Page 88 of A Lie so Dangerous and Fragile

“I know what to do,” he cut in.

“Okay. Call me if anything happens,” I said, and he gave me a curt nod.

Why was I suddenly so nervous around him? Maybe it was the thoughts that might be running through his head about how horrible I was for giving Kayla away.

“You can use one of the cars, or Eduardo can drop you off if you don’t wanna drive,” he said.

“No. I will take the bus.”

“The bus stop is a ten-minute walk from here.”

“I know. I need to exercise anyway.”

He looked like he wanted to say more, but he stayed silent. I didn’t know how long the awkwardness would last. I hated it. After the trip, it’d been tense between us.

“I will see you later. Mommy’s gotta go to work,” I whispered, stepping closer to Tristan to give Kayla a kiss.

She kept staring at me like I was a stranger. My body brushed against Tristan’s torso as I pushed myself up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to Kayla’s cheek.

“I love you,” I said to her, but she just stared back at me as if she didn’t recognize me. It hurt every time, but I deserved it.

“Bye. Love you.” I smiled and kissed Kayden all over his face, and he giggled. I didn’t want to do too much with Kayla since she was still trying to get to know me.

I put Kayden down and turned to Tristan, who was already staring at me. “I’m leaving,” I said and turned to walk away.

I waved at the twins. Kayden waved back, and Kayla snuggled closer to Tristan. I was half-expecting him to say something like,Have a nice day, or,Stay safe, but he said nothing. I walked away with a heavy heart.

I stepped outside and spent the ten-minute journey to the bus stop pondering on what I wanted and my plans moving forward. I was having a battle with my brain and my heart as I tried to see my situation from different angles. I didn’t know if I should listen to my heart or my brain. I didn’t have an eternity to think about it. Whatever decision it was, I wanted it to be purely rational and not based on my emotions. The last time my emotions had numbed every logical decision, I had been blinded by rage and fear, and I had given my daughter away, suffered in silence, and hidden the kids from their father. They might grow up, hating me.

By the time I got to the bus stop, I was still conflicted. I chatted with Vina during the bus ride and convinced her to come over to the diner after my shift was over. It was my turn to lock up today, so I could take my time. I needed to talk to her about everything. I wouldn’t hide anything from her anymore.

***

Vina walked into the diner as I was cleaning the last table. She looked tired as she approached me in her red scrubs. Her new job had been draining the life out of her, and right now, I wanted to hug and nurse her to sleep.

“Please tell me you left something for me to eat,” she sighed, sinking into one of the seats.

“You look like shit,” I said with my face scrunched up.

“And you look like a sexy waitress. No wonder those high school boys hit on you,” she said, and I scoffed.

“Give me five minutes. I will be right back.” I walked away to take out the trash.

She was on her phone when I returned.

“Here you go, Your Highness.” I placed some fries and chicken nuggets with a burger in front of her. I went back and brought a can of soda for her.

“Eat up. I have to lock up in twenty minutes,” I told her, taking the seat in front of her.

“You’re such a bad friend. Why would you feed me this at midnight?” she asked, stuffing her mouth with fries.

“I could go cut some grass for you if you want.”

“I missed you.” She smiled and kicked me. “How have you been? And the twins? Has Kayla called you Mom yet?”

“I’m still alive. I feel like an immortal.” I laughed at myself. “The twins are all right. They have been keeping Tristan busy, and Kayla lets me carry her around, so that’s progress.”

“So, do you still wanna move to another state?”

---