Page 62 of Because I Could Not Stop for Death

“We may be of the same class, but it is not our decision. Austin invited you as a friend. I’m just a servant, Matthew. You know that.”

He looked me in the eye. “You’re more than a servant to me, Willa. You are a compassionate and strong woman that any man would be lucky to have at his side no matter his class.”

“Matthew,” I gasped, looking around for anyone who might have overheard us. “You shouldn’t say things like that.”

“Why? My feelings for you have not wavered. I want you to know that.”

I looked down and my gaze fell to his coat sleeve. “There’s a thread that is hanging from your jacket. Don’t pull on it or the whole arm might come undone.”

Matthew pressed his lips together as if he was disappointed with the change of subject, but then his expression cleared as if he was accepting the sudden turn that I had made. “Oh, this jacket. I have mended it so many times over the last year, but I must say I’m a terrible tailor.”

“I could mend it for you,” I said. “If you give it to me, I can mend it this afternoon and give it to you at the dinner party. I won’t be attending, but I will be nearby in case the Dickinsons need anything from me.”

“Would you? It’s a warm day and I can do without the coat for now. I would like it to be mended before I leave to return home. Who knows what state it will be in by the time I arrive in Amherst if it’s not attended to?”

I accepted the coat and folded it in such a way that it appeared I was carrying a wool blanket. That might get some curious looks when the sun shone too brightly and when it was so warm, but it would have piqued people’s curiosity much more if I had walked up the street with a man’s coat hanging from my arm. “It’s the least I can do. Even though I know you’re not telling me everything, I know that telling me anything at all about the investigation into Henry’s death is difficult for you. It’s kind of you to tell me what you could.” I paused. “But I do wish you would say more.”

He smiled. “And your need to know every detail is one reason that I care about you so much. Can I walk you back to the hotel?” His face was hopeful.

I hated to disappoint him, but I shook my head. Hotel staff at least saw us walk away together. I didn’t want them to think that I had been alone with Matthew this whole time and report that to Mr.Dickinson.

“It’s a short walk. I can see the top of the hotel from here.” I clutched his coat. “It’s best if I go back alone.”

He nodded. “I do hope that I see you at the hotel tomorrow, Willa, even if it’s in passing.”

I didn’t say a word, but I hoped so too.

Chapter Twenty-Three

I got back to the room and finished the place cards before anyone in the family realized I was gone. Something that I knew from my conversation with Matthew was that I would finally have to gather the courage to read the rest of my brother’s journal. Henry wrote that he would not be naming names, so I knew the name of the Reader would not be in those pages, but there could be other clues to the Reader’s identity that I might be able to glean. As painful as it was to see and read my brother’s thoughts, it was something I could no longer avoid.

But when I read his words, it would be done. There would be no more Henry. He would be over. Because I had not read his diary yet, I knew there was more of him to discover. There was more to learn about my younger brother. When I read the words, I could not unread them. It would be a great loss to know that he was truly gone from my life.

I finished the place cards and went to find my cloak in the wardrobe in the parlor. The cloak was right where I left it. I slipped my hand inside until I found the secret pocket I had sewn into the fabric that was just big enough for my brother’s tiny diary.

The diary was gone.

All of the air left my body, and my hands began to shake. How could I have been so foolish as to leave the diary unattended? I should have taken it everywhere I went. However, since coming to Washington and enjoying the fine weather and spring temperatures, I had not needed my heavy winter cloak. I had told myself the diary would be fine in the wardrobe with the cloak because it was locked in the hotel room that I shared with the two Dickinson daughters.

I took a breath. The diary must have fallen out of my pocket. Yes, that is what happened. All of the Dickinson girls’ cloaks, coats, and hats were in the wardrobe. I removed them each one by one. Every time I took a garment out of the wardrobe, I searched it thoroughly and then laid it on the floor.

I did this to piece after piece and never found the diary. I sat in the middle of the carpet with dozens of coats, cloaks, and hats all around me. I checked my cloak pocket for what must have been the thirtieth time. I looked for any tiny tear in the hidden pocket. There was none. Henry’s diary was utterly and truly gone, and someone stole it.

Tears rolled down my cheeks. I had put off reading my brother’s words because it had been so painful the first time. Now, I cried because it was very likely that I would never read his thoughts again, and that was so much worse.

“Willa Noble, what in heaven’s name are you doing?” Emily asked as she and Miss Lavinia walked into the parlor.

I wiped tears from my eyes. I didn’t want the sisters, especially Miss Lavinia, to see me cry. I scrambled to my feet breathing heavily. “I’m so sorry, Miss Dickinson. While you were away, I got it into my head that I could organize the luggage in the parlor closet. I just wanted to make sure everything was in order for when you travel to Philadelphia since I won’t be there to help you unpack. As you can see, it got a bit away from me.”

“A bit?” Miss Lavinia asked as she scanned the room. “It looks like a tornado came through here.”

“I’ll be sure to clean up the mess in no time. When you return from your evening meal, the parlor will be well in order,” I promised.

Shaking her head, Miss Lavinia carried their shopping baskets into the bedroom.

I began to pick up the coats and hang them back in the wardrobe.

Emily set her small satchel down on a table and began helping me gather the garments.

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