“It’s okay to feel that way, but believe me when I tell you, they will be the best thing that has ever happened to you. Forget those people who hurt you. Focus on your babies because they will bring back the light in your life.”

“I’m so scared.” I whimpered.

Mrs. Rodriguez wrapped her arm around me. I welcomed her warmth and the fresh smell of bar soap mixed with the argan oil she’d used on my hair.

I had tried to be strong. I had tried to fight the pain on my own, but nothing had felt lighter and more relaxing than sharing my feelings with them. It was great to have someone, great to have some encouragement and a reminder that life wasn’t over till your heart stopped beating.

But I wanted the pain to stop. Moments like this, alcohol helped, and I was craving it even if I knew it would be bad for my babies. I couldn’t pretend to be strong anymore. I was holding on to a thin thread, and I was slowly letting go.

“I need help. I can’t do this.”

“You will be fine. You have us,querida.”

“I still need help. I’m scared I might go crazy and do something that will hurt the babies,” I admitted.

They both stared at me and exchanged a worried glance between each other, probably second-guessing keeping me here. They had to know I was a danger to myself and to the babies.

“Yes, we’ll help you in any way possible. God has a reason for bringing you here,” Yoselin said softly. She walked to the bed and sat next to me. “He is with you. God won’t put you through a situation he knows you can’t get yourself out of,” she whispered, taking my hand.

I nodded to her words. I wasn’t a religious person, but right now, I was desperate for any source of assurance and hope.

“Is there a place I can sign up for therapy?” I asked in a quiet voice.

“I will ask around,” Yoselin said.

“Thank you.” I sniffled.

“Stay with her.Necesito ver a tu papa,” Mrs. Rodriguez said and walked away.

“Do you need anything?” Yoselin asked, her voice soft and soothing.

“No, I wanna lie down. My head is hurting.” I groaned and lay on the small bed. The old mattress still felt uncomfortable.

Yoselin held on to my hand, and I didn’t want her to let go. I increased my grasp on her hand as I closed my eyes, scared she’d leave. I heard her humming. Her voice was so therapeutic and angelic that I went to sleep quicker than I’d expected.

***

Yoselin found a group therapy session in the city. The journey to the therapy center was a long one, which made it difficult for me.

“How about Javier? He works very close to the city. He can drop you off,” Mrs. Rodriguez suggested during dinner.

Javier brought supplies to the shop. He was very friendly to every customer he met and always tried to impress me with his English, which I found funny. I didn’t get how he was hitting on someone heavily pregnant.

I didn’t mind him giving me a ride to my therapy session. I needed some laughter in my life right now, and he was the best person for that.

“Sure.” I smiled at Mrs. Rodriguez, who was feeding her husband.

He’d been suffering from multiple strokes. I knew how much they were struggling, but they never ceased to smile.

15

______________________

Breathing

NOW

I gasped immediately after I heard the gunshot. I pulled Kayden to my chest.