Page 135 of Anathema Codex

“I know. That’s what makes this so much fun.” I take a few steps backward and point at him. “Get out of that fucking bed today. Change the sheets, eat something, and wash your ass. I don’t want to live in a house that smells like sweaty balls.”

Ichabod drops onto his back again, punching the mattress, and I chuckle as I shake my head and walk out of the bedroom.

He’ll come around.

He always does.

TWO

Deep Cuts

ICHABOD

I can hear Lakyn whistling as he heads down the hall toward the kitchen, and his rendition of 'Heart of Glass' makes me even more bitter. For as often as he listens to Blondie, I have no idea how he doesn't think about the lyrics. They run through my head as his whistles mix with the sound of the fridge door opening.

Once I had a love and it was a gas, soon turned out I had a heart of glass. It seemed like the real thing, but I was so blind... mucho mistrust, love's gone behind. Once I had a love and it was divine, soon found out I was losing my mind.

I've obviously lost my mind. How could I have believed for even a moment that Lakyn Meyer would do something kind for me?

My stomach clenches around the emptiness inside as the horrible image from the cooler hits me again, and I curl up tighter. All I wanted was to see Bea again. I just wanted to have her smile at me one more time in that way only she ever has—like I'm someone important to her, someone cared for, someone... loved.

Lakyn's never looked at me like that.

He just looks for new ways to hurt me, and I thought after all these years that he'd exhausted all the tricks in his arsenal. I'd thought the only option he had left was to finally bring me into his special room and kill me like he should have twenty years ago, but he found another weak spot. I just never thought he'd use it because he loved Bea, too... in his own way.

Hell, he's driven across the country for her more than once, cleaned up her messes, helped her out, and why would he do any of that if he was just going to—

Don't think about it.

I don't want to remember the terrible look on her bloody face, the horrible vacant nothingness in her eyes, but it leaks into the space behind my eyelids no matter how hard I squeeze them shut. "Stop it, stop it, stop it," I hiss to myself.

The smell of coffee drifts through the house and I'm grateful that I can smell that instead of Lakyn. His scent is everywhere else. It's on the air, on the sheets, on me. My nose wrinkles as I inhale again and I roll to my back to escape it, soaking in the scent of coffee in deep, slow breaths. If I focus on that, I can almost forget everything else.Almost.

Except I don't deserve to forget.

All of this is my fault.

I don't know why I thought Aftyn would change anything. I'm not even sure what I expected, just something... different.

Then you got what you wanted, didn't you?

Fresh tears sting my eyes and I throw my arm across my face to keep them from rolling. Every time I think my heart can't break anymore, that there's no more pain to feel, a new wave of grief hits me and somehow manages to dig its claws in a little deeper. I'm not sure if this will ever go away, though. All these years I had this hope that Bea would come for me. That one day she'd show up on Lakyn's doorstep with her utter lack of fear and pluck me out of the dark.

Getting wrapped in Bea's arms was always like hugging sunlight, and I knew if she just came back that I'd feel better.

But that will never happen now.

Lakyn cut my last lifeline when he cut off Bea's head, and I don't give a fuck that he thinks he kept his promise by bringing it back in that disgusting cooler. If he thinks I'm going to forgive him for this, that I'll 'get over it,' he's got another thing coming. I'm never going to forgive him for this. I don't care how beautiful he is to look at, nothing will ever be able to erase the ugliness of this one act.

If I'm lucky, maybe he'll give up on keeping me as his pet and finally kill me.

THREE

In the Air

LAKYN

I grab my cup of coffee as I turn up the volume on the small radio I keep in the kitchen, moving my head back and forth in time asPanamaby Van Halen starts playing. I never could get into those silly fucks personally, but this tune always put me in a good mood.

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