Page 13 of Trust and Obey

“I must be out of my mind,” I said aloud.

“Pardon me?”

I spun around. Kendall had just stepped out of the bathroom with the cubes of ice wrapped in a paper towel still pressed against his head. Instantly, my gut tightened in a familiar way it always did when I set eyes on an attractive woman.

I couldn’t do this right now. I had to get my head on straight. Pun not intended.

It wasn’t that I was necessarily opposed to any attraction to Kendall, in theory. It was just that this had never happened to me before, and I needed space to figure myself out.

“You should go,” I said and winced a little inside with how cold my voice sounded. “Take the rest of the day off. I’ll be fine.”

Kendall looked surprised and maybe a little hurt. I ignored it, turning away.

“All right,” Kendall said after a moment. “If you need any further assistance, you can call or message the front desk using your in-house tablet.”

I nodded, my back still turned away, and didn’t relax again until I heard the front door to my villa open and shut.

He probably thinks I’m blaming him for being clumsy.

The thought stung, but I pushed it aside. I had my own problems to work through without worrying about what my relaxation consultant thought about me.

At least, that’s what I told myself.

I paced around the inside of my villa, looking longingly at the pool, but in the end, I decided to stay dry.

Would it be so bad if I truly were attracted to another man?

The thought bounced around inside my mind like a ping-pong ball, and as much as I tried to bat it away, the answer always boiled down to: No.

No, it wouldn’t be a bad thing, but it was new, and it was surprising, and it was something that… I wasn’t sure I was ready for.

Suddenly, the luxurious villa seemed too small, too stuffy. I had to get out of here and get some air.

My stomach rumbled and I remembered that I still hadn’t had lunch.

Changing quickly into a pair of Bermuda shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, I left the villa and strode down the winding pathway through the artfully landscaped jungle forest.

In the distance, I heard the high-pitched laughter of children, the playful shrieks of women, and the rumbling amusement of men. To my ear, there seemed to be a lot of male voices. I wondered if there were same-sex couples vacationing here, too.

That thought left me a little more lonely and confused than ever.

More lonely, in fact, than I had felt since Lauren and I separated.

The muscles in my jaw tensed. “I need a drink.”

Luckily, this was a resort and there were bars aplenty. After a couple graceful curves around landscaped bushes, the wooden path led back to the beach. A tiki-type bar was set up under some shade. I made a beeline to it.

I had barely sat down when a friendly looking woman asked for my order.

“Whisky sour on the rocks.”

“Sure thing,” she chirped, then glanced at the bar-back who had just come from around the corner with what looked like a new tray of ice. “Kendall, can you make a whiskey sour for this gentleman?”

My stomach fell to my shoes.

Kendall looked just as surprised. I noticed a small, neat bandage over the left side of his forehead before I looked down again, pretending to be engrossed with the menu.

Inside, I was stewing. Why couldn’t the universe grant me a freakin’ break? Just this once.

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