Page 16 of Bitter Queen (Advantage Play 4)

“Stop,” I order her. “Stop blaming yourself.”

Her pain is suffocating as she drops her head back to the headboard behind her and cries, “How can I? If what you’re saying is true, then I let it happen. I didn’t fight hard enough.”

“Screw that. You endured something, Q. Something no one should ever have to endure. But I need you to understand that he didn’t just break your body. He broke your mind. Your willpower. Everything. And I can’t sit by and watch that happen. I can’t let your bitterness consume you until there’s nothing left. It’s your choice to fight for your future. To get it back. To not let him win. Despite his best efforts, he doesn’t own you. I just need you to believe that too.”

“And if I can’t?” she challenges.

“Then you’re letting the bastard win.” Storming out of her bedroom, I slam the door behind me then rush down the stairs to Matteo’s gym on the first floor.

But it does nothing to douse the rage licking at my soul.

6

Q

The bed is soft and doesn’t smell like urine. It’s the main piece of evidence I have that I’m not in that dank basement anymore, and I cling to it like my life depends on it. Rolling onto my side, I breathe deep and let the scent of freshly-washed sheets ground me. I’ve been here for a little while now, but the clean smell never gets old.

I haven’t talked to D since breakfast, but that hasn’t stopped his words from playing on a constant loop in my mind. I’m still pissed at him. For the things he said. For the crap he knows nothing about. And for making me question my own decisions and how the hell I’m supposed to move forward.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe I always have been this weak. Maybe I’m not willing to fight for a shitty future when I don’t even know what it would look like with a girl as broken as me.

There’s a quiet knock at the door. My pulse jumps before the scent of the cotton brings me back to the present.

I’m not in Sei’s custody anymore. He can’t hurt me here.

But is that really true? Because I’m still hurting. Bad. I can still feel his touch against my skin. I can still hear his voice and the way it would crack when he was excited. I can still smell his rancid breath laced with cigarette smoke and alcohol.

Even though my body has escaped, my mind is still in his prison.

And I hate him for it.

Another quiet knock distracts me, yanking me back to the present.

“Hey, Blue?” D calls from the hallway.

He might not be able to see me from the half-opened door, but he knows I’m in here. Where else would I be? And why the hell did he call me Blue? I just want to lay in bed and zone out in front of a TV. Or at least, that’s what the old me would’ve done.

Now, I’m not sure how I should spend my time when I’m not dreading the seconds that tick by, bringing me closer to another visit from Sei.

He’s gone, I remind myself. He’s in prison. He can’t hurt me anymore.

“Blue?” D tries again. “You in there?”

“Of course, I’m in here. Where else would I go?” I mutter under my breath while ignoring the fact that he has the decency not to snoop into my personal space even though my door is partially open.

“Q?” he calls.

Holding on to the familiarity of his voice, I force myself to stand, then pad over to the door.

“Hey,” he mutters when I come into view.

I lean my head against the doorjamb and wait for him to continue.

What the hell do you want, asshole?

“You hungry?”

My stomach grumbles at the mention of food, causing D’s mouth to quirk up in amusement. “I take that as a yes. There’s lasagna in the oven. It’ll be ready any minute.”

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