Page 111 of Evolve

"It. Is. Not. Your. Fault."He punctuates each word with a fierce growl as though he's trying to engrain their meaning into my soul but it's too late, my soul is already fucking black and destroyed. It was destroyed the day my family fell apart and he is wrong, it is my fault. I chose to hide in that closet like a fucking coward and I watched my mother and my sister as they were brutally raped and then kidnapped from a place that was supposed to be safe.

It is my fault and there is no redemption for me. None. My life, my job, my future; purgatory. I deserve nothing more and nothing less.

I open my mouth to tell him just that, but we're interrupted by my phone going off. I consider not answering it but the tone tells me it's one of the guys and we don't ignore their calls, ever. Pulling it from my pocket, I glance down and see its Gage. Swallowing down the vitriol that I was ready to throw at his little brother, I answer the call and put it on speaker, saving myself from having to relay any messages I'd have to pass to Madd when I don't even want to talk to him in the first fucking place.

"Hey," I grunt and there is no doubt that even Gage can hear how pissed I am right now.

"Where is Ella?" he asks, his voice sharp and to the point. My hackles rise at his tone and I find myself leaning over the bar. Maddox mimics my posture, his fingers already tapping on the counter.

"She's at her house. Why?"

He pauses before speaking again and I can tell that he's driving from the background noises. "And where the fuck are you?" he growls. Maddox shoots me a glare as though he's wondering what and the fuck is going on just like his brother. Rolling my eyes, I fight the urge to flick Madd between the eyes.

"There was an emergency atRushand I'm here dealing with it. I sent her ahead with Raptor and Quan so she can start packing."

"What the fuck?" Maddox snaps at the same time Gage asks, "Where is Maddox." Their overlapping pissed-off voices do nothing to calm the storm of irritation that's ready to explode inside of me.

"There was an emergency atThe Den.I just got toRushto pick Nyx up. What's going on?"

Gage growls and I can hear him punch the steering wheel before he finally speaks. "Doesn't it seem fucking odd that there was an emergency at both of our businesses at the same fucking time that resulted in you two being split up? Especially while Stone was forced out of town for a job he shouldn't be on when I'm called in for an urgent fucking meeting with Gus?" My heart starts to beat wildly in my chest. What the fuck is going on?

Looking up, I meet Maddox's panicked eyes over the bar and before I can even open my mouth, he's already pulling out his phone and calling Isabella. Putting it on speaker for all of us to hear, we wait for her sweet voice to fill the empty bar. When we get nothing but constant rings before finally going to her voicemail, my stomach begins to twist. He calls again and again before finally sending her a text. No answer, no response. Gage's voice cuts through my phone as a slew of curse words fly from his mouth, getting louder with each word. His level of fury fills me with a sense of dread that I can't explain.

"What's going on Gage? What aren't you telling us?" Maddox chokes out, his face looking pained.

There's a weighted silence before he finally answers. "Stone called, he's on his way home. He finally got us some information today."

"Spit it out!" I roar, slamming my hand on the bar as a red haze begins to settle over my vision. I just know that whatever he says next, is going to fucking ruin me. I just know it.

"Alyssa's body was found this morning, right before CCTV picked up Andrew Remington the Third crossing the Bay Bridge and entering the city. He's back in town."

Eros-Ludovico

My heart thumps erratically in my chest and my head pounds to the point of my vision blurring. Gage's words barely penetrate through the hazy fog that is rapidly consuming me. He's here? In our city? No, no that can't be possible. The first time in almost two months that she's out of our sight, out in the open and vulnerable, and he's back now?

She's alone.

Because of me.

She didn't want to go with them. She begged me. She pleaded and I ignored her, dismissed her. I yelled at her and treated her as less than before forcing her into a car with a man who makes her uncomfortable. After everything she's been through, everything that has happened to her and I didn't even care. Too wrapped up in my own shit to really fucking listen to her.

And now….

No. I can't go down that road. I can't think like that. But what if…what if it's already too—

"Nyxon! What the fuck is wrong with you?" Maddox barks before I'm shoved off of the barstool. I barely have time to catch myself before landing on my ass. I stumble but right myself quickly. My eyes dart up to find Madd standing before me, his body primed and ready to fight, his Glock in his hand, his fingers squeezing the weapon so tightly that they've gone white. His face is full of pure, unfettered rage. But his eyes—they give everything away.

He looks fuckingterrified.

It's that look that finally snaps me out of my inward spiral of loathing, self-hatred, and my own healthy dose of fear. When my surroundings come back to me, I find the room silent except for our heavy breathing. Maddox eye's me suspiciously like he's trying to see inside of my head, or fuck, maybe even deeper than that, before he jerks a nod and shoves me again.

"Get your fucking head straight brother, we have to go. Now!" Seeing the resolute sureness in his expression gives me the push I need to get my shit together. I shake my head from the thoughts that we're taking me to a dark place only moments ago and instead, I allow them to fill me.

She will be fine. Nothing will have happened to her. She's barely been gone an hour. I will fix this. I have to, for them.

And for me.

No. I swallow that stupid fucking thought as quickly as it comes. After everything that I've done and said to her, I don't deserve her, and after how I treated her today…no. Just, no. She's not mine and she never will be but I will make damn sure that she is safe and looked after so she can live happily with my brothers.

---