I mean, Elliot, my ex-husband, cheated on me with his business partner in our bed and I had the unpleasant experience of walking in while he was fucking her in the ass. I saw it firsthand, heard her screams and his grunts. Yet, somehow, the whole ordeal didn't dent my spirits nearly as much as having Elijah, Isaac, and Renz walk out on me after the night we shared.
Why is that? Am I so messed up that I imagined our incredible night meant way more than it actually did? Is it possible to have such an intense, magical, and emotional night with a person, or three people in my case, and feel absolutely nothing afterwards? Not for me, apparently. I'm quite the opposite. I feel way too much about that night.
Regardless, I guess it’s time to get over it. "You're right," I murmur, swallowing thickly and forcing my nerves back down.
Lily's eyes widen in shock at my agreement, and she nods stoically. "You have to move on, sis. I swear, there are way more fish in the metaphorical sea."
"You make it sound like I've been pining for them. I haven't just been sitting around knitting scarves for my cats and crying over them, Lily, geez."
"No? What have you been doing then, dear sister? Let's see." She taps her chin with her pointer finger before ticking off all of my apparent indiscretions on her hand. "Quitting their gym so you don't have to see them. Avoiding practically half the city, which is insane, by the way, considering you live in SoHo. Y—"
Interrupting her rant, I point out, “Okay, but like, their gym is in Lower Manhattan and their club is in Midtown. It would make sense that they live somewhere in the middle, right? Any normal person would want to avoid their ex's neighborhood."
"But they aren't your ex-boyfriends, Violet!" she shouts, waving her arms in the air. The taxi driver shoots her an annoyed look that she completely ignores. I grimace at her tone and her statement because she's right. I don't know why I said that.
I’ve never had such an intense connection with another human, let alone three, in my entire life. So yeah, it hurts and yeah, I am avoiding them. Or I was, clearly, because now I’m being forced into the snake pit.
"Yes, I understand that’s likely where they live but newsflash, Vi, so do you! Fuck them and their giant, beautiful, pierced, magical cocks! Fuck their incredible sexual skills and pretty faces! Fuck the—"
"I get it! None of those reminders are helping me!" I screech, but her words are finally cutting through the pain. "You're right, okay? I get it."
Exhaling deeply, I settle back into the seat and look at my sister, letting her see the hurt. "Fuck, I get it. What Elliot did was messed up, and while it didn't hurt me the way it should have, it still left me a little fucking raw. I didn't love him, and I’d suspected he was cheating on me for a while, but seeing it, seeingwhohe chose over me? That's what hurt. Honestly, I thought I’d dealt with all that shit but then the guys came along..."
Lily’s eyes widen as realization starts to dawn on her face."And they fucked you over just as quickly. I'm so sorry Violet.” She sighs and scoots over to lean her head on my shoulder. "I guess I thought it was only one night of wild sex with three hot guys. I figured it was like your dream come true, but Vi, one-night stands usually end there. I didn't realize it brought up deeper shit for you, but I should have. It makes sense."
Resting my head on top of hers, I squeeze my eyes closed, shutting down the random tears threatening to spill over. I’m not a crier. This is ridiculous. "I don't even know why I'm sad right now," I huff out a bitter laugh.
"Because you're a human with human emotions and a vagina and yeah, vaginas rule but let's face it, they also make us a little emotional sometimes." Lily grabs my hand, giving in a squeeze as we both chuckle over her stupid joke. Vaginas don't make us emotional; they make us badass. "Let's just go, have a drink, dance a little, and if we do happen to see them, fuck it and fuck them. Just not literally."
"Fuck it and fuck them," I agree, laughing at her choice of words.
She squeezes my hand again. "Everything will be fine, you'll see."
Famous last words.
CHAPTER THREE
PullingupoutfrontofThe Alchemiston a Thursday night feels like the worst case of déjà vu I have ever experienced. Chills flood my body almost immediately, and I know damn well it's not from the cold.
The line out front is just as long as it was that night, if not longer, women and men wearing their cocktail best littering the streets. It's still early enough that the club likely just opened, so no one is outwardly drunk and stumbling. The excited energy of the crowd is pretty obvious.
On the other hand, my energy is like a 7-year-old forced to go to the dentist. My sister is just lucky that she doesn't have to physically carry me inside while I kick and scream.
While Lily finishes up her phone call with Remi, I step up to hold our spot in line. Butterflies fill my stomach and I have to admit that if I dig down—way, way down, underneath all the nerves and anticipation—a small thrill of excitement lives in the pit of my belly. What would happen if I saw them? Would they say hi? Would they walk away?
Oh shit. What if they don't remember me?
I internally slap myself at the thought. No, Violet, just no. We're no longer living in the world of self-deprecation and anxiety. No more sadness. No more negative Nancy thoughts. I need to remember my inner badass bitch and channel the fuck out of her. My sister was right, these dudes may be hot as fuck, but they're just men. At the end of the day, they're just three in a sea of many.
Standing tall, I subtly adjust my boobs, making sure I have maximum boner-inducing cleavage, and straighten my skirt. It's one of my favorites because it makes my ass pop and exposes my thigh tattoo. The long slit that runs up the side goes up so high, if I bend just right, everyone would be able to see my clit. It's perfect for tonight.
If I do see them, I'll just make them regret the day they walked out on me. Actually, fuck that. I'll make them regret the day they met me.
PSYCHOPATH-CHARLOTTE LAWERNCE
A smile slowly spreads across my face at the thought.
"What has you smiling like that all of the sudden?" Lily asks, poking me in the gut. I grunt and bat her hand away making her giggle.