Page 47 of Because I Could Not Stop for Death

I was about to slide open the door into the first-class car when he said, “Why did you ask me to stay away? I thought we were friends.”

I closed my eyes for a moment, and then against my better judgment, I turned around. “We were—we are friends, Matthew. You have always been a good friend to Henry and me.”

“I have been. Why do you think I’m trying so hard to find out what happened to him? It’s for him and for you.”

I stared at him, and my heart lurched. “Are you really traveling to Washington as an officer?”

He looked away and out one of the windows. “As far as the police department is concerned, I am going there to visit my ill uncle, which is true. They do not know what else I might be up to.”

“Does the department think Henry was purposely killed?” I asked.

“It’s been ruled an accident.” He looked back to me. “Caused by Henry.”

“But—but what about the burn marks on Terror the horse?”

He didn’t ask me how I knew about those. I supposed he didn’t have to. He saw Emily and me visit the stables.

“Henry wouldn’t do that,” I said. “He found trouble, I know this, but he would never hurt any living thing.”

“I know,” Matthew said quietly. “I could have kept a better eye on you both if you hadn’t asked me to stay away.”

I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Was he saying that it was my fault that my brother was killed?

“Mrs.Patten didn’t like you coming around,” I said more sharply than I intended. “I couldn’t afford to lose my place.”

“You don’t need that job. You don’t even need to work for the Dickinsons. If we married, I would take care of you as your husband. You could have a home with me and our children. Henry could have lived with us too.”

“You couldn’t support all of us on your officer’s salary. I know your wages are low.”

He sucked in a breath as if I was the one who punched him this time.

“So that is why you refused me, because I didn’t make enough money?” He didn’t even try to hide the pain in his voice.

“No, that had nothing to do with it.”

“Then why?” He was pleading now.

I closed my mouth because I wasn’t sure it was a question I could answer for myself in the deepest part of my heart. Because I knew what a man could do to a woman? Because I knew how my father left my mother?

Because I was afraid that I would just take his offer for security and not for love, like my mother had. I didn’t want to have the same fate as my mother. I had a nice place in the Dickinson home. Was I willing to give that up for a house of my own with a man I cared for but didn’t know if I loved?

I couldn’t say any of those things to Matthew. I didn’t even want to admit them to myself.

“I have to get back to my compartment. If the Dickinson sisters wake up and find I’m missing, I could be in trouble.”

It might have been a trick of the light, but I thought I saw tears in his eyes. “All right,” he whispered. “Good night, Willa.” He opened the door to the second-class car and disappeared behind it.

“Good night, Matthew,” I whispered to the door.

—

The jostling and bustle to get off the train was overwhelming. A Black man who said he was from Mr.Dickinson’s residence in Washington met us with a carriage. He reassured the family that their luggage was already on the way to their hotel.

“There you are, Austin,” Emily said as the family climbed in the carriage. “I’m happy to see that you made the train.”

Her brother grinned at her. “There wasn’t any chance that I would miss it, Sister.” He lent his hand to his mother first and then his sisters, helping them into the large black carriage. To me, he said, “You can sit up front with the driver.” He climbed into the carriage with his family and shut the door.

The driver folded up the step the family used to get into the carriage. “You just hop on the front seat, and we will be underway.”

---