Page 47 of Pain and Possession

"Password?"

I pause, my palms growing sweaty as I clutch the strap of my bag tightly. You get one chance Olive. One attempt to get this right. I've heard the beautiful phrase in my head over and over again since he first said it. The meaning is every bit as sad and beautiful as the man who uttered the words.

"La vita è seminata di spine piu che di fiori."Life is sown with thorns rather than flowers.

"Guest disarm override, input master code now. Code was last updated three weeks ago."

WHAT THE FUCK?

A quiet steady beep starts as I absolutely freak the fuck out. Scrambling to think of any set of numbers that might work. Again, reminded of how little I know about Noè, my mind goes blank aside from one set of numbers. I quickly punch them in, resounding myself to being caught as I brace for the alarm and whatever punishment will come with it. When the beeping stops, I nearly shit myself… for lack of a better term. My breathing is loud and heavy as I hesitantly reach for the handle of the door swinging it open. It's silent, nothing like the squeaky doors from my apartment. My internal dialog reduces to mindless rambling trying to distract my stupid heart from my situation. I just stand there for a moment, staring at the open door… at my way out like an idiot instead of actually leaving. I take a step back, half turning to retreat to the bedroom, to force an explanation from his lips.

My birthday… The code was my birthday.

No Olive. He's using you. It doesn't matter, he's just a creepy mobster that thinks he loves you.

You don't cheat on-

Cheat?

You can't cheat on someone you aren't with. Also, what the hell were you doing tonight? You were with another man. Is this how he felt… I hate that I care. Tears fill my eyes as the adrenaline wears off, too many uncomfortable and confusing emotions taking its place. I pause at the door leading out of the garage, "House, arm garage door."

"Password?"

I fill my lungs to compacity, "La vita è seminata di spine piu che di fiori."

"Armed stay, exit now."

A loud ugly sob leaves my chest as soon as I'm on the other side of the door. Outside of his house, away from him. I don't even fucking know where I am, all I know is that this shit hurts far more than it should. Even now I can’t bring myself to regret it, not a moment of it. Not trusting him last night, not exposing that ugly side of myself. Something deep in my soul has shifted, underneath the hurt feelings… I feeldifferent.Like I've taken something back for myself.

I'm still blubbering like a small child as I head down the road, according to Google maps I am quite literally in the middle of nowhere. I need to exercise more anyway; a four-hour walk to my apartment shouldn't be too bad.

Almost an hour in and my calves are burning. The entire time I've been walking I haven't seen a single car, which is a good thing considering this road has zero shoulder. Leaving a deep swampy ditch as my only option to avoid becoming roadkill. My heart flutters at the thought. How ironic would I be if I died here? Alone on this dark road. Who would find me?

Noè?

My heart flutters again, the thrill of that thought only adding to my aversion of myself. I can't help but to look over my shoulder, expecting to see the headlights of a street bike barreling towards me. I know escaping him won't be easy, that's why I have to leave New York. Get out of his reach once and for all. Until I can do that, I'll stop playing his game. He has Camilla to play with now anyway. More tears slip from my puffy eyes as I wipe my nose on the bottom of his t-shirt, the darkened sky gently giving way to purple and pink hues. Its barely visible past the tall trees that line both sides of the road, but I'm sure it's beautiful. I don't know why that upsets me even more. I let the sobs come, there's no reason to hide them. Nothing to prove and no one to be strong for out here on my literal walk of shame.

My heart stops in my chest as the unforgiving blare of high beams hit my back. I turn slightly, allowing the bright light to score my eyes as my blood runs cold. The muscles in my aching legs tense, ready to sprint into the woods if need be. I don't turn around again, nor do I stop walking. Not even when the car slows behind me, the only sound is my heavy panicked breathing and the crunch of the wheels against the unmarked asphalt. The car itself is eerily quiet, expensive probably. Which isn’t a great sign.

"Hey, are you alright?"

I nearly shit again with relief when the small voice of a girl fills my ears instead of a menacing gravelly one. When I turn, I meet a pair of large hazel eyes, "Do you need help?" She looks at me carefully, her perfectly manicured brows pinching together slightly when she notices the t-shirt, boxer, and wedge pump combo I'm rocking.

"Yeah… I'm uh. I'm okay just trying to get home."

Act cool Olive you look like a fucking crazy person.

"Do you want me to call an Uber for you?" She asks as she glances at the clock on the dash, her hand tightly gripping the steering wheel

God yes but I can't afford it.

"I'm okay, thanks though." I mutter, sniffling as my nose tries to release more snot, shooting her a tight smile before continuing on my way. The longer I sit here, the better chance I have of running into him. I tighten my grip on my phone when she creeps the car further down, following me.

"Look this really isn't a safe place to walk. I don't feel right leaving you." The concern in her voice makes me pause, once again backing up to the cracked window. She's smart not to roll it all the way down.

"I don't have much further to go, it's okay really." I lie, sighing heavily when she clearly doesn't buy it.

"Get in, I'll take you into the city."

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