Page 13 of Claimed By Him

A couple of guys smoking outside looked at me with raised eyebrows, laughing and jerking their thumbs at Frederico while some girls on my other side whispered to each other.

Fuck them. I didn’t care what they thought. I was 17 and still a virgin, so they could whisper all they wanted, but they could never brand me as a slut. I didn’t doubt that they’d already been sleeping with various guys, so I lifted my middle finger over my shoulder, then called out again.

“Frederico!”

He almost got into this car, but then stopped and turned around to face me. His face was bland, emotionless, as if he’d flipped some kind of switch.

“What?”

“What the fuck?” I put my hands onto my hips.

I literally did not know what else to ask him. Any other guy would have taken that chance to screw me without a second thought. I felt pissed, not only at him but at myself, too. I’d finally decided to go through with losing my virginity, even after various other guys had tried to seduce me, and I’d always refused. The one fucking time I actually wanted it, he was the one to refuse.

I felt embarrassed. And I felt angry that I felt embarrassed because that feeling hardly ever occurred in me. I always got what I wanted.

Frederico shook his head, averting his eyes to the distance. “Fiona, I can’t do this.”

“What can’t you do? Me?” I shrugged and tipped my head to make eye contact. “Why the hell not?”

“I can’t do any of it! Okay?” He looked crazed, as though there’d been a buildup of tension until he now finally cracked. “You can’t just come onto me and expect that I’ll immediately want to fuck you!”

“Well, sorryyy Fred!” I sang out sarcastically. “I didn’t realize that I needed to send you a fucking save-the-date card!” I lifted my hands and shrugged; he rolled his eyes. When he didn’t answer, I stepped closer to him, speaking in lower tones.

“This was supposed to be my first time! I thought you would be a good guy about it!”

“I am a good guy! Alright?” he shouted. “I just don’t feel like it!” His voice was harsh and loud.

I felt a burning sensation behind my eyes and realized with horror that I was about to cry. I’d been so angry with him that I didn’t even suspect the hurt that sizzled up my chest now.

“You don’t feel like it?” I asked, laughing sarcastically, feeling my eyes well up. I looked down to the tar road at my feet, trying to hide my emotion as much as I could. “What is wrong with you?”

He frowned now, pulling back with offense. “Nothing is fucking wrong with me, Fiona!”

My anger came back in full force. My tears broke free from my eyes as I lifted my head and shouted back at him. “So, you’re saying it’s me, then?”

“No! I—” He ran his hands through his hair in frustration and started murmuring to himself, “Jesus Christ, I might as well say it.”

“Say what?”

“I’m gay, Fiona!”

I froze, staring at him with a gaping mouth.Did I hear him right?

“You’re gay?”

“Yes! No one knows; I’ve never admitted it. I thought tonight I could try to be with you, and maybe it wouldn’t be so bad but…” He shook his head. “I just couldn’t go through with it… it felt wrong, and it was wrong, and I’m sorry.”

My anger dissipated, but my tears grew heavier for some reason. “Oh…” I sighed and tried to wipe my tears away. “Um, I get it… it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.”

I frowned at him. “Why?”

“Because I’m supposed to be the next Don Rossi!” He lifted his shoulders and threw his hands out. “I’m supposed to be ruthless and unforgiving, and I’m supposed to enjoy going to strip clubs with the guys and fuck all the women, but I just can’t! That’s not me, and I can never tell my dad that!”

“Well—” I searched for the words, not finding much success. “You could, I don’t know, you could try?” Frederico rolled his eyes and faced away from me. “You could do things your own way! You don’t have to fuck anyone if you don’t want to!”

“You don’t get it! Okay?” he shouted, and even though I knew he was more upset with himself than with me, I began to sob quietly. My heart was breaking for him. “I don’t want that life! None of it! My father is pushing me to start taking more responsibility and to make my first kill, but it’s too much! I can’t do it!”

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