Page 32 of Because I Could Not Stop for Death

Next to him was a young woman. She wore a hunter green morning dress trimmed with black velvet on the double skirt. She held a cloak over her arm and a bonnet in her hand and was smiling brightly at Emily and her brother as if she had never been happier to see two people together in all her life.

“There, there, Sister. There is no need to squeeze the breath out of me. Do you want me to die here at the doorstep to our home so that I can never go back to Cambridge?”

“Do not die,” Emily said. “But do not go back to Cambridge either. What does Harvard have that you can’t find right here in Amherst?”

“More learned men,” he said with a sparkle in his eye.

“I am learned as those men. I am learned in the thoughts that matter,” Emily said.

“I see your confidence remains unshaken. It’s an endearing quality. And you will note, I had said more learned men. You, dear Sister, try as you might, are not and never will be a man.” He took the woman’s hand. “I just so happened to run into my betrothed when I was walking here from the train station. She was like a ray of sunshine on this dark February day. Why is the middle of winter so dreary? Did God create winter to make us appreciate the spring that much more?”

“Your God. I do not—” Emily began, but her mother interrupted her.

“Why did you walk?” Mrs.Dickinson asked as she came into the room. Her hair and eyes were dark like Emily’s, but her hair did not have the reddish tint nor the eyes the curious sparkle of her eldest daughter. She wore a plain navy blue day dress and a crocheted gray shawl with a long fringe over her shoulders. She held the shawl tightly at the base of her neck as if it was the only thing that was keeping her warm. “You know that we would have sent the carriage.”

“It was all fine. Gave me a few moments to be alone with my love.” Austin smiled. “Until we are wed, I won’t have much chance of that.” He held the young woman’s hand. She was beaming.

“And Sue, sweet Sue, I have missed you terribly.” Emily wrapped her arms around the young woman. “How can you live such a short distance away and we never meet as much as I like?”

Was this Susan Gilbert? Was she the friend that Emily wanted to speak to about my brother’s death and the threat that I received far too late in the mail?

It was odd to me; when Emily mentioned Susan Gilbert to me, she said she was her friend and not Austin’s betrothed. Wouldn’t her main role be her brother’s fiancée?

There were so many aspects of this family that I didn’t understand. Their lives were so intertwined. It was clear that there was a deep love there and something else. Whatever that something else was, I couldn’t put my finger on it. Perhaps it was because I didn’t have a large family so it was impossible for me to understand how it all worked.

“Come in, come in,” Mrs.Dickinson said, and she loosened her grasp on her shawl. “Don’t stand in the foyer. We have tea waiting in the parlor. Your father is home, Austin. I know he is eager to hear about your studies at Harvard. He arrived just last night. He is here for a quick visit because he has business as the Amherst College treasurer, but he will be leaving again on tomorrow’s afternoon train for Washington until the end of this term.”

Austin’s face clouded over. “He is here for more than college business. He is eager to convince me to work at his law firm. You told him that I was coming, didn’t you, Mother? And that is his real reason for being here. It is no accident that our visits have overlapped.”

Emily’s brow knit together. “I think it would be a fine idea if you worked with our father. The family should stay together as much as possible. You would be here in Amherst for good where you belong. It’s where all the Dickinsons belong.”

“There are opportunities west,” Austin said. “Our grandfather knew that.”

“Grandfather died in Ohio away from the place he was born, away from most of his family, away from society,” Emily said hotly.

“The school in Hudson, Ohio, where he worked has a good reputation. Not all society is found in New England,” her brother argued.

Emily sniffed as if she didn’t believe that in the least.

“Let’s not argue,” Miss Lavinia said as she came into the foyer holding one of her cats. This one was a longhaired orange tabby. His plume of a tail swished back and forth leaving white hairs on the fabric of her black dress. Miss Lavinia didn’t seem to be bothered by this. “You don’t want Father to hear you arguing already, do you?”

They grew quiet. It seemed that they were all in agreement that they didn’t want Mr.Dickinson hearing their quarrel.

The family moved to the parlor, and I ducked back into the dining room before I could be seen. I had just sat down to begin my polishing again when the dining room door opened widely.

Emily stuck her head in. “Eavesdropping is an art form that I also practice.” Her face disappeared again.

My heart was in my throat. I hadn’t been as silent as I thought when I peeked into the hallway. What did Emily think of me, knowing that I was listening to a private conversation between her and her family?

With a red face I finished the silver polishing.

Just as I was putting the last pieces back into the china closet, Miss O’Brien came in the dining room. “There you are, Willa.”

“I was just about to come down and help you with supper, Miss O’Brien.”

“Thank you, Willa. Please, when it is just the two of us, you can call me Margaret.” She studied me. “I wasn’t sure when you first arrived in that mud-covered cloak if you would be the right girl for this job, but it seems Miss Dickinson saw something in you that I could not. I have been pleasantly surprised with your work.”

I blushed, surprised by the uncharacteristic praise. “Thank you, Margaret.”

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