I pull over halfway back to my dorm and burst into tears.

Me.

Lucille Page, a girl who rarely cries, hyperventilates in a borrowed car.

The world is not crumbling around me. I’m not dying. But it certainly feels that way.

I should’ve known better than to ask that of Theo. Never dare a demon. And I shouldn’t have put my own heart on the line in the process. I don’t deserve anyone’s love. I’ve been a wrecking ball in my own life for ages, so much of a disaster that no one could love me. No one wants to love me… least of all, Theo Alistair.

The bottom line is, I was asking to get hurt.

I lean forward, resting my forearms across the top of the steering wheel, and my head on my arms. I stay like that, eyes shut tight, until I can regain control of myself.

Stupid.

My lips hold on to the memory of his. The way he felt against me. Everything down to his fucking expression.

Raindrops splatter the windshield. Slow at first, then suddenly the sky opens up. It seems to be mirroring my bleak mood. I can’t see anything past the hood of the car. The thunder of rain—and then real thunder—drowns out the noise in my head.

With resignation, I flick on the wipers and pull back out onto the road. The rain, surprisingly, quiets my internal storm. I park in the LBU West’s garage and lift my hood up to jog across the small quad. I’m soaked by the time I get inside, and I pause in the lobby to shake off what I can. My hair sticks to my face. I’m ready to take off my contacts and get into a shower.

I’m cold and aching.

“Where have you been?” Ruby asks, coming down the stairs with Miranda.

“I volunteered to take Theo home.”

Ruby nods slowly, appraising me. She and Miranda both wear rain slickers, umbrellas in their grasp.

“We won, by the way,” Miranda says. “I think Felicity grabbed your bag.”

My camera. I smack my forehead. “Shit, I totally forgot.”

“We’re on the way to the hospital for Sebastian,” Ruby adds. “Hale told me he needs surgery on his knee. It’s the same one he hurt last year, but…”

I nod, aiming for sympathy and failing. I can’t quite muster it after what he did to pull Theo and me apart. “Okay. I’ll see you guys later, then…”

“Yep.” Ruby smiles tightly.

They slip past me, opening their umbrellas before stepping into the night. I let out a sharp breath and head upstairs. First stop, Felicity’s room. I knock on the door and step back.

She doesn’t answer.

I frown, but after knocking a second time and waiting another few moments, I give up and go to my room.

The space is as much of a disaster as we left it. Makeup everywhere, clothes tossed on our beds. I have a cute shirt on under this LBU hoodie, believe it or not.

I pull off the thick, damp material and drop it in my hamper. I could very easily just crawl into bed, but I’m chilled to the bone. I touch my cold lips, flashing back to Theo’s apartment. My face heats, even though I’m alone.

A different sort of ache reappears between my legs.

I grab what I need and lock myself in the bathroom. I could take care of it myself, but the ache reminds me of what I’m missing—not just the physical, but Theo. All of him. He showed me those vulnerable pieces today, in the two minutes of quiet we’ve never experienced before.

So, I resist touching myself and shower quickly.

I put on leggings and a t-shirt I had brought with me into the bathroom and ignore my reflection. I don’t need to see my puffy, bloodshot eyes. Another reminder that, for the first time in a while, I actually broke down.

I slide my glasses on and exit the bathroom, dropping the rest of my clothes in the hamper by my closet. Then my attention catches on the case on my bed.