Page 29 of Love Me Like You Do

The three of them scoff. “Happy, you? Really, Dad?” Finley says. “For the last three months in particular, you’ve not been happy. I get this divorce shit with Mom is hard but don’t let her win.”

The divorce shit my daughter mentioned, Bitchifer refused to sign the divorce papers. She reneged on the agreement that we settled three months ago. Alex was livid when she called me to tell me that they were returned with the words ‘how about no’ where she was meant to sign. Alex was ready to take it to court there and then but I told her to leave it. I’m not emotionally ready to deal with it, that’s a fight for another time. And really, it’s not like I’m wanting to get married anytime soon. It’s just a piece of paper. Right now, I just don’t have it in me to fight her. I need a clear head because when I face off with Bitchifer, she will not win. I refuse to go down when it comes to her.

“You know, Dad,” Michael adds, tipping his beer bottle toward me. Whatever he’s about to say he clearly means business if he’s tipping his beer bottle toward me. “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”

My eyes widen at his comment because I’m now imagining a certain green-eyed blonde underneath me. Shaking my head, I focus on the present because I need to: A. Not have a boner at dinner with my kids. And B. It can never happen.

“Like you’ve ever been under someone,” Konrad teases his brother, playfully smacking him in the arm. “You and Mrs. Palmer are very well acquainted and you two have been since you were thirteen.”

“Says the one who told me all about Mrs. Palmer when I was thirteen.”

Finley covers her ears and sings, “La lalalalalalallalaa.” She uncovers her ears and adds, “I don’t need to hear about you guys and Mrs. Palmer, and I definitely don’t what to think about you two bumping uglies with anyone. Ugh!” She shudders, then schools her features and if I know my daughter, she’s about to shock her brothers, and me. “Just like I’m sure you don’t want to think of Dad and Mrs. Palmer.” Hmmm, that was tame … and then she adds, “Or me flicking the bean.”

I’d just taken a sip of beer when she adds that last part and beer sprays across the table, covering Konrad and Michael. “Finley Heatherington,” I growl.

“Ooo, you just got full-named,” Michael teases.

Wiping my mouth, I shake my head. “I was just thinking that this was a great evening and now we’re in the gutter.”

“Dad,” Konrad laments, “it’s not a family dinner if we don’t end up off the beaten—pun intended—conversation path.”

“This is true,” I nod, “but there are some things a father doesn’t want to think about. Loosely talking about that topic is okay but when it’s directed at specific family members, no, just no.”

“Someone’s gone soft in their old age,” Konrad whispers not so quietly to Michael.

“Maybe he can’t get it up anymore and that’s why he’s not dating. They do say it’s all downhill after forty.”

“My dick is just fine,” I tell them.

“Daaaaaaad,” Finley screeches, shaking her head. “Okay, new rule, no more dick and bean talk at the dinner table.”

“Deal,” Konrad and Michael shout. Then all eyes are on me.

“Hey, I didn’t start it but yes, I agree.” I pause. “But it might be HARD for your brothers though.”

My boys laugh and my daughter, well once again, she screeches my name. I can’t help it and I laugh, but that laugh quickly stops when I look over at the bar and see Calliope, Fern, and a gentleman. The gentleman is standing precariously close to My Sunshine. I clench my teeth in anger, I know I have no right to be angry but I can’t help it. It seems Calliope Fischer is going to be the death of me.

ChapterNineteen

Fern dragged me to The Irish Giant for a few sneaky drinks before she meets up with her current fuck buddy, Tucker. Why I need to be here too, I don’t know. It’s not like the three of us are going to have a ménage, I love my bestie but not like that. I’m a one dick girl and the one dick I want is currently sitting at a table nearby having dinner with his family.

Tucker has just gone to the restroom again for what seems like the millionth time. “What’s up with his bladder?” I ask Fern, just as Rosie places another glass of wine in front of me.

“I don’t know,” Fern replies with a shrug. “Maybe you make him nervous?”

“Me?” I screech. “What the hell?”

“Your reaction just now was priceless, babe.”

“Eat a dick, bitch.”

“I plan to later.” She winks at me and I shake my head.

“Please don’t ever change, Fern. You are the one constant in my life.”

“I don’t ever plan on it. You’re stuck with me until we are old and senile in the old folks’ home and then when we forget each other, we will become best friends all over again.”

“Fern, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, and for the record,” I reach over and squeeze her shoulder, “I can’t wait to forget you to meet you again too.”

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