Page 19 of Redemption

Chapter 15

Shit.This was all my fault. I should have listened to Connor. I blinked back my tears, knowing they wouldn’t do me any good anyway. I exited the room and made my way back to the common area thinking about everything I had done wrong. After stepping up to the bar, Joseph, the bartender took my order.

I stood, gazing out at nothing, when a warm body moved into the space next to me. Joseph returned with my drink, and with a quick movement, I threw back the shot of tequila. I smacked the shot glass onto the table, surprised I didn’t break it with the force of its descent.

“I take it you’re having a bad night.” It wasn’t a question.

I turned my head toward the voice at my right. A familiar blond man leaned against the bar, beer in hand. I signaled to Joseph for another shot before fully turning to face the handsome Dom. Donovan Jeffries was a silent partner of Eden. He’d changed over the last year though. I remember him being charming and charismatic and while he still presented a similar front, something else lurked behind his eyes that he could never quite hide. He reminded me of Miles. However, Donovan was a puzzle I had no interest in solving. Miles was the person I cared about right now.

“You could say that.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

I peered at him, curious why the sudden interest in my problems. Granted, we’d spoken several times before tonight, but I wouldn’t count him as a friend, no matter his relationship with Connor.

“I saw your friend storm out of here a few minutes ago.”

I startled at his comment. How did he know Miles was with me?

“How do you know that had anything to do with me? Are you spying on me?”

He rolled his eyes as though my question was ridiculous. “Believe it or not, I know everything that goes on in this club. As part owner, I make sure that I’m aware of every person who steps through those doors, especially guests of members. Besides, I’ve met Miles several times before tonight. It’s not as though he’s a stranger to me.”

How stupid of me. Of course he knew Miles through his friendship with Connor. Plus, Donovan had helped prosecute a few of our cases.

“Sorry, I forgot you guys knew each other. And no, I don’t really want to talk about it. But thanks anyway.”

“No problem. Take care, Josie.” Donovan picked up his beer and sidled away from the bar, leaving me wondering what that was all about.

I picked up the second shot that Joseph had dropped off without my notice and tossed that one back as quickly as the first. I planned on getting drunk tonight. I knew it wouldn’t solve my problem, but for a short time it would help me forget the look of betrayal in Miles’ eyes as he walked out on me. On us.

Hours later,I was thoroughly three sheets to the wind. While there was a rule set in place that there was a strict two-drink minimum if you were scening, Joseph continued to serve me. I didn’t question it; I just continued to drink. Finally, I moved away from the bar, my steps slightly unsteady. I observed couples playing through a drunken haze. Envy coursed through me as I took in the loving looks between Doms and subs.

I headed over to the suspension apparatus to watch the demonstrations going on. I loved everything about rope. I felt at peace as I tied intricate knots using one of my favorite materials, jute. I’d become fascinated with rope play during my first visit to Eden so long ago. Master Paul had taken me under his tutelage and taught me everything I knew about rope and suspension. I’d even volunteered as a subject so I could grasp the sensation of what it felt like to be suspended. It had been a surprisingly freeing experience, especially since I was still learning to embrace my Dominant side. A dominant side Connor had helped me discover.

After killing the man who had raped my sister, my life went to hell. I grew up faster than any eighteen-year old girl should. I lost my innocence that day. Although I had no remorse about killing my father’s business associate, it had still affected me in many ways. I was continuously angry. At my father. At my mother. At the world. It was so grossly unfair that this atrocity happened to my little sister. She’d only been thirteen for fuck’s sake. How could God have let that happen to Casey? She hadn’t deserved what had happened to her. When Connor briefly entered my life the next year, he’d recognized I was floundering, even if, at the time, he didn’t know the cause.

After my father disowned me and cut me off from my entire family, I turned to the only person I trusted. Before meeting Connor, I’d always been painfully shy around men. But after what my father did, my trust in them had been destroyed. If I couldn’t trust my own flesh and blood, how was I expected to trust someone else? Connor had been the only man to earn my complete and utter trust.

After pouring out my story, he held me as I sobbed for all the things I’d lost in my life. I was only twenty years old and except for him, I had no one. Regardless, I didn’t regret what I’d had to do that year before I met Connor, and I’d make the same choice all over again. It was then that he introduced me to BDSM. My life was out of control, and he helped me in the only way he knew how. By showing me a way in which I could take back control. Something that had been sadly lacking in my life before he’d entered it.

Like most things, I took to the lifestyle like a fish to water. It taught me about trust in a way I never could have imagined. I liked being in control and the power that came with it. When a male submissive was begging to come, a rush like no other came over me knowing that I controlled if, and when, it happened. It was cathartic.

Soon, everything fell into place, and I moved on to make something of myself. Something my father never thought would happen. I gave a mental one-finger salute to dear old dad.

I stood for a while watching the demonstrations, but even they couldn’t bring me any happiness at the moment. Self-pity surrounded me. Since not even rope was making me feel better, I knew it was time to head home. I clumsily made my way down the hallway toward the exit of the club pulling out my phone. I opened my mobile app and arranged a pick up from a local car service. I waved goodbye to Philip who remained diligent at the entrance before stepping out into the humid night air.

I stood on the curb waiting for my driver to arrive. Within ten minutes, I spotted the headlights coming down the street. A blue sedan pulled up and after seeing the car service logo on the windshield, I got in the car. I didn’t attempt to make small talk with the driver beyond a casual “hey, thanks for the ride.” The ride took longer than I remembered it should have, but finally we pulled up to my house.

Since my ride was paid for through the mobile app, I waved goodbye to the driver and wove a path up the sidewalk to my front door. I struggled with the lock, but finally I got the key to work. I entered my house not bothering to turn on any lights. Between the full moon and the streetlight, there was enough illumination to see where I was going. I stopped when I heard a noise come from the kitchen. If my reflexes hadn’t been diminished from the alcohol, I would have had a faster response time when the glint of light off the knife flashed in the air.

In the nick of time, I threw up my arm to avoid having my face slashed. Instead, a burning sensation sliced through my forearm. Immediately, I sobered up and, this time, when the intruder came at me, I was slightly more prepared. The self-defense training Connor had forced me to attend came in handy when I deflected the next strike. A groan of pain came out as I wrenched back the wrist of the person in front of me, and the knife clattered to the ground.

No longer armed, the attacker raced down the hall and out the back door I hadn’t noticed being open. Adrenaline rushed through me when the attack first happened, but now that the threat seemed to be gone, I started to crash. Plus, my arm hurt like a mother fucker. I grabbed a couple of towels from the kitchen and pressed them against my wound. I went out the back door and took a cursory glance around. When I didn’t see anything, I went back inside, bolted the back door, turned on the lights, and called Connor.

---