Page 95 of The Moment of Letting Go

“I just know,” I say out loud and choke down the pain of my inner thoughts.

“You were right,” I speak up after a long time.

“About what?”

“About at least two of the three things you said would happen before I went home.”

“Oh yeah?” There’s a huge smile in his voice. “Which one was I wrong about?”

“That photography would take the place of everything else in my life.”

We lie together for a long time, talking about our families and our firsts: first kisses, first time we had sex, first bad breakup—his first kiss was age thirteen, mine age fifteen. He lost his virginity at sixteen. I lost mine at seventeen to a football player who I liked a lot, until I had sex with him. Probably had something to do with the weird noises he made when he was on top of me. Luke laughs at the expression on my face as I tell him about it.

“Now I know how to get you good if you ever piss me off,” he says. “I’ll make sounds like a hippo giving birth when we have sex.” He laughs hard.

I smack him on the knee. “You better not!” My eyes are wide and I’m trying not to smile. He grabs me and kisses me hard and then makes a weird noise into my mouth that makes me choke with laughter and play-kick him right off of me.

We didn’t even realize when the clouds had started rolling in and then without warning the sky opens up true Kauai style and sends us scrambling to get our stuff off the ground.

“My camera!” I shout over the rain thrusting into the ground like a million tiny marbles.

Luke scoops my camera up and covers it with his body until I can get my purse open and make room for it. Then he grabs the blanket and the rest of our stuff from the grass and we run to his car parked a few yards away in a parking lot. The drive back to his house is gross and uncomfortable. We’re drenched right down to our underwear, and our clothes soak the fabric of the car seats. I just feel icky and want to strip off my clothes right here, but I refrain. I don’t want to pull into the drive at Luke’s house and be naked if Seth happens to be there already.

Sometime today Seth and Kendra are coming over. Now that things have been cleared up between Luke and me, I wanted Luke to know that I thought it was important he invite Kendra over. So that’s what I did just before we got rained on. I like her now that I know more about what’s going on. And I know she’s an important person in Luke’s life and they need to make up.

Luke comes back with some beer, and I’m trying to clean the place up before they get here—old habits. I wash our dishes and wipe off the counters. The stereo is on low in the background, playing a mix of my favorite stuff.

“What time are they supposed to be here?” I ask as Luke is putting the beer away in the fridge.

He steps up in front of me and kisses me hard.

“With them you never know,” he says, rubbing his hands up and down my arms. “They’re the most unpredictable people I’ve ever met.” He fishes his wallet from his pocket and tosses it on the counter. Then he begins to sift through the cabinet. “Seth has to meet Allan over on Oahu at the surf school. It might be six o’clock before they get here.” He points at me. “Want some?”

I glance at the package of Nutter Butter cookies and shake my head, making a face. He breaks apart the package and shuffles out a few.

“I kind of like Kendra,” I say. “I don’t know her very well, and we got off to a bad start, but she seems like a really good friend to you and I’m a little worried about her.”

Luke holds a cookie near his mouth and asks, “Why?” before biting it in half.

I cross my arms and lean with my hip pressed against the counter.

“I don’t know. I just am.” I pause and then say, “She tried to get closer to you because you’re the closest thing to Landon, didn’t she?” It was both a question and a statement because I’m confident I already know.

He stops chewing for a second, looking at me thoughtfully, then finishes the cookie and swallows it down. He nods.

“Yeah,” he says, and then pulls out a chair from underneath the tiny kitchen table. He puts the other cookies down. “Like I said, we’ve all taken Landon’s death really hard. Him being my brother; her fiancé. They were together for four years. It was crazy how much they loved each other. Everybody used to give ’em shit about it. All in good fun.” He stops, takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “She was pretty messed up when he died. Seth and I thought she was being reckless on purpose. I swear she wanted to die jumping a few times because when she did it, she walked away alive and well, but she seemed disappointed.” He looks right at me under hooded eyes. “And no one is ever disappointed after a jump. So even though I was trying to deal with my own demons, I tried to help her too, because I thought that if someone didn’t, she’d be next.”

“What about Seth?” I ask.

“Nah,” he says. “Seth loves her and all, but he’s not the helping type. Not that he doesn’t care or try to help. He just doesn’t know how. Anyway, I tried to help her, and we got closer, and I think she started seeing me as my brother’s replacement.”

I nod, understanding.

“Well, I think it’s natural that she’d feel like that toward you,” I say. “Especially after something like that. You and Landon must’ve been a lot alike.”

Luke smiles, a reminiscent look passing over his features.

“In more ways than not, yeah, we were a lot alike.” His eyes meet mine and then he laughs lightly. “All except for the hair.”

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