Page 45 of Possession

Chapter 26

Madeline

“Grady,listen to me. You’re stronger than him. Don’t let him take over. Fight. I know you can do this.”

He paused for a minute, his face rigid in concentration, like he truly was fighting. Then, his expression changed and insidious, mocking laughter fell from the demonic smile crossing his face, and he took several more steps closer. “Give it up, Doc. Grady is gone. I’m the one in charge now. I’m going to enjoy cutting your heart out and fucking that sweet pussy of yours. That’s one thing I never did with my other girls. They were pure, unlike you. You like the feel of a cock inside you.”

I almost vomited at his words. Then it hit me. I was a brilliant psychologist who knew what the fuck I was doing when it came to my patients. If anyone saw me now and what I was prepared to do, they’d think I’d lost it. But there was no way in hell, I was going out like this. Not when I hadn’t exhausted all my options yet. Armed with a pair of brass balls courtesy of watching Nathaniel in action, I drew upon some inner strength and started to laugh. I laughed and laughed until I was almost hysterical. Which was my whole intent since Bad Grady stopped short. I wiped away faux tears.

I sneered up at him, my expression twisted into one of disdain. “You’re so fucking worthless. Even your dad thought so. That’s why you killed him isn’t it? He knew what a sad and sorry piece of shit you are. You think you’re some bad ass, whatever your name is, but deep down inside you’re still the little pussy who gets pushed around on the playground. Deep down, you’re still Grady. You’re that pitiful kid who got bullied and had to have a girl put your bully in his place, because you were too scared to do it. You can come up with however many alters you want to make yourself feel better, Grady, but you’ll always be useless. Your father was right. You never should have been born.”

It was like every molecule had been sucked from the room, the air was so still. I wanted to keep egging him on, but I’d just dealt a mocking blow, and I needed to see what the outcome would be first. I didn’t want to push too hard and sever the connection between Grady and Jordan. Besides, I had no idea how many alters I might be dealing with. As I watched though, there was such a long pause with no backlash that I wondered if ‘Jordan’ was dissociating again and a new alter, or Grady, was going to appear.

“Shut the fuck up,” Jordan, or whoever was now present, screeched, spittle spraying from his lips in his rage. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

I’d clearly pushed a button. Dissociative Identity Disorder was not my area of expertise, and the study of the topic had evolved so much since I was in school. However, the roots of the disorder were static. History of childhood physical, emotional, sexual abuse, or PTSD. In Grady’s case I didn’t know which of those made up his psychosis, but regardless, based on this reaction regarding his father, I knew I’d hit it on the mark.

“You and I both know I’m right, don’t we, Jordan? Poor Grady had to create you to cope with the abuse you suffered from your father, but deep down, you are Grady and he’s you. Your father still beat the shit out of you. Maybe even touched you.”

Jordan covered his head with his hands, shaking it back and forth, his face distorted like he was pain. He began to mumble, his voice gaining strength until eventually he was loudly berating himself. It was weirdly fascinating to watch the interaction. I knew that the true conversations were going on inside Grady’s head, but to see them manifesting themselves externally was something I’d never experienced before. My clinical side wanted to study him, which was totally fucked up considering the circumstances.

I was so distracted by my own thoughts, that I didn’t realize the room had gone silent. My gaze darted to Jordan, who now sat with glazed over eyes, like he was lost in the memories.

“The first time it happened, I was ten. I’d missed the bus coming home from school. It wasn’t my fault. One of the boys in my class had hidden my backpack. I spent forever looking for it, so by the time I found it, the bus had already left. My dad was so mad. He’d had to leave work to come pick me up, because the school couldn’t get a hold of my mom.” His recitation was monotone and completely devoid of any emotion. It was creepy as hell. It was like he was telling me someone else’s story. I also recognized that, for the moment, Grady was back. There was the lost little boy quality to him.

“Your dad hit you.” It wasn’t a question.

He gave a self-deprecating laugh. One that was utterly hollow sounding. “Hit me is putting it mildly. He beat the shit out of me. Cracked a couple ribs. I was left with black and blue bruises for weeks. All under my clothes though. He never hit me where anyone could see.”

“Why didn’t your mom stop him?”

Finally, he glanced at me. “For someone who’s so smart, you’re kind of dumb. My mother was your typical abused spouse. She tried to protect me the best she could, but most often got a black eye for her trouble.”

It was no wonder he had set me so high up on this pedestal of his. I’d stuck up for him. Something even his mother hadn’t done for him. Not really.

I was hesitant to ask my next question, but I wanted answers and knew Grady would be the only one willing to provide them. “When did Jordan show up?”

“After you left Mill Valley.”

There was so much accusation in his response it was like a punch to the gut. It left no doubt that Grady blamed me entirely for his disorder, even as he continued to profess his love for me all these years. Why he sent me all those letters. Yet, I was still curious.

“Is there anyone else in there?” I gestured to his head.

He shook his head. “Just Jordan. He’s getting stronger though Madeline. He’s staying the primary alter for longer and longer periods of time.”

I wasn’t surprised by his admission. “He’s staying longer because you’re letting him, Grady. You continue to put yourself in situations that make him want to return. You’ve been living with this DID for, what, twenty-five years? You know how the disorder works.”

He collapsed into the chair, his shoulders slumped and head hung in defeat. “I know, but I don’t know what to do.”

“You have to turn yourself in. You’ve killed five women, Grady. Jordan may have been the alter present at the time, but they’re still going to blame you. The good thing is, you’ll get the help you need. It’s the only way to stay in control and save lives. You’re stronger than he is. You can do this.”

I sat in silence, waiting, praying while he continued to sit in what I hoped was contemplative silence. Then, his shoulders stiffened and he sat up straight.

Proud.

Strong.

Then he nodded like he’d made a decision. “Let’s call in your boyfriends.”

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