Page 9 of Desire

Chapter 7

Two days.That’s how long it had been since I walked out of Eden following the cataclysmic scene with Connor. Pissed and hurt didn’t even begin to describe my emotions. For that brief moment in time, Connor had made me question myself and my heart. Never before had I felt such a strong bond with a Dom who scened with me. Every scene before this one had been about giving up control and the gratification I received. I thought that was how I wanted it. Until him.

It wasn’t always sexual gratification either. Often it was the cathartic release of emotions bottled up inside me. I was happy with how I lived my life. I was content with the peripheral emotional connection I received during aftercare. Except Connor made me want more. A deeper and more meaningful emotional connection. Not necessarily a relationship, because I wasn’t ready for that, and I didn’t know if I ever would be. But something other than a single scene with a random Dom. Then he had to go and fuck it up. And it pissed me off.

What hurt though was that he didn’t try to understand me or my needs. It also hurt that he didn’t trust me with his needs; he assumed I’d run scared. That I wasn’t strong enough for him. Even though he tried to hide it, I knew he’d judged me when I told him about Alex. He thought I was weak and selfish for giving him up. I knew this, because the expression in his eyes matched the one I saw every day when I looked at myself in the mirror. There was nothing in my life I regretted more than that day in the hospital.

It killed me knowing I gave up my baby without even looking at him. Without letting him know, even though he couldn’t understand, how much I loved him and only wanted the best for him. I tried not to dwell on the past, because it was over and done, and nothing could change it. I had to live with myself and the decisions I’d made.

“Hey boss, there’s a customer asking for you. She said you were holding a dress for her,” Gina called out as she stuck her head in my office. I had been sitting at my desk, going through payroll and ruminating on this past weekend. Tossing my thoughts to the back burner, although I knew they’d resurface, I stepped out from behind my desk and headed out to help my client.

The day flew by as a steady stream of customers came in and left. When we finally locked the doors and put out the “Closed” sign, I sighed in resignation. I had delayed talking to Penny for too long. She was one of my best friends, if not the best, and I had been keeping secrets from her. Big secrets. The biggest of all being Alex. Connor was the only person, besides my dad, who knew about him.

I had also neglected to tell her about my encounter with Connor the other night, and I knew she was going to kill me. Not because I had been with Connor, or that it had taken me two days to tell her. She was always pushing me in his direction, and I continually resisted. The fact that I finally broke my own rule was going to have her saying “I told you so.” No, she was going to kill me because she knew nothing of Alex. A secret of that magnitude would test the bonds of our friendship. I hoped it survived.

With Connor now out of the picture, I needed to find someone else who would help me. Sadly, I knew no one else, so I had no idea what I was going to do. I needed her to talk to Marcus for me. Surely, he knew someone besides Connor I could ask. I should probably go to the police, but what was I going to tell them? Hey, the baby I gave away for adoption might have called me out of the blue sounding desperate for aid. Can you please help me? I’m sure they’d get right on that.

I walked the short distance home, stopping briefly at the cafe two storefronts down to grab dinner. I took my time eating, avoiding the phone call I was dreading. After I finished my meal, I did everything else I could think of to procrastinate, including cleaning up an already clean kitchen and sweeping my floor. Eventually, I ran out of things to clean and knew the time had come to just call Penny and be done with it. I flopped onto the couch and curled my legs underneath me. I reached for my cell phone and, after searching my contacts, tapped Penny’s name on the screen.

“Hey, you,” she happily greeted me.

I figured I would say it for her. “I told you so.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?” she asked, confusion evident in her tone.

“I figured I’d save you the breath and say it for you. I told you so.”

“If you don’t tell me what the hell you’re talking about, I’m going to scream,” she warned.

I coughed out, “I played with Connor at Eden.”

I could almost hear her brain working, trying to decipher my words hidden in the coughing sound. I knew the minute she figured it out, because she screeched like a banshee in my ear.

“Oh my God, what? When?”

“Saturday night. It just happened. I was looking for you and saw him standing at the bar. Before I even knew what was happening, I walked over and started flirting. One thing led to another, and suddenly we were in one of the private rooms.”

“I can’t believe it finally happened. I’ve been waiting for this day. I knew you guys were perfect for each other. And the looks he sends your way when he doesn’t think anyone is watching? Sigh. They’re exactly the looks Marcus sends me. That man is head over heels in love with you. I’m so happy,” she ended on a squeal of excitement.

“You might want to reel in the happiness. It was a one-time deal.”

“What did you do?”

I couldn’t help laughing, because she had me pegged. “Excuse me, bitch, but I would like to go on record that it wasn’t me who rebuffed the guy this time. It was all that asshole Dom’s fault. Everything was perfect before he fucked it up. I actually felt something. A connection. A spark I wanted to explore further. Which was the whole reason I never scened with him before in the first place. I knew it was going to end badly. Although, to be honest, I thought it would be his heart I broke. I didn't realize the power he had that could lead to it being my heart that was broken. I’m not saying he broke my heart. I’m just saying he could if I let myself get that involved.”

She groaned softly in the background. “I’m so sorry, Bridget. I thought for sure you two were perfect for each other. I’m curious, though, how he fucked up. What happened?”

“Honestly, it doesn’t really matter. We’re done. There is something else though. I know it’s late, but are you busy? Do you think you could come over? What I have to tell you is best said in person, no matter how much I don’t want to face you when you find out.”

“That sounds ominous. I’ll have to double-check with Marcus, but it shouldn’t be a problem. If it is, I’ll call you back. Otherwise, I’ll see you in about twenty minutes.”

After saying our goodbyes, I hung up the phone and tried to keep myself busy while I waited for her to arrive. My condo was practically spotless by the time she got there. At the knock on the door, I let her in. She gave me a giant hug before making her way over to the couch. She took off her shoes before settling in.

Penny patted the spot on the sofa next to her. As I took my seat near her, she started speaking. “Okay, I’m waiting. What is so important that you needed to tell me face to face?”

Shit, I so wasn’t ready for this. I took a deep breath, said a silent prayer she would forgive me, and dropped the same bomb I dropped on Connor.

“I have a son.”

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