Page 11 of Redemption

Chapter 9

Not even an hourafter arriving home, someone began pounding on my door. Irritated at the disruption, I grumbled beneath my breath as I stomped to open it. I hadn’t even had it cracked before Connor came barreling in.

“What the fuck were you thinking, Josie?”

Wow, I’d never seen Connor this worked up before. His hair was mussed as though he’d run his fingers through it multiple times. He didn’t even pause for breath before continuing his tirade, all the while pacing back and forth in the middle of my living room.

“How many times have I told you you’re going to get your heart broken? Do you really think that Miles can be the submissive you need? I know you’ve been in love with the man for years, but have you really thought this through?”

I didn’t answer until he finally stopped pacing and glared at me from across the room. I crossed my arms over my chest and puffed it out to emphasize the point I was about to make.

“Something about what happened between Miles and me tonight must have struck a chord with him because you’re here, aren’t you? He understood what he was doing when he went to you, Connor. I was explicit that I was the one in control, in charge. If he wanted to explore submission, he needed to ask a friend about it. While I didn’t expect him to ask you, although I’d rather it be you than Bryce, he asked. Which means something to me. I never knew I was a Dominant until I met you, Connor. Maybe Miles didn’t know he was submissive until he met me.”

Connor sighed in clear frustration. “But he didn’tmeet you, Josie. He met Mistress Jasmine. How do you think he’s going to react when he finds out you and she are one and the same? And that you didn’t tell him? You and I both know he’s not been the same since killing Malcolm.”

With those words, my overinflated ego flattened. Damn. Connor was right about everything. I hadn’t thought this all the way through, which wasn’t like me. I always saw the bigger picture. The end goal. Regret weighed heavy on my soul. I had only been trying to show Miles that we were meant to be together. My need for him overrode rational thinking. Six years was a long time to wait for someone. Even still, knowing how fragile Miles was right now, though he’d deny it to his dying breath, I shouldn’t have pushed. I’d waited this long. A little longer wouldn’t have killed me. Now, I was afraid I’d destroyed any hope of being with him.

I looked at Connor helplessly. “I’m in so much trouble, aren’t I?

Connor embraced me in one of his hugs that, until now, always made me feel better. “You know you are, Little Bit.”

Shit. Connor hadn’t called me that since I was nineteen. It brought tears to my eyes and reminded me of a time when I had felt powerless, kind of like right now. I knew what I needed to do, but I was fighting it with every fiber of my being. Although I knew I’d give in. I had to. For both Miles’ sake and mine.

“I’ll tell him as soon as I can. Maybe he won’t be mad.”

I ignored Connor’s look of disbelief as I pulled out of his embrace. Let me live in my world of delusion. Everything was sparkly and bright in here.

“What did you tell him about D/s?” I asked, attempting to plan my next step.

“Nothing, yet. My fiancée was waiting for me, and she takes precedence over whatever it was Miles wanted to know. You’d left so it wasn’t as though the information was imperative at the moment. He’s coming to the office in the morning. Which, by the way, you owe me for. My Sundays are spent with Bridget, her dad, and Alex. Not on educating your sub.”

A smile lit up my face despite the seriousness of our conversation. “My sub?”

“While I’m still cautioning you, you have a point in that Miles did ask me about submission. He’s obviously not ruling it out. And to be honest, I think it would be good for him. We both know that submission is two-fold. It’s both about giving up control and yet, at the same time, holding all the power. I think that’s something Miles needs. No matter how hard he tries to hide it, I know Malcolm’s death affected him. I was there that day. I saw how he reacted. He was in shock.”

“Wouldn’t you be in shock if you killed someone?”

“You weren’t,” he countered.

My mind went back to that day almost ten years ago.

Where was the maid? That was my first thought as I closed the door behind me. She always greeted me at the door when I came home. Granted, I was here a day early, but I wanted to surprise my family. I was on break from college, and I was excited to spend the time off with my mom and younger sister. I cocked my head when I thought I heard a muffled sound from upstairs, but when it didn’t come again, I figured I must have just imagined it. Instead, an eerie silence now reigned throughout the house, which was highly unusual.

“Mom? Casey?” I knew Dad would be at work at this time of day. When no answer came, I started up the stairs toward Casey’s room. Maybe she had her headphones on and hadn’t heard me. The closer I got to the top of the stairs, the more my stomach hurt, and a knot began forming deep in my belly. A sharp cry rent the air.

I raced down the hallway toward the sound coming from Casey’s room. The cries grew louder, and as I reached the door, another, more sinister, sound joined. My mind denied what I was hearing, as if it refused to process the sounds. As though watching someone else, I saw a hand reach out for the doorknob and turn it. The door opened quietly, and I stood there, for how long, I can’t remember, in shock and denial at what was happening in front of my eyes. When another cry, this one more pained, echoed in the air, my body reacted, and the scream of a berserker escaped me.

I raced forward, and just as the man on top of my little sister turned to see who’d interrupted his defilement, I began clawing and scratching at his face, determined to stop him. He pushed me away, causing me to stumble and fall to the floor. He rose from the bed, a lingering look of pleasure still gracing his hated face. As though he hadn’t been caught in the most despicable act, he casually buttoned his pants and walked out of the room.

For several brief moments, I lay there, stunned, unable to believe what had just happened. Blinding rage overcame me then, and I barreled out of the room, chasing the man I knew well since he was an associate of my father’s and had visited the house often. I heard a noise from the kitchen and followed it. There stood that mother fucker, without a care in the world, drinking a glass of wine, the bottle and a piece of paper on the counter next to him.

He tipped his glass at me in salute. “Mmm. Almost as good as your sister.”

A burning hatred, unlike anything I’d ever known, coursed through me. Without conscious thought or regard to consequences, I grabbed the knife from the butcher block on the counter and charged the rapist in front of me, stabbing that son of a bitch in the chest. The surprised expression on his face would have otherwise been comical. He collapsed to his knees, then fell face down, wine and blood mingling together on the floor.

“To be honest, I think I was shell-shocked when I first realized what I’d done,” I said softly, still slightly lost to the memories. “But the sight of my baby sister retreating into herself more and more each day cured me of that real quick. I truly have no regrets about what I did. My only regret is that I didn’t see what was happening sooner. How could I have not sensed how withdrawn Casey had been since I’d gone off to college? I blame myself that irreparable damage was done to her. She’s never been the same.”

“You know what happened to Casey is not your fault, Josie. It’s that bastard father of yours. And even as close as Miles and I are, killing someone who was raping your little sister before your very eyes and killing someone to protect your friend isn’t quite the same. He hides it, but I know Miles isn’t dealing well with the aftermath. I’ve tried encouraging him to talk to someone, but he keeps telling me he’s fine. Until it starts affecting his job performance, there is nothing I can do to force the issue. Once he gets over the betrayal of your deception, because we both know that’s how he’ll feel, I hope you can help him heal. Now, that’s all I’m going to say on the issue. Just be careful in how you handle this, Josephine. I don’t want to see either of you hurt. You’ve both suffered enough in your lives.”

Connor embraced me one more time, with a brotherly kiss to the forehead before I walked him to the door. I had some serious thinking to do tonight, because I knew Connor was right. I needed to tell Miles sooner, rather than later. It wouldn’t be fair to him.

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