Page 3 of And the Best Man Ran Away With the Groom

GLOSSARY

Footy - Football. in Victoria this would refer to Aussie Rules (played in the Australian Football League). Also known as the best sport ever invented.

Grog - Alcohol

Fuckwit - a common Aussie insult probably on par with ‘dickhead’ and ‘wanker’ (which are also common Aussie insults)

2

Xavier

Iwake to the pungent scent of incense burning somewhere nearby and know instantly that my parents must be here. I let out a loud groan and flop over onto my stomach, burying my head under my pillow, but now that I’m awake I’m registering just how hot and stuffy it is in my bedroom and there’s absolutely no chance of getting back to sleep.

I drag myself out of bed and tug on a pair of gym shorts before venturing out into my lounge room where, sure enough, my mum is brandishing a stick of incense like it’s a magic wand or something, muttering under her breath about the bad energy of the place.

“Mum, no,” I groan, rubbing a hand over my face. “I don’t need my house cleansed.”

“Sweetheart, the aura in this place is just all off,” she says with a rueful shake of her head. “No wonder yesterday was such a disaster.”

I roll my eyes. “Yeah, that’s why my fiancé left me at the altar. Bad juju in my house.”

“Don’t get smart with me, Xavier,” she chides. “I’m just trying to help so you can embark on a life of prosperity and joy.”

I sigh. “Wonderful. Where’s Dad?”

“Downstairs, watching the cricket,” she says distractedly. I nod and start to move toward the stairs when I hear Mum calling after me. “Oh, sweetheart, I need a list of all the places you and Jack made love in this house. Every surface needs to be cleansed.”

I shake my head sharply, trying to erase her words from memory. “No, Mum. Just no.”

“Okay, I’ll just assume it’s everywhere then.”

I groan in annoyance and hurry downstairs before she can pry any further. My house isn’t opulent by any stretch, but it’s built into the side of a hill, which left space for a basement-style second living area, where I’ve set up another TV with a gaming console, Mum and Dad’s old pool table, and a makeshift bar. This room has definitely been a popular hang-out location for my group of friends over the years since I bought this place, so I’m not entirely surprised when I get down there and find not only my dad but my best mate Alastor with their arses glued to the couch, their eyes fixed on the T20 match playing out on the screen.

“Grab us a couple of frothies, will you, Xav?” Dad asks, not even glancing up from the TV.

I roll my eyes and stride over to the fridge, retrieving three bottles of Furphy before joining Dad and Alastor on the couch.

“Shit, they’d better get a wriggle on,” I say as I catch a glimpse of the score. “How many overs left?”

“Three after this one,” Alastor informs me.

I take a long sip of my beer and shake my head. “Not going to be much to defend.”

The words are barely out of my mouth when the Aussie batsman at the crease takes advantage of a poor delivery, smashing the ball into the stands for six runs.

“Yes!”Alastor cries, slapping his leg enthusiastically. “Come on, let’s see more of that.”

“A lot can happen in three overs, boys,” Dad says sagely, sipping at his beer.

True. Especially in this fast-paced format of the game. Australia could add another thirty or forty runs if they really put their feet on the gas. Or, conversely, their remaining wickets could be knocked over before the innings has even played out.

“Xavier, darling,” Mum calls down the stairs, interrupting our cricket chatter. “Did you and Jack make love anywhere down there?”

I toss my head back against the couch with a groan of annoyance. “Please stop saying ‘make love’,” I call back. “And no.” Of course, that’s a lie. We fucked many times on many different surfaces in this room, including the couch I’m currently sitting on, the pool table, and the bar. But I’m not about to let Mum come down here and turn my sanctuary into some kind of new age, vegan, aromatherapy wellness room.

“I’m not sure I believe you,” she counters.

I let out a deep sigh. “You can’t come down here. Alastor has allergies.”

---