Page 75 of A Lie so Dangerous and Fragile

I tried to fight when they took my paymentfor tonight’s work. They hit me and pushed me to the ground. I watched them as they shared the money among themselves.

They walked away, leaving me alone. The corner of my lips and my elbow were bruised from their push. I forced myself up and staggered to the house. I made my way quietly to my room, trying not to wake anyone. I walked over to the cribs next to my bed and smiled at the twins. The sight of them after a bad day always helped to uplift my mood, but today was different.

The money for their diaper and half of this month’s rent had been stolen. I already owed rent from last month.

I didn’t want them to suffer. I’d brought them into this world, and they deserved to be happy. I felt the tears gathering in my eyes. I sucked at this. I was never going to be able to provide for them. Maybe I should have gotten rid of the pregnancy when I had the chance, to save them from all the struggles. My stomach grumbled, reminding me that I’d only had mangoes the whole day.

I can’t do this.

I slid slowly to the floor beside Kayla’s crib and cried, blocking the sound of my cry. Would things ever get better? Where was my happily ever after? Had I been born to be miserable? Didn’t I deserve at least a little break from all the pain? I had turned twenty-two without celebrating with anyone, except a text from Adrian and a video call from Belvina, who sang me a birthday song and showed me the cake she’d baked for me. Mrs. Rodriguez and Yoselin hadn’t known about my birthday, and in a few months, I would be turning twenty-three.

It never got better. As much as I loved my babies and wanted to provide for them, I was starting to think about giving them up for adoption to a family who could provide for them and make them happy.

I was better off alone. They didn’t deserve to share in my sins and pain.

22

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Found

NOW

I held my breath as Dr. Mendoza looked away from her computer and focused her dark eyes on us. The look on her face was making me anxious. Tristan increased his grip on my hand. She exhaled and looked back at her computer screen, then back at me.

“Your daughter is now in foster care,” she told me.

Something else I couldn’t identify immediately laced her words. Maybe I’d imagined it.

“Foster care? How?”

What happened to her adoptive parents? How long has she been in foster care? Is she okay?

“Last year, there was a terrible accident that involved her adoptive parents. There were complications with other relatives, and the kids’ safety was compromised, so we had to take them into our foster care program. She is safe now. A few months ago, a lovely family took her in. Her foster parents are great people. They have been with the program for ten years.”

I couldn’t bring myself to see the look on Tristan’s face, not when his grip on my hand loosened and he shifted in his seat. I’d thought I was giving Kayla a better life.

What had I put her through? Oh my God, what have I done?

“I just reviewed your file. You know you can’t have her back. It’s the law, and you signed all the papers. I’m sure you read them.”

“I don’t give a shit about what she signed. Tell me where our daughter is,” Tristan said, becoming impatient.

I intertwined my fingers with his, trying to get him to relax. From the look on Dr. Mendoza’s face, I was scared she would call security to kick us out. I knew the papers I’d signed, and it’d stated clearly that I shouldn’t come back for her.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t help you,” she said calmly and started going through a file in front of her—her sign of dismissal.

Tristan’s face hardened. He stood up and walked out, slamming the door. I looked back at Dr. Mendoza, and she was staring at me. I picked up my bag with shaky hands.

“I gave her up because I couldn’t provide for her. If I could go back and undo all my wrongs, I would do it in a heartbeat.” I said and stood up.

“Tell your husband he shouldn’t—”

“We are not together,” I cut in quickly.

She appeared surprised.

“Thank you for agreeing to see us. Have a nice day.”

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