Page 37 of Bitter Queen (Advantage Play 4)

“And what happens when you say your safe word?”

“You stop,” I tell him for what feels like the thousandth time.

“Good girl.” Then he inches closer until his breath fans across my cheek, and I can almost taste him on my tongue. I feel like I’m about to die from anticipation before he brushes his lips against mine. The kiss is soft yet laced with a promise that I can feel in my bones. Cupping the side of my cheek, he tilts my head a little to the left, then runs his tongue along the seam of my lips, daring me to open up to him. When I do, I smile before getting lost in his kiss all over again. The air is electric around us as I inch my thigh over his waist, desperate to get closer to him. With a low growl, his hand slides down to my bare leg before his fingers dig into my flesh, begging me to give in and straddle him the way I want. The way we both want. I let my body lead the way, running on pure euphoria before my inner thigh brushes against D’s erection.

Then I freeze.

Sensing my hesitation, D squeezes my thigh again, then releases his grasp on my leg and tangles his fingers in my short hair.

With a final kiss against my lips, he breathes, “Get some sleep, Blue.”

“You sure?” I whisper. The feel of his hard cock has practically branded itself against my inner thigh. “I can—”

“Stop right there, Blue. You don’t owe me anything. You never owe anyone anything,” he emphasizes. “I’m just lucky enough to have experienced that kiss.”

“But—”

He presses a soft peck against my forehead. “Let’s get some sleep.”

My eyes well with tears, but I don’t let them fall as I lay back down on his chest and nuzzle closer.

This time, when I close my eyes, I don’t see Sei’s hungry stare. I just see darkness. And I relish the respite before burrowing closer to my protector. Because if he’s by my side, I just might be able to find peace.

14

Q

My skin is slick with sweat as my feet pound against the treadmill. I would’ve called it a day thirty minutes ago, but the sight in front of me has been an epic distraction from my tired muscles. Diece’s knuckles are taped as he continues to beat the freaking punching bag like it offended him. He ditched the shirt almost an hour ago and has been making my mouth water ever since. If it weren’t for my past, I’m pretty sure I would’ve laid down on the floor and offered myself to him on a silver platter.

Especially after that kiss. That mind-blowing, earth-shattering kiss. The one that makes my toes curl by just thinking about it.

Then my self-doubt creeps in. If I did have the courage to face my fears and offer myself to him, he’d see the bruises. The cuts. The marks left by my abuser. Most of them have faded, but if he looked close enough, he’d find the freshest ones.

He probably saw them that first day when I needed help unzipping my dress. But maybe not. Maybe he was too busy trying to prove that he isn’t like Sei to sneak a peek. Or maybe I’m just trying to keep my head in the sand and pretend that I don’t have a visible reminder of my captivity with a monster. Unfortunately, the possibility that the guy I’m definitely crushing on has seen them––or will see them soon if we continue down the path we’re on––is bigger than I’d like to admit.

Would they disgust him? Would he pity me? It was so dark last night that I doubt he saw them. And he didn’t mention feeling them against his fingertips, so that’s always a good sign, but…I might not be so lucky the next time. If he even wants a next time.

But maybe it’s okay to not hide the crap from my past. It’s obvious that ignoring it hasn’t exactly brought me closure. But facing it and accepting it? I’m not sure if I’m ready for that, either.

We haven’t discussed the kiss, and it’s driving me crazy. It’s like it never even happened. I think he wants me to take the lead because he doesn’t want me to feel any pressure, but I’m dying over here. Can’t he tell?

Convinced my libido is going to drive me insane if I don’t steal back a bit of the power that was stolen from me, I decide to tempt fate and find out whether or not I imagined our connection. If it’s strong enough to fight off my demons. If it’s strong enough to erase Sei’s touch. And if it’s strong enough to distract Diece from my scars. Both the physical and the emotional ones.

Pressing the red button on the treadmill, I slip off my tank top and wipe my face with it while swallowing back the anxiety that threatens to consume me. In nothing but a dark blue sports bra and shorts, I walk over to the mat and stretch my arms over my head. If he looks closely, he’ll see the long, angry scabs covering my back. And only time will tell if he still finds me attractive after studying them.

Here’s your chance, Diece. Please don’t let me down.

The familiar rhythm of his punching falters as I bend at the waist and touch my toes. Curious, I sneak a peek at him from between my legs. An upside-down Diece drops his arms to his sides. His eyes are glazed with lust, and the heat nearly burns me up on the spot. No disgust. No concern for the broken girl in front of him. Just an overwhelming need that leaves me breathless instead of disgusted. And it spurs me on. I hide my smile when I stand to my full height and stretch my quads by standing on one foot and hinging at the knee with my opposite leg so that my foot is practically touching my butt before casually looking at him from over my shoulder.

“What?” I ask, feigning innocence when I catch him staring.

That same heated gaze slides down my body before returning to my red face. With an amused smirk, he goes back to punching the stupid bag.

What. The. Hell.

I know he wants me. I can see it. Taste it. Feel it. Hell, I almost came just by the look in his eyes. How can he dismiss me so easily? Maybe I just need to…push him a little more.

With a huff, I lay down and swing one leg over the other while keeping my back to the surface, making sure to stretch the tight muscles in my lower back. The sound of his fists hitting the bag ceases a second time, but I don’t check to see if he’s watching.

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