Page 114 of Don't Let Me Go (Don't Let Me 2)

I sit up and get to my feet, walking toward the front door like a woman on a mission, even though I have no doubt he can see the evidence from my breakdown written across my tear-streaked face. It’s probably all blotchy and shit, but I don’t even care anymore. Let him see my pain. My frustration. I’m done hiding it from him. It’s all I’ve done for years. I’m sick of it.

When Mia sees me approach, she rocks back on her heels and steps away from the door, leaving it wide open. “I’ll, uh, be in my room.” Her bare feet scuff quietly against the hardwood floor as she walks away, leaving me alone with Theo.

“Fuck, Blake,” he chokes out, taking in my tear-stained cheeks. “You’re killing me.”

“You shouldn’t be here,” I whisper.

“Baby––”

“I’m serious. You should go. You have a game to play. It’s already started. You’re going to be in so much trouble––”

“Don’t do this, Blake.”

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Bullshit.”

I glare back at him, the curse spreading a fire through my veins. And I’m grateful for it. The anger. The rage. I’ll take anything other than the helplessness I’ve been drowning in.

“You know what? You’re right,” I tell him. “I am doing something. I’m pushing you away. I’m pushing you away because I asked you to not approach Coach, but you did it anyway.”

“I was trying to prove––”

“Yeah. I know,” I spit. “You were trying to prove you could get anything you want without any repercussions to you. And look who got burned for it.”

Pain slashes across his features as he shakes his head and balls his hands into tight fists. “You know I’m sorry. You know I’d do anything to go back and change it.”

“Yeah, well, you can’t.”

“Blake, I care about you.”

I laugh and shake my head, wiping away another stupid tear on my cheek. “Yeah. And that’s the shittiest part about all of this. Because I care about you too.” I suck in a shallow breath. “I’ve always cared about you. For so long, Theo. For so long, I’ve cared about you.” I squeeze my eyes shut, the ache in my chest more than I can bear. “But right now, I’m a little preoccupied because I have to figure out what the hell I’m going to do with my life now that my only option has been ripped away from me.”

“It wasn’t your only option.”

“What else do I have, Theo? Nothing. I have nothing.”

“That isn’t true.”

“Says the guy who has his entire future ahead of him,” I spit. “Tell me. Have you signed with a team yet? After college? Every time I ask, you dodge the question. So, I wanna know. Are you leaving? Does our relationship have an expiration date before it’s even begun? Did I lose my internship for a guy who’s going to leave me anyway?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“You should get back to the game.”

I close the door without waiting for his response, but his hand slaps against the wood, stopping my success.

“I’m here, Blake. I’m here, and I’m fighting. Can’t you see it?” he spits. “I want you more than hockey.”

“For now,” I clarify, my heart breaking with every word. “Sure. But what happens when you get bored? Whether it’s five days from now or five years? Hell, maybe it’s fifty.” I bite my lower lip to keep it from quivering and shake my head, shoving down my stupid emotions and how much they’re threatening to choke me in this moment. I can’t look at Theo. Not when I’m so close to breaking. I stare at his hands and the way they’re gripping the door. Is it weird that I love his hands? That I miss the way they feel against my body? That I want to hold them? I want to entwine our fingers. I want to bring them to my lips. I want to hold on. Oh, how I want to hold on.

But it isn’t that easy.

And I’m tired. Tired of seeing what we could have slip through my fingers no matter how tightly I’ve tried to hold onto it.

Instead, I let him go.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I whisper, “What happens when you look back at your life and realize you had to give up something you love to be with the person you care about? It isn’t fair, Theo. It isn’t fair to you, and the resentment you’ll inevitably feel isn’t fair to me. So what, then? Where does it leave us?”

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