Chapter 12
After I leftConnor’s office Sunday, I went home and did some research. I hopped online and found pages after pages of articles on Domination and submission. Most were educational, others a touch bizarre. I discovered, and joined, an online fetish community and read different posts on the forum. I wanted to understand this new role I was considering undertaking. I learned about hard limits and soft limits. I learned there was so much more to BDSM than just two, or more, people having kinky sex.
After hours of reading, I realized that these feelings of giving over control to a Domme only resonated inside me when I thought of Jasmine. The emotional connection between a Dom and his or her sub was almost poetic. It was the only way I could describe it. And that poetry read like a sonnet. It was fluid and flowed effortlessly. That was how I’d felt with Jasmine. Every touch, every smell, every taste settled deep inside me, gripping my soul as though they would never let go.
I couldn’t pin down why her though. We’d only met a few days ago, but I couldn’t stop thinking about her. In fact, thoughts of her began to pop up at the most unexpected of times. When blood-filled visions came to me, I would force them away with thoughts of Jasmine. She became my guide out of the darkness. It only made her that much more special to me. A woman whose face I’d never even seen. It was crazy. The thing was, I didn’t care. I wanted to take this leap. I needed to. For my own sanity. She soothed the nightmares.
Connor was out of the office today, so I went to the next best person. I stood in front of Bryce’s door and knocked.
“Enter.”
He looked up from his computer when I opened the door and gave me a smile that had me cursing myself for coming here. It was as though he could see right through me and knew exactly why I was here. I counted Bryce as a good friend, but he pushed everyone’s buttons and more than once I wanted to smack the smug smile off his face. This was one of those times.
“What can I do for you, sweet Miles?”
“You’re a dick, you know that, right?”
He threw his head back in laughter. “You know, you’re not the first person to say that to me. Anyway, take a load off. Now, how can I help you?”
“I want to see Jasmine again. I assume you can make that happen.”
He nodded his assent. “Of course. But, are you sure you’re ready for this?”
“I spent the last three days learning everything I needed to know to make an informed decision. Who knows how this will play out, but hey, I’ll willing to take a gamble.”
For once, an intense and serious expression crossed Bryce’s face. He always maintained his professionalism at work, but it was also done with a slight flare and a little extra spark. This though, this was a look I don’t recall ever seeing before. It actually had me nervous.
“You do realize this isn’t a game, right? Being a Domme isn’t something that Jasmine just plays at. It’s not just a role she takes on. It’s who she is. It’s an integral part of her. It would be like asking her to change her hair or eye color. It’s impossible. I care about Jasmine. I don’t want her hurt because you’re doing this on a whim.”
“This isn’t a whim for me, Bryce. Everyone in this office knows that what happened a few months ago changed me. You all pussyfoot around and walk on eggshells around me. I see it. But the second I met Jasmine, everything in my head quieted, if only for a short period of time. The chaos in my head is tamed, and it’s all because of her. So, if she’ll have me, I’m hers.”
We stared at each other, and I prayed he saw how serious I was taking this. I hated feeling out of control. Connor was right in saying I was weak. If trusting Jasmine was the key to letting go of this guilt that consumed me, then it was a chance I planned on taking.
“I’ll talk to her. Let her know that you’re ready and willing. She’s in charge. She can tie you up and do dirty, dirty things to you. Got it. She’ll be supremely happy to hear this.”
“Yep, a real dick.”
Bryce sent me another self-satisfied grin and gave a mocking seated bow. Now that it was mostly settled I headed toward the door.
“Meet me outside Eden at 9:00 Saturday. Don’t be late. Oh, and you can leave the mask at home this time.”
I flipped him the bird and jerked his office door closed, effectively shutting out his mocking laughter. My spirit felt lighter the rest of the day knowing that soon, I’d get to see Jasmine again.