Page 15 of The Yes Factor

“Stop with the insecurity, you look amazing. You know you do. Okay, so let’s get a drink then assess viable suitors to approach.” I try to sound like I’ve got a plan when this party doesn’t appear to have as many single guys as I’d hoped it would.

“Assess viable suitors to approach? Could you make that sound any less cool?” Bex says to me. She’s right, but I’m not going to admit it.

We take a good look around. It’s not exactly how I thought the event would be, but I’m going to make the most of it for Bex’s sake. Two huge leather modular sofas form a semi-rectangular shape in the high-ceilinged living room. There’s a beautiful fireplace, but nothing on the mantel. In fact, there are hardly any decorative touches, or much furniture, anywhere.

“Hmm, strange that it’s so minimalist inside yet so Hollywood Hills rococo outside. I mean, did you see that water feature by the front door? It looked like something from Versailles,” I say.

“Okay, just because you follow Architectural Digest on Instagram doesn’t make you an interior design guru. Hey, there’s the bar.” Bex grabs me and we head for what appears to be a makeshift bar in the large, open-plan kitchen.

“Hi, could we have two G and Ts, please?” Bex says to the young bartender who isn’t wearing a shirt.

“I do love California.” I sigh, staring at his tan muscular arms. “He’s cute,” I whisper.

“Do not even go there. Do not try to set me up with another bartender,” Bex says.

“Oh all right fine, but look at those biceps. So, we’re sticking with the G and Ts then?”

“Yeah, I’m trying not to mix alcohol. Not that I always follow my own rules, of course.” We both laugh, acknowledging without having to say it, the many times we used to see each other bowing to the porcelain god.

Hot Biceps serves us the drinks. “Have fun tonight,” he says with a wink. “And I made them doubles so you won’t have to come back here too soon.”

“Well, I wouldn’t mind coming back soon for a refill,” I say quietly to Bex. “Those arms.”

“Stop it. This is already hard enough for me. So can you take it seriously, please?”

“Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry. Let’s see, who do you think is cute?” I scan the room. “What about that—” I’m about to point out a guy across the room as I’m interrupted mid-sentence.

“Hi! I’m Candace and this is Chad. People call us Chandace.” Candace, a bleach blond twenty-something sidles up close to Bex. “I lovvvve that dress!”

“Um, thanks,” Bex says. “I wasn’t sure about it. The woman at the door said it was Dynasty.”

“Dynasty?” Candace says. “Oh, is that that new place on Sunset everyone’s talking about? Isn’t it owned by a Kardashian?”

Bex and I make eye contact, trying not to laugh.

“Hey, where’s your man?” Candace says to Bex, lowering her voice conspiratorially.

“My man? Oh God, um, where do I even start,” Bex drawls theatrically. The double G and T is already hitting her hard. “We met, like, ages ago, a few years after college. He was so gorgeous, I mean, I was really swept off my feet. A fairy tale. But, I’m here to tell you that not all fairy tales have a happy ending.”

Candace seems slightly confused. Meanwhile, Chad, a Ken to Candace’s Barbie, leans in to me. “I get it, it’s cool. She doesn’t have a man, does she?”

“What? Well, I mean,” I say, thinking to myself that this Chad guy is overstepping boundaries. But maybe he has a nice, successful friend here. “Dating in this day and age—especially at our age—has its challenges,” I say. Chad is so close I know that he had something with garlic for dinner. I take a small step back. “Besides, some men are uneasy with a woman who won’t settle and knows what she wants.”

“But women know what women want, don’t they?” Chad stares at Bex and me with a gaze that would give those full body X-ray things at the airport a run for their money. Maybe I’ve been around reserved English guys for too long, but Chad is just way too intense.

“You know, Chandace has done a lot of things. But we’ve never enjoyed the beauty of two women together.”

Okay, why is he talking about Chandace in third person? This guy is starting to creep me out.

“Would you two like to join us upstairs? There are still a few free bedrooms,” Chad says.

“Uh, thank you. But I think we’ll finish our drinks down here for a while. It was nice to meet you and Candace. Nice to meet you…um…Chandace,” I say haltingly, hardly believing what I think is happening.

I grab Bex by the arm and pull her away from Candace, who’s babbling on about a bikini she bought for a trip that she and Chad are taking to an “adults only” resort in Florida.

“So sorry, Candace, it was lovely meeting you. Excuse us.” I drag Bex away, not sure which way to turn.

“What’s going on?” Bex says, apparently oblivious to the not-so-subtle Chandace divide and conquer MO.

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