Page 31 of Possession

I was impressed by her insight. There was a darkness inside me, constantly trying to claw its way out. Joseph was closer to me than anyone. He was my brother. My family. The only one who could keep the monster on its leash. Until Madeline. She soothed the beast inside me. I knew my other colleagues thought I was an asshole, which was fine with me. I mean, I was an asshole, there was no denying it. The crazy thing was, no one had ever bothered to ask why. Except her and Joseph.

“Come with me.” I gently pulled her from her chair and led her into the living room. Once seated, I settled her onto my lap. She laid her head on my shoulder and rested her hand on my chest, right over my heart. I soaked in the comforting gesture. It wasn’t often I allowed anyone this close to me. Sex didn’t count. That was most often about fulfilling a physical need. This right here, this embrace, was about intimacy, and that superseded bodies coming together for pleasure by far. This was about connecting emotionally and mentally with our submissive. Our woman.

“My parents divorced when I was ten. Two years later my father remarried. For the first year of their marriage, everything was fine. Denise mostly ignored me and my dad let her. He half-heartedly tried to encourage her interest in getting to know me, but he mostly gave up when she didn’t put forth any effort. She wasn’t cruel, but she didn’t try hard to be nice. That was until my dad started traveling more often for work. Once a month he’d have to stay overnight in New York. Suddenly, she was making my favorite meals on the nights he was gone, letting me stay up past my bedtime, and asking me about my day. What we were studying in school. How I was doing in football practice. Then she started asking me if there was any girl I liked and if I had a girlfriend.”

I sensed a shift in Madeline’s posture and a change in her breathing. There was a new tension to her. I ignored it and continued speaking, my eyes unfocused on anything in front of me.

“My mom wasn’t really in the picture so I soaked up the attention Denise was finally starting to show me. It was three months after my fourteenth birthday the first time it happened. I’d gone to bed around eleven and I was just about asleep when there was a light knock on the door. She came into my room and sat on the edge of my bed.”

Madeline raised her head and my gaze darted quickly to her face. I could see the dawning horror in her eyes. The pain. Pain for me. She pressed her finger against my lips trying to halt my words.

“Nathaniel, you don’t have to.”

I kissed her fingertip before placing her hand back on my chest and covering it with mine. “It went on for almost a year. During that entire time I felt powerless. I didn’t tell a single soul, not even my best friend. One night my dad came home unexpectedly after his business trip had been cut short. Denise started crying some sob story about how it was me who’d initiated the entire affair. I denied it, of course, but my father didn’t believe me. He threw my clothes in a bag and tossed it outside onto the front yard, screaming at me to get out of his house. I knew nothing would change his mind, so I got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. A year later my father tracked me down, begging me to forgive him. Apparently he’d discovered Denise attempting to seduce a neighbor kid and realized how wrong he’d been.”

“Did you?” Madeline asked softly. “Forgive him, I mean?”

My voice was steely. “I punched him in the face, breaking his nose. Then I told him to go to hell. That was the last time I ever saw him. Shortly after that I went to college and got my Bachelor’s and Master’s in criminology. When I graduated, I went to work for the state corrections system before deciding I wanted to join the FBI. I wanted to be the kind of person who helped victims. It wasn’t long before I grew jaded and cynical, mostly at the system. The injustices I’ve seen in my lifetime would haunt your dreams. Hell, sometimes they haunt mine.”

Madeline caressed my cheek. “Have you had counseling? That’s some heavy stuff to deal with. It really does help to have someone to talk to. I’m not just saying that because of my job either.”

I shrugged. “I passed the psych eval. That’s all I care about. Honestly, I enjoy the darkness inside. It’s been a part of me so long, it’s like a long-lost friend. I’d be an entirely different person without it.”

Her lips drew down into a frown and I knew she wanted to say more on the topic, but she resisted. Instead she asked a different question. “How did Joseph make his way past your defenses?”

“With my charming wit and personality.”

I merely chuckled while Madeline whipped her head around with a startled noise at Joseph’s interruption.

“You scared the crap out of me,” she scolded him.

He smiled a little too innocently as he strode into the room and set his computer bag on the floor next to the coffee table. Then he collapsed, exhaustion evident in his entire body, into the recliner next to the couch where Madeline and I were sitting.

“Sounds like I walked in on a deep and interesting conversation. You’re wanting to know how I weaseled my way into this a-hole’s life? Pure determination I tell you. Our friend Nathaniel here was the meanest, most ornery motherfucker I’d ever met. Imagine my horror when we were assigned to work on a case together. He made my life hell, I tell you.” Joseph let out an exaggerated sigh of despair.

“You were a wet-behind-the-ears rookie I got stuck with. I was the one who was dying. Slowly and painfully. You were like this goofy puppy who excitedly pissed everywhere. Annoying little shit.”

He flipped me off. “I was annoying right up until the moment you got shot.”

Madeline gasped, her eyes tracking my chest searching for a bullet hole.

“Back shot. We were making an arrest on a member of the Gambino family when the man’s wife pulled out a damn gun. I remember the sound of gunfire followed by excruciating pain and hearing Joseph yelling my name, but after that, it’s all a blur. This time I truly was dying slowly and painfully. Next thing I know, I’m waking up in a hospital room with tubes and wires coming out of my entire body and this guy”—I jerked my chin in Joseph’s direction—“asleep in the recliner on the other side of the room.”

“We’ve been best friends ever since.” Joseph replied smugly. “Probably because I’m the only one who puts up with his crabby ass.”

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