Page 23 of Lawless Deception

ChapterThirteen

Roxy

Idon’t speak to the fucker next to me the whole way to wherever the fuck he’s taking me. Some clapped-out, half renovated warehouse where all theganglive like one big happy fucking family. Obviously, I know that’s not true because I’ve seen the list of properties Maddox and Zak own, and whilst they do own a warehouse, it’s not their home or even their base but simply a warehouse. Despite outward appearances, the Lawler brothers are an entity all by themselves. They have people that work for them, sure, but they don’t operate the same way as many of the other criminal organisations do, and they aren’t affiliated with any other gangs. Not like they were before.

Even if I wanted to speak to Maddox, I’m not sure I could. I’m still reeling from that kiss. It had my toes curling into the rich, thick carpet and butterflies flitting through my belly. His threat alone had my clit throbbing and my nipples as hard as diamonds. The thought makes me shift in my seat and combined with the tense atmosphere and heat inside the car, I need some air. Rolling down the window, I breath in the cold, fresh air, and it’s like a salve to my heated skin.

I can feel Maddox’s eye on me as I fiddle with the strap of my handbag, which I managed to keep hold of as he carried me out of the house, but I keep my face firmly turned away from him.

I hate him. And I hate Zak. The two of them broke me in a way I never knew you could be broken at a time I didn’t think I could possibly be broken any more than I already was.

I close my eyes, and I’m transported back to that night. To me in the back of that ambulance after just witnessing my mother’s dead body being wheeled away, my phone nestled in my hands as I hit dial on Maddox’s name again. I bring it to my ear only to be instantly greeted by his voicemail this time. I try Zak again, and all the while I’m begging him to pick up, but he doesn’t.

I tried ringing them every day, multiple times, for a solid week after that night with no response. Then as if they never existed, their numbers stopped working, and they’re voicemails were replaced with ‘this number is no longer in service’.

For the next three months, I was wild. Partying all night, most days too, getting arrested for minor offences and shipped from care home to care home. I was lost, broken and alone.

Thank God for Mitch. Without him, I’d be locked up or dead.

I’m brought back to now by the sound of metal clanking against metal, and I open my eyes to see a pair of black ornate metal gates swinging open in front of me. Add a backdrop of fire and I could almost be entering the Gates of Hell.

I can see the house up ahead, and as we approach, the front door opens and out steps Zak along with a guy I don’t recognise.

They talk on the front steps of the double fronted Victorian house while Maddox parks in the garage alongside a dark coloured Alfa Romeo and a matte black motorbike with a metallic gold engine and forks.

Maddox climbs from the car and waits for me, but when I don’t move, he steps to my side, opening the door.

“Out of the car, Roxanne.” Still refusing to look at him and despite feeling like a petulant child, I remain where I am. “Fuck’s sake. I don’t have time for this childish shit,” he grumbles, reaching inside the car, unclipping my seatbelt and picking me up. I do absolutely nothing to help, instead making sure I’m as relaxed as possible so that he’s carrying my dead weight.

He passes right by Zak and the guy he’s talking to without so much as a hello, walking straight inside and up the stairs.

When he reaches his destination, he shoves through the door and unceremoniously dumps me on the bed before turning around and walking out.

“Sleep well, Roxanne,” he calls as he disappears down the hall.

I almost shout out a ‘fuck you’ but hold it back after his words to me the last time I said it. I don’t need to be turned on any more than I already am, especially when I should want to kill him and Zak not get down and dirty with them—him. Jeez, I don’t even know which way is up right now. I’m exhausted.

Without turning on the light and after closing the door, I discover that there’s an en suite and quickly relieve myself and change out of my clothes for the second time tonight.

Crawling under the heavy, yet soft, duvet, which is no doubt feather, I sprawl out like a starfish in the queen-sized bed. Partly because I can and partly because I need to keep my hands away from my needy and traitorous vagina. There is no way I’m getting myself off to thoughts of Maddox’s kiss or his hard length I felt pressing up against me earlier tonight.

No fucking way.

I failed miserably last night having woken sometime early this morning with my hand inside my knickers and fingers working my clit in rough circles while using my other hand to twist and pull at my beaded nipples and bringing myself to orgasm.

I struggled to go back to sleep after that despite my orgasm and having had barely any sleep. I now find myself pacing up and down the room and procrastinating about whether I’m ready to go downstairs and face Maddox and Zak or just stay here indefinitely.

I’m not enjoying the chaotic and adverse emotions they are drawing out of me. I don’t know what to do with these feelings or how to protect myself from once again being that heart broken and lonely seventeen-year-old. I don’t know if I have the strength to stop myself from falling down the rabbit hole of self-destruct.

I always knew that allowing them back into my life would be hard, but I never expected for all those feelings, good and bad, from years ago to have such a conflicting impact on me. I’m scared of who I’ll become if I let them close. I’m scared that I’ll lose the core of who I am; morally just, loyal, fierce but good hearted.

I know deep down there’s another side to me, one that goes against every fibre of the person standing here right now. But she’s there, clawing to get free, and all it would take is one tiny fracture in her carefully constructed cage for her to burst free and bring a wrath so fierce and violent it would be apocalyptic.

Needing something to take my mind off where I am and the two men sure to ruin me, I make some calls. An hour later, I’ve spoken to my house insurance company and my gas, electricity and water suppliers, and I’ve also spoken to Smithy, who called to check on me and promised to let me know as soon as he hears back from the fire department.

Feeling like I’ve shored up my walls enough and in desperate need of coffee, food and some new clothes, in that order, I head downstairs.

It’s still early, and I don’t know if the house being quiet means everyone is still asleep or if they’re not here. Guess I’m about to find out.

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