Page 24 of A Lie so Dangerous and Fragile

I hated her.

I looked down at my stomach. The big T-shirt concealed my fear. My breasts looked fuller and rounder, twice bigger than the normal size. My hand moved reluctantly to raise the hem of the T-shirt. I paused when I grabbed the hem. I released a deep breath and dragged the shirt up. No bump in sight. I still recalled the five pregnancy tests I’d taken, coming out positive.

I saw two streaks of stretch marks on my waist, and I wanted to cry. I placed my palm on my stomach, as if it would convince me that there was no baby. I shook my head and pulled the shirt down.

I was sick of crying. My tear ducts were already empty. I splashed some cold water on my face, hoping it would calm the anxiety building up in my chest. Maybe there was no baby. I was terrified of being a mother. I wasn’t ready.

What if I hate the baby? Or can’t afford to take care of the baby?

“Who am I kidding? I don’t got this,” I sighed and sank to the floor. “I’m sorry you ended up in the wrong womb. Do you even like all the junk I have been feeding you? What if the spices from that pepper chicken got in your nose? Wait, I don’t think you have a nose yet.”

I giggled and looked down at my stomach.

“It must be nasty in there since I have been ignoring you. Trust me, I know the feeling. I hope you don’t hate me. I’m just in a bad place right now. Maybe you should think of giving my bladder a break. I don’t know if you are the reason for the body pain and weird cravings, but you need to take it easy on Mommy, okay?”

I smiled and leaned back on the counter. “This place is a mess. You must hate it. I will try and clean up and take a shower, I promise,” I whispered.

“We could go for a walk after that. I’m sure you’re dying to explore this city.”

I stood up and walked to the living room. I pulled the drapes apart, and the stream of sunlight stabbed my eyes, so I had to close them quickly.

“Must be sizzling outside today. Don’t worry; I got you covered.”

I searched for my phone and frowned when I found it dead. I walked to the bedroom and plugged it in.

I unpacked my suitcase and arranged my clothes in the closet. I picked up the dirty clothes off the floor and put them aside for dry cleaning. I threw the empty cans, takeout plates, and candy wrappers in the trash. The housekeepers could take care of the vacuuming and stains on the floor since I had no tools for that.

I soaked myself in a bubble bath and relaxed as I listened to a motivational podcast on my phone. I tried to let the words engrave in my brain.

It was good to feel clean, like I’d cleansed myself of all the heartache, depression, and pain. I slipped on a white floral sundress and a pair of sandals. I battled with my hair, which I hadn’t paid attention to in weeks. I tried not to panic at the amount of hair I’d lost.

I picked up my bag and phone. I suddenly felt like hiding in bed and shutting out the world. The road to the door felt like one with gravel and thorns.

“It’s a process—one step at a time,” I whispered and opened the door.

I met one of the hotel housekeepers outside and asked her to please clean my room. I put on a smile and entered the elevator.

“I will be fine,” I assured myself.

9

______________________

Caught

NOW

I had never felt this scared in my life. For the past couple of days, I’d been jumpy. My heart dived every time someone called my name. I kept looking over my shoulder to see if I was being followed. Every time I saw a police officer or a police car, I froze. Tying someone up and holding them against their will was a crime, right? Ryan was still tied up in my closet. Every time I thought about it, my heart beat faster than ever, and I felt like passing out. It’d been two days since I’d knocked Ryan out and tied him up in my closet. I was cautious in everything I did to avoid raising any suspicion.

I would be going to jail if someone found out what I had done. I was freaking out every passing second, imagining the worst-case scenario. This wasn’t something I ever imagined doing. I wished things were different.

I gripped the strap on my bag as I walked home after my shift. I jumped when I heard a noise behind me. I turned around, only to see a lady and her dog jogging down the street. She smiled at me, and I returned it.

I exhaled in relief and kept walking. I had never done anything like this in my life. It felt like I had murdered someone and was trying to hide the body.

I unlocked my door with shaky fingers, hoping Vina was not back. I dropped my bag on the couch and walked to the kitchen. I got a bottle of water and the takeout I had bought on my way back. I locked the door to my room and walked into the closet. Ryan glared at me as I took the seat in front of him.

“Hi, Ryan.” I smiled at him.

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