stars and then back to me. “You don’t want me to let you in, Red.” He stalks away from me, moving until he is leaning against the wrap around porch.

“Why? What could be so bad about letting someone get to know you, the real you, the one you keep hidden from everyone?” I move until I can grab his arm now and push him to look at me. “Is it because of Taylor?” I’m scared to even ask the question, but I have to know.

His head snaps back when I say her name and he looks conflicted by my question, but eventually he whispers, “Yes.”

His answer stuns me a little even though I expected it. How can I compete with that? I nod slowly, letting my eyes drop to the floor. “Well, alright then.” What more can I say? I turn on my heels and move back towards the door, ready to just go inside, shower, get in bed, and forget that tonight ever even happened.

“I killed him.” Three words that are barely above a murmur but I hear them as if I said them inside my own head, and they halt me in my tracks. My body turns without permission to look back at him, Jace hasn’t moved, he is frozen on the spot as he stares at me and speaks again, “Greg Donovan, he’s the guy who killed them: Taylor, and my sister, I killed him. I shot him in cold blood and the only regret I feel is that I didn’t make him suffer more. I should have, he deserved it, for what he did to them, for what he did to Elle.” His voice cuts off as he chokes out Elle’s name in despair, and it’s only then that more pieces of the puzzle start to fall into place in my mind. “He wasn’t a good man, he deserved it, but that doesn’t make me good either, Riley, I’m just as bad as him. I killed him to protect Elle, but mostly because of what he did, and I’d do it again if I could, so don’t ask me to let you in, because everyone I ever let in, gets hurt and I won’t add your name to that list.”

He moves towards where I remain stunned into silence and pushes past me without another word, opening the door and heading inside to his room. I can’t move, not after what he just told me. He killed someone. He took another person’s life, but does that make him bad? He seems to think so, but what about me, his family, my family? He said he did it to protect Elle, and from what I have learnt about what happened in Black Hallows, it’s clear there was some bad shit happening there that involved her, so how can he see himself as bad? If he protected her, doesn’t that make him a hero? That makes more sense, especially given how protective Elle is over him. Is this what he is constantly trying to escape with the parties and drinking? Is he just trying to stop himself from drowning in misplaced guilt?

I see the light in his eyes, even when it’s mixed with the darkness lingering beneath, he isn’t a bad person, no matter what he thinks. It’s clear he is trying to push me away, but as his words soak into my heart all I can think is how I want to be there for him, to help him. To prove to him that he isn’t bad and he deserves so much more than he is letting himself settle for. But how do I do that without falling head first into his shattered, closed-off heart?

31

Jace

The pills scratch at my throat as I swallow them down dry, I’m not in the mood to battle against my desperate need for them today. Last night was a fucking shit show. I don’t know what’s worse, the hangover from polishing off a whole bottle of whiskey in my room, the blue balls everytime I thought about the sweet taste of Riley’s pussy, or the regret at my admission to murder. Either way last night was a fucking mistake. I never should have taken Riley into that closet and danced so close to temptation, and I never should have let her hear about my dark side. She will never look at me the same again.

I stay in my room for as long as possible, hopeful that the Deckers might just leave me behind today so I can avoid Riley, but when I finally find the courage to head to the kitchen, I find her sitting at the breakfast bar alone. She doesn’t look at me when I enter but I can tell from the tense set of her shoulders that she knows it’s me.

“Morning,” I grumble, hoping to just pretend like nothing happened and go back to normal. It shouldn’t be too hard, Riley is too good for me and she knows it, she deserves someone who can give her the world, not someone who will taint it.

“Good morning,” she replies quietly, and the fact she won’t even look at me stings a little. I know it’s a good thing, that this is what I should want, to keep that line between us and make sure we don’t ever cross it again, but I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t hurt a little to do so.

The silence lingers as I pour myself a cup of coffee and I am desperate to break it, “Where’s the fam?” I ask, now suddenly desperate for them to be around, maybe Sofia and I can get out of the house together.

Finally she sighs and closes the book she is reading, “They left early this morning and they won’t be back until this afternoon.”

I frown, “You didn’t want to go with them?” I can’t imagine she actually chose to stay here with me over going out with her family, not after what happened.

She huffs but a slight smile curves onto her perfect lips, “I’m not allowed.” I must look confused because she continues with a bigger smile, “It’s my birthday tomorrow so they always disappear the day before to get me a bunch of surprises, they do it every year.”

“That’s,” I pause looking for the right word.

“Ridiculous?” She offers with a laugh, but I immediately shake my head.

“No, I mean yes it is ridiculous, but in the best way. It’s amazing that they do that every year for you,” I smile, what it must be like to have grown up with parents like the Deckers. “The only time I have ever been surprised is when Elle bought me a new car.”

Riley’s eyes widen, “She bought you a car?”

“Yeah,” I reply sheepishly, realizing how insane and over the top that sounds. “But in my defense I only accepted because she got my other one blown up, and that’s after she spray painted it pink, so it was only fair, plus she is richer than the devil so to her it was no big deal.”

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