She was more than a distraction for Leo; she was a disruption. She was disrupting his plans, his dreams. It was best she leave him to the proper order of things.
Yet he loved her. She loved him. They were right together. Why must they be separated by silly rules about who could marry whom? Was that not the proper order of things, for two people who loved each other to be together, to share their lives?
And how was she to convince Leo of this? After all, she had told him she loved him. Back in that cottage, lying in that bed, she had said “I love you” and then he—
No. And thenshe—!
Oh, dear heaven, what had she done?
In that cottage, she had spoken of love. In the very next breath, she claimed to have no interest in marrying him. At the time, she had even believed it was true.
Because it was better that way. Because if she failed to make that clear, he might have felt obliged to remind her she did not fit into his world. Because she could not have borne it, if he rejected her again.
Clever trick, that: He could not reject her if she rejected him first.
And now he must believe she did not want to marry him, for the simple reason that she had said she did not want to marry him.
But if she offered herself to him now, and he told her she misunderstood? Suppose he told her, “I said I would change the future if it was in my hands, but it is not. You know I can never marry you.”
She would not be able to bear it.
* * *
Twice more theman came to take her trunks. Twice more she sent him away. She sat tensely with Hester, while Livia explored the docks with greedy, shining eyes.
“Juno! Oh, Juno, darling, there you are!”
Beatrice? Surprised, Juno turned. Beatrice Prescott, skirts raised high to show her half boots, was picking her way through the mud and mess.
“I thought I would never find you!” Beatrice said brightly, with a nod at Hester. “They said you had left for the docks, but your ship is not leaving yet, is it? Oh, do say it isn’t!”
Juno stared at her uncomprehendingly. “What are you doing here? Haven’t you a ball to organize?”
“Oh, that’s all in hand.” She waved dismissively. “Mr. Prescott has summoned anarmyof helpers, to carry and hang the paintings, and he found a printer willing to print off his personal inventory, which shall be distributed to all invitees, even those who declined. I swear, once everyone learns of the paintings on display, the queen herself will beg to be let in. Here, an invitation for you.” Beatrice handed Juno a thick, embossed card. “Of course, I already gave you an invitation, but … here is another one?” She patted Juno’s trunks. “I was so hoping you might not leave after all, what with the Duke of Dammerton fighting duels over you…” She trailed off meaningfully, seeking information.
Juno would give her nothing. “Then I am more of a disgraceful scandal than ever, and you ought not to be talking to me,” she said coolly. “WhatwouldMr. Prescott say?”
Beatrice winked. “Mr. Prescott has become very amenable. Do say you’ll come. And you too, Lady Bell, and all your family if they are in town.”
Juno flicked the sharp corners of the card. “Do not waste your invitation on me. I am a scandal. No respectable lady would suffer to be in the same room as me. If your art ball succeeds in attracting a single peeress, she’ll run away the minute she knows of my presence, and you’ll be ruined too. You’ll never achieve your grand ambition of being embraced by the aristocracy then.”
Beatrice’s fingers were white where she squeezed her parasol. “The decorations in the ballroom look amazing,” she said sadly. “Prescott is hanging the paintings. It will be like nothing London has ever seen. Yet all I can think of is you. It is you who has paid the price for my success and I cannot bear it.”
“But it is done now. Without me there, perhaps you’ll finally win the admiration of the best people.”
Beatrice lifted her head gamely. “Youarethe best people. I should rather have you there than all the peeresses in the world. If the queen herself should demand you be ejected from the room, I would be proud to stand by your side and say no.”
Juno traced the embossed edges of the card with one gloved finger, while Beatrice squeezed her bottom into the space between her and the edge of the trunk.
“I will never be able to express my sorrow for what I did to you,” Beatrice went on. “It was like a maggot in my brain, this need for society to admire me. I would rather put everything back the way it was, and keep you and lose them.” She kicked the trunk with her heels like a child. “What foolish mistakes we make, when we lose sight of what truly matters and let ourselves believe in the wrong thing.”
Juno snorted softly. That was a foolish mistake she knew too well.
Beatrice tried again. “I do wish you did not have to leave England, but the ship does not leave for hours, so perhaps you could drop by, just this one last night…”
Juno turned an incredulous look on her. “Do you really think I would wish to spend my last few hours in London at a ball, hosted by you, with judgmental ladies giving me the cut?”
“You should hold your head up high. You belong among the highest in society.”