“It’s crazy to think she’ll be a sassy, back-talking teen someday. You know…if the world doesn’t end first.”
“None of that talk.”
Going over to the couch, I take Juliet and snuggle her against me. “How did you do it?” I ask.
“Do what?”
“Be a mom to two kids while running the school and then the whole freaking coven?”
“I had help.” Tabatha’s lips curve into a small smile. “I would say the fact that you were already ten by the time you came to our family helped, but you do have that special knack for finding trouble.”
“Do you think she will?” Juliet moves her little arms around, not able to control them very well but is able to get a fistful of my hair.
“If you’re lucky, she’ll take after her more sensible father.” Tabatha blinks several times and slowly shakes her head. “I can’t believe out of the two of you, the vampire is the more sensible one.”
I laugh and blink back tears. “It’s not fair he’s not here.”
“I know.” Tabatha rests her hand on my knee. “It’s not. None of this is fair, my darling girl. But that is life.”
“I’m going to get him back,” I say and Tabatha just nods, not wanting to disagree and upset me…or tell me I will when she doesn’t believe I can. “And I want to go home. I have to eventually.”
“You do. Send your familiars first and allow Evander to accompany you through the woods.”
“I can do that.” I slowly inhale again and look into the fire. “Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me. You’re family. She’s family.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “So is Lucas.”
“He is, and he would want you to tread carefully,” she says gently and gives my knee a pat. “If there is anything I’m certain of, it’s that he loved you very, very much.”
“Loves,” I correct. “He’s not dead. He’s temporarily not here and I will get him back.”
Tabatha nods again and shifts her gaze to Juliet. “If anyone can, it’s you. But I beg you, don’t act on your own.”
“I won’t,” I say, though I’m not putting anyone else in danger. This isn’t witch business, but something more. There is one person who can actually help me, and he will, one way or another. I just need to find Lucifer first.
All I wanted wasto go home, but now that I’m here, it feels wrong. Wanting to shower, I went up to my bedroom and put Juliet in her swing. Dread starts to bubble up inside of me, and Juliet starts to fuss. I should go get her, yet I’m rooted to the spot, looking at my bed.
I’m going to have to sleep in it alone.
I’m going to wake up alone.
What if I can’t save Lucas? What if I do and all traces of him are gone? Will he just be an empty shell after I pull him out of the saddle?
Juliet’s fussing turns into crying and yet my feet refuse to move. My vision blurs as tears fill my eyes. Binx shadows in, circling my feet, and I suck in air, not realizing that I had my jaw clenched and was holding my breath. Blinking the tears away, I rush forward, stopping the swing from swaying back and forth. I unclip Juliet and bring her against me, thinking she wants to nurse.
I sit on the chair Lucas wanted in our room so he could help with long nights and put Juliet to me. She latches on, nurses for a few seconds, and then starts crying again.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” I ask and move her to the other side. She doesn’t attempt to latch this time and cries even louder. Suddenly, I can’t remember what I’m supposed to do. I know her diaper is clean since I just changed it. The temperature is comfortable in the room. If she was hungry, she’d nurse, right?
I didn’t read all the baby books like Lucas did.
There are a million reasons why our daughter is crying right now, and I can’t think of a single way to make her happy.
“What’s wrong?” I ask as a big tear rolls down my face and splashes onto Juliet’s cheek. It startles her and she keeps crying. Binx patiently sits by my feet, trying to calm me since he’s able to sense my pulse quickly rising. “Maybe you are hungry?” Leaning over, I try to position her against me. Nothing works so I get up and try walking her around, which does nothing as well.
I’m on my seventh lap of the room when she turns her head in, rooting against me like she wants to nurse. Finally. We go back to the chair, and she latches immediately.