Page 100 of Of Thorns and Beauty

Even if he has sealed both of our fates.

“After what happened with Ulla, if that was even her name, I’ve learned to trust my gut. I’ll admit that when you arrived, I allowed my suspicious nature and the weight of all that was happening here to cloud my judgment...but for better or worse, I do trust you now.”

Worse. It’s for worse, I want to tell him.

Instead, I offer him a wan smile that barely reaches my eyes, tainted as it is by the sick feeling in my own gut.

He studies the rose for a moment before placing it back in the vault.

“No fallen petals today,” he says, resigned.

I walk toward him slowly, wrapping my arms around myself. My heart is breaking for him. For his people. I hate the despair that is permanently etched into his ruggedly handsome face.

Einar takes in my expression and moves his hand toward my face.

"I still have the flower, and it still has petals." He gently caresses my cheek, his own features turning sympathetic, as if, against all reason, he wants to comfort me in this moment. "There is still hope to be found."

And that's what undoes me completely. I squeeze my eyes shut, closing the gap between us and hiding my face in his chest. She has made a game of torturing him, with me as her most recent pawn, and still, he tries to offer comfort rather than receive it.

"I'm so, so sorry that she did this to you," I say, my voice breaking.

I’m sorry for all of it. The poison, the rose, and so many other things that I will never be able to explain to him.

He stills in surprise for a fraction of a moment before wrapping both of his arms around me, holding me tightly to him while I steal the comfort I don’t deserve.

Chapter Fifty-Two

He holds my hand, his fingers interlocked with mine the entire way back to his rooms. I can’t find the strength to let go of him, to allow anything to separate the connection I have with him in this moment.

My time here is running out. Damian will be waiting for me tonight, and this bubble I’ve allowed myself to linger in will burst, raining down around me like a thousand jagged shards of glass.

When we get back to his room, there is a note from Leif that Sigrid is asking for Einar. I make the excuse that Khijha needs to be taken outside again and that I will meet up with him after. His brows raise, but he nods wordlessly as I take the passageway back to my rooms.

Throwing a cloak around my shoulders, I grab the small coin purse that I have been saving and stuff all of the jewels I brought with me inside it before making my way toward the stables.

I close my eyes against the cold, taking deep gulps of the crisp, fresh air. When I open them again, I spend a while just soaking in each and every snowflake, admiring the way they shimmer under the sunlight.

While the icy landscape doesn’t have the bright, flashy colors of the island, it’s hard to believe I missed the way it sparkles with a kaleidoscope of subtler shades.

Images of a vast desert crawl back out from the recesses of my mind. The light would glint and glimmer on the dunes the same way it does on the vast snow-covered hills, shining like gemstones all around me.

While the Mirrored Desert had sandstorms that you could see from miles away, Jokith has something majestic in its own right, like the way the storms roll off of the mountains, billowing clouds of fog, and snow streaming down to the ground in a wave of icy air.

Khijha makes a show of rolling around in a pile of snow, and I can’t help but smile at her as she shakes it off and does it again. She was made for this. A small part of me wonders if, after all of my protesting, I could have been, too.

It hardly matters now.

When I reach the stables, Sarah Agnes is overjoyed to see me. She prattles on about how hard she’s been working with Gideon and the new tricks they’ve been mastering.

Her sincerity is overwhelming, and it’s all I can do to hold up a hand to stop her.

“Sarah, thank you for taking such good care of him. But I need you to do me one final favor, and please, I’m begging you, do not ask why.”

When I’ve finished giving her instructions, she pinches her eyes shut, but nods stoically.

If any of this is going to work, I need to be able to trust her. It doesn’t escape my attention that the last time my plan hinged on trusting someone else, my sister died.

But I am not that girl anymore, and when Sarah promises me she will do this, I allow myself to trust my gut and believe her. I pull her into a hug, surprising both of us, before I force myself to leave.

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