Page 75 of Into the Dark

The way he says it makes it sound like there’s no difference between the two. He makes it sound like having the desire to do something is literally the same as acting upon it. It’s not. Oh god, he thinks it is.

“You and I weren’t together, Jake.”

“Oh, we weren’t?” he exclaims. “Fuck, I’d totally forgotten about that! Thanks for the reminder, Alex.” He laughs emptily, looking around the kitchen as if he’s lost something. “We weren’t together. Fucking hilarious.”

“Glad you’re amused,” I mutter.

His head snaps around to face me again. He’s not laughing anymore—he’s glaring, nostrils flared. “Do I look fucking amused, Alex?”

“Your tone suggested you were, yes.”

“My tone? And how exactly should my tone be, baby? How exactly should I be dealing with the fact that the only image I’ve had in my head for the past three fucking hours is you on your back with some wine-making French cunt between your legs?”

I gape at him. “Well, that never happened!”

“Well, it hasn’t stopped me fucking thinking about it!”

“Then maybe stop thinking about it, Jake, because it never bloody happened.”

He narrows his eyes again. “Stop thinking about it? Fucking hell, why didn’t I think of that? You’re so fucking smart, Alex.” He’s nodding now, sarcasm dripping from him. “Wish I’d thought of it sooner. Done.” He makes a dismissive motion with his hand to emphasize his point. “Was it as easy as that to stop thinking about me when you were with him? When you wanted to fuck him?”

“Oh, I bloody wish it were, Jake, trust me.”

“Like a bad fucking rash you couldn’t get rid of, was I, doctor?” He smirks coldly. He’ll be calling me “babe” next. I have to resist the urge to roll my eyes.

“You’re acting like a child, Jake.”

“Am I? So why don’t you be the adult then? I asked you to tell me what happened, and so far, you’ve told me fuck all except things I already know. So go on, baby. Tell me. I want to hear all about what didn’t happen between you and this guy you invited to meet your fucking mum. Went well, clearly, since she never stopped talking about him all fucking night.”

I want to throttle Mum all of a sudden. “I had dinner with him. We kissed. Once. Then I went home. I invited him to have dinner with me and my parents because he was our neighbor, because it felt like the polite thing to do.”

“And you’re nothing if not polite,” Jake says. “Isn’t that right, baby?”

“Nothing happened,” I say again because I don’t know what else he wants.

Jake slides his chair back and stands slowly. “Well, we’ve established our ideas of nothing are very fucking different at least.” His voice is quiet, eyes still hard, as he comes toward me slowly. “You had dinner with him and kissed him, then you gave him your number. That ain’t nothing from where I’m standing, baby. Hoping he would call, were you?”

I feel the wind leave my sails as I shake my head. “No. I’m not sure why I gave him my number. He said he sometimes comes to London and I thought we could maybe meet as friends…that’s all.”

“Did you want him, baby?” Jake says it as if I haven’t even spoken. “Tell me how much you wanted him, Alex.”

“I—I didn’t…” I stammer.

“You already said you did. That you wanted him to help you forget about me.”

“But I wanted you more.” I feel the tears burning the backs of my eyes as he pushes his body against mine, backing me up against the countertop. “I’ve never wanted anything more than I want you—you know that.”

The pleading tone of my voice and words seems to get through, hitting something inside him. His face softens, his dark, cold eyes brightening to their familiar turquoise green. Placing my hand flat on his chest, I move my fingers up to the exposed skin of his chest and throat, stroking him softly before leaning forward to place a kiss there. Keeping my eyes on his, I kiss up to his throat, the taste of salty hot skin exploding in my mouth. It sends something powerful and desperate to the pit of my stomach and lower, between my legs, and before I can think about it my hands are on the buckle of his belt, loosening it. When I have it loose, I move to unbutton his pants, but his hands grab mine, stopping me.

“What are you doing?” he asks, frowning. There’s a war battling in his eyes. One I have to win.

“I want you in my mouth.”

His nostrils flare, and he licks his lips, breath quickening visibly.

“Please, Jake.”

As he weighs over my words I wonder just how bad the shame will be if he says no.

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