Page 24 of Redemption

Chapter 20

After returning from lunch,I headed straight to my office, hoping I could avoid another confrontation with Miles. I’d just reached my office door when a deep voice came from behind me.

“I’d like to see you in my office, Josephine.”

My hand froze on the doorknob. Like an errant child, I cringed at the sound of my full name. Anymore, Miles was the only person to call me Josephine. Although, I vaguely recall him calling me Josie for the first time ever before I walked away from him earlier. It hadn’t struck me until after I left. My eyes shut of their own accord, and I inhaled a deep breath of courage before slowly turning to face my boss. A boss whose blank expression scared me more than any anger. Anger I knew how to handle. This blankness reeked of disappointment. And there was nothing worse than disappointing someone you love. The aching feeling of dread spread deeper into my belly. Damn you, Miles. You couldn’t keep your mouth shut.

“What can I do for you, Connor?”

He didn't repeat his statement. He merely turned and disappeared back into his office, leaving the door open, knowing I’d soon be right behind him. Since there was no point in avoiding the conversation, I slowly made my way to Connor’s office, dragging my feet to prolong the talk I knew I was about to have. Shit.

I closed the door behind me and carefully made my way to the chair directly in front of Connor’s desk, where he’d already seated himself. His pose was deceptively calm. I held my head up high and remained perched on the edge of the chair, fingers loosely clasped in my lap. I forced myself to not wring my hands or fidget. I was pretty sure I knew what Connor wanted to talk about, and as much as I hated disappointing him, I’d made my decision. A rash decision, no doubt, but it was still my choice.

“How was your lunch, Josephine?” Coming from anyone else it would be an innocuous question. Coming from Connor, in that sickening sweet tone, it was anything but.

Needing to rip the Band-Aid off, I had no desire to answer his banal question. I refused to break eye contact. “Say what you really want to say, Connor. You’ve never had any trouble speaking your mind. Don’t make an exception now.”

He sighed, clearly in frustration. “Fine, then. I heard you’re quitting. I’m curious when you were going to tell me. You know, your boss.”

Mentally, I cringed, but I refused to show weakness to Connor. He was a predator, through and through, and to show him how vulnerable I was feeling right now was something I refused to do.

“I haven’t made any final decisions, but I have been ruminating on a job offer I’d received recently. It would be a great opportunity with room for advancement. I could tap into more of my potential. Not that I don’t love what I’m doing here, but there’s always room for professional growth. You wouldn’t want me to get stuck in a rut now, would you?”

“I never took you for a quitter.”

I bristled at his statement. “How, precisely, is me taking another job opportunity being a quitter? I’ve worked hard for you over the last six years. But, I’m still doing the same thing I’ve always done. Maybe I want something more.”

“You’ve never expressed any sort of unhappiness with your job duties before, Josephine. You know you could have come to me at any time and I would have given you more responsibilities. You seemed like everything was fine. Which is why I’m asking, why now? What’s changed?”

God, I hated that he just didn’t accept my original reason, even though we both knew it was bullshit. Connor had always been able to see right through me. Not that I hadn’t been completely transparent today. I hated that he always made me face reality. Not only face it, but actually acknowledge it.

“Let’s cut the crap. We both know why I’m leaving.” My stiff shoulders began to sag, and the proud posture I’d been working so hard to maintain flattened. “I know you told me to give him some time, but I’m tired, Connor. Tired of fighting for someone who is fighting even harder against me. I thought I could get through to him. I thought if he saw how good it was between us, he would come to his senses. Maybe this is what we both need. Time apart. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I gave a self-deprecating laugh at my own words. It was either laugh or cry.

Connor came around to the front of his desk and propped his butt on the edge of it. “I talked to Miles, you know. After you left earlier. He came to see me after you dropped your bomb. He was pretty shaken up about what you told him. Don’t you think it’s unfair of you to share only a portion of your story with him? You thought you could heal him through submission, and yet you didn’t share with him how BDSM helped you. That’s a lot of blind faith you were expecting Miles to give you, Josie. You and I both know how important trust and communication are in any relationship. Even more so in a D/s one. You should have told him. It might have helped him more than anything. Knowing that you both went through the same experience.”

“And when would I have shared this information with him? I tried to get him to talk to me; he walked out. He’s been avoiding me ever since. There haven’t been a lot of opportunities for me to talk to him. You’re the one who told me to give him some time. Well, here’s me giving him all the time he needs.”

I was getting irritated at Connor’s sanctimonious attitude.

“Quitting Blacklight isn’t the answer and you know it. You’re making rash decisions because you’re hurt. I get it. But this isn’t the way to do it.”

I stood and headed for the door. He knew I was quitting now, and there was nothing more to be said.

“I’m sorry, Connor. My decision’s been made. You’ll have my official letter of resignation on your desk before I leave for the day.”

He didn’t have a chance to respond before I closed the door behind me. Leaving made me feel sick to my stomach, but I was lost and didn’t know what else to do. It hurt so much to see Miles day in and day out and know we didn’t have a future. Unrequited love was a bitch. I hated disappointing Connor, and it made me even sicker knowing that he was right. Me leaving didn’t solve anything.

I was behaving like a petulant child, which of course, made me defensive. I knew I was in the wrong. I’d apologize to Connor later for walking out, but until then, I was going to forget about our discussion and engross myself in the latest case I was working on.

I’d been at my desk for a few hours when the door slammed open and Bryce came barreling in.

“What is this I’m hearing about you quitting? How could you not have told me? I thought we were supposed to be best friends, and yet I have to hear it from Phyllis who heard it from Margaret.”

“For God’s sake, people around here gossip worse than junior high schoolers. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I only made the decision less than three hours ago. I had to get away from Miles, and Connor had me in his office the minute I got back. We had a disagreement and, in all honesty, I’m hiding right now. It didn’t even occur to me that office gossip would make its rounds like this. I’m sorry, Bryce. It wasn’t intentional.”

Bryce flopped into the recliner I’d had brought in one day a few years ago when we were working late nights on a particularly brutal case. He pouted, his arms crossed over his chest, until finally, he heaved a sigh.

“Fine, I forgive you. But I can’t believe you’re actually quitting. What am I going to do without you here?”

I walked over to where he reclined and parked my butt on the armrest. I leaned down and hugged my best friend, already regretting my decision.

“I’m going to miss you, you know. We’ve worked well as a team, you and me. Honestly, Bryce, what I’ve done scares the shit out of me. I have no doubt I’m going to be miserable. But you know me. I’m a stubborn bitch, and once I set my mind on something, I rarely change it. I’ve let things get out of control, and I truly don’t know how to fix it.”

“You need to get back to Eden and scene. You’ve been gone for almost two weeks. A lot of shit has gone down in such a short period of time. Don’t make any rash decisions until you’ve had a chance to dominate a few subs. Bring your focus back. Remember everything Connor taught you. Once you harness that control you’re known for at Eden, apply it to real life. You and I both know it’s how we keep sane.”

“When did you get so wise?” I snuggled in closer to him, trying to gather my inner fortitude.

“Don’t tell anybody. It’ll ruin my reputation.”

We remained embracing while I thought about what Bryce said. My life had been out of control nine years ago. BDSM had helped me regain that control. I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten what I needed to do. I’d head to Eden Saturday and get my shit back together.

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