Page 15 of Because I Could Not Stop for Death

“That won’t be my fate,” she said in such a way that I knew the conversation was over.

I bit the inside of my cheek afraid I had been too forward. I didn’t know if I had upset her by suggesting someday her husband might make her move.

“It is good to get out,” Miss Dickinson said, breaking into the silence. “I make myself walk every day. Carlo helps with it. I think if it were not for Carlo, I would never leave home. I go out because he needs the exercise. Sometimes you can make yourself do things that are good for you when you believe you’re doing them for someone you love. The benefit comes without selfishness then. The best part of having a pet is having someone to think of other than yourself, having someone who depends on you. No one depends on me but Carlo. He’s the only one in this life that truly needs me. This makes me both grateful and sad. Every person needs to be needed, but being needed takes away from thoughts of yourself. This may sound selfish to your ears, but I do not think it so. I know I am unable to be needed like others are. I know that my inner world would be jealous.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. As we waited to cross the street, Carlo leaned on her leg as if he was providing not just warmth but support.

“Carlo is so loyal to you. I’ve never seen a dog so loyal to one person before.”

Miss Dickinson smiled at Carlo. “He was a gift from my father. Father knows how much I enjoy long walks, and as I am slight, he felt that a dog would be best to have at my side. I rarely leave the house without him. Everyone in town knows him, too, if not personally by sight.”

I glanced at the large dog. “He would be quite hard to miss.”

She chuckled at this.

We walked in silence for few minutes, as I did not know what to make of her earlier comment about being needed. The only thought that came to my mind was with my brother’s death, I no longer had anyone who depended on me or who I depended on. I could see why that would make a person want to hide away. I certainly did. But I wished that someone needed me. Without that I was adrift. Before, even when I was poor and lost, I had Henry to hold on to like an anchor in the Massachusetts Bay that I saw once when I was younger. It’s the farthest I had ever been from home. Henry, my anchor, had been there, and our mother. I shook the memory from my mind. I knew if I dwelled on it for too long the tears that I had barely contained would break loose in a tidal wave.

When we reached the corner, I expected Miss Dickinson to turn toward the center of town. I thought perhaps that she wanted to stroll through Amherst and look into the shopwindows. Maybe I would hold her bags while she made purchases. She was smartly dressed, so I knew she must have had a clear eye when it came to such things as fashion.

To my surprise, she went in the opposite direction, away from the shops and the houses.

“Do you not want to go to town?” I asked.

“We are going to the livery,” she said.

My throat felt tight, and we walked half a block in silence before I could find my voice again. “The livery?”

She adjusted her grip on Carlo’s leash. The dog pranced ahead of us like he was the grand master of a parade.

She did not look at me. “Yes, the livery where your brother died.”

I stopped in the middle of the path. “Why would we go there?”

She looked back at me and also stopped. She tugged on Carlo’s leash, and he turned and stood at her side. Miss Dickinson studied me with her discerning gaze.

I licked my lips. “Miss Dickinson, I am sorry if I spoke out of turn, but I’m not sure what good it will do me to go there. It will be difficult.”

“I do wish you would speak frankly to me, Willa. Also, please, when we are away from the confines of the house call me Emily for I do like the informality of my given name.”

“Emily,” I said as if I were testing the word.

She nodded. “See, that wasn’t so hard.” She began to walk again, and both Carlo and I fell into step just like we had been trained to do. I did not like the image in my own mind that I was as obedient as her dog.

After a few steps, she said, “We are going to the livery because we agreed that the two of us were to discover if there was some sort of crime tied to your brother’s death.”

“Yes,” I said unable to make myself say “Emily” again so soon. “Yes, but Detective Durben has ruled his death as an accident since then.”

She shook her head as if she were disappointed in me for some reason. “Yes, it was ruled an accident almost immediately, but why was he questioning you if that was the case? You were not there when your brother died. You did not witness the horse trampling his body.”

I sucked in a gasp at her description.

As if she did not notice my dismay, she went on, “The detective asked you those questions because he thought that there was something more to all of this. He believes that foul play was involved. He might even believe that you had a role in it.”

“Me? I would never want to hurt my brother. I loved him. He was all the family I had in the world.”

She nodded as if she finally approved of my reaction. “Then you will want to know the truth.”

The livery came into view. A large arch with a hand-painted sign hung over the long dirt driveway. The sign read “Amherst Carriage Company and Stables.”

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