Page 40 of Evolve

“We don’t know anything for sure. Why don’t you fill us in, brother,” Gage grunts.

“Over ten years I’ve looked for her. I never stopped. I never gave up the idea that she could still be alive, the hope. Not once.” He braces his hands on the bar and drops his head, shaking it. “And for ten years, she was here, in the same fucking city as us. She was here, going through whatever and the fuck she went through, alone. She lost her memories, she tried to kill herself, she wound up with that piece of shit, and now, after all that, she’s in our fucking house. Inmyfucking house. How? How and the fuck has this happened and what and the fuck am I supposed to do?”

We’re silent for a moment before Maddox speaks. “What do you want to do?”

“What I want doesn’t fucking matter,” Stone snaps as he spins around. “What I want isn’t possible. What I want, no what Ineedcan not fucking happen so it is irrelevant.”

“And what is that?” Gage asks, taking a large swallow of his drink as he considers Stone. Tilting his head to the side and completely ignoring the fact that our usually well-spoken, quiet best friend is literally yelling at the top of his lungs, he waits for him to continue.

“No,” Stone shakes his head, “like I said, it doesn-”

“Yes, it fucking does!” Now I’m the one to snap. “Of course it fucking matters. If she is who you think she is—”

“She is,” he interrupts, placing his hands on his hips as he begins to pace. “She is. It's fucking her. I am one hundred percent certain. I would never,” he pauses before choking out, “I would never, could never, forget her.”

“Okay,” I nod, believing him completely. “It’s her. I trust you. So, after all these fucking years of searching for her, missing her, loving her, what you want matters, Alec. Whatever it is, your feelings are fucking valid. Isn't that what you're spouting to us all the goddamned time? Our feelings and emotions are valid and it's okay to feel them. And I will tell you this right now,brother, I would rather you have your fucking feelings out here in the open than to have to see that shit,” I gesture toward his dungeon of fucking horrors, “ever again.”

He stops pacing and looks up at the closed door to the room we were just in before looking back at me. He shrugs and his lip tips up in a slight grin. “What that? That was nothing.”

“It's not fucking funny, Stone. You may be fine right now, but when I walked in that room I thought—” I break off, looking him up and down, “look at yourself, man. You're fucking covered in blood. I thought you really fucking did it this time.”

“We've talked about this. Masochism doesn't mean suicidal,” he growls. “It's just how I deal with shit, it's how I get—”

“We know, Stone. It's how you get the pain out,” Gage adds, nodding, “but you have to understand that while we support you and we can even comprehend what you need, what you've told us, it's hard to see because we care about you. The same way it would hurt you to see one of us bleeding out.” Stone rolls his eyes at that, as though it's an over-exaggeration. “Regardless, what do you want as far as Ella is concerned?”

Stone suddenly looks as though he's had the wind knocked out of him as he doubles over, bracing himself on his knees. “That's not her fucking name,” he grunts, breathing heavily. “She may have never told me her name, but it wasn't that.”

“Yeah, I still don't understand that whole weird fucking dynamic,” Maddox murmurs, crossing his leg and resting his ankle on his knee. “I've always thought it was fucking weird that you had this like, best friend relationship with her but she wouldn't tell you her name.”

Stone stands again and runs a hand through his long hair. It's loose today, not pulled back like it normally is.

“When we met, she came to me because she heard me in the treehouse crying about some bullshit my dad pulled. She had run off from her family, it was the middle of the night and we commiserated together. Then we started meeting anytime we could get away. If one of us showed up and the other wasn't there, we left messages for each other. But she was always weird about her home life. She never told me which house was hers, or even what fucking neighborhood. When I threatened to follow her home, she said if I did, she’d stop being my friend. But by that point, I already needed her friendship and I didn't want to fuck it up.” He sighs but smiles softly as he recalls the memories. We've already heard all this but I think he needs this to process.

“Anytime I asked about her home, she told me things vaguely. She had just a mom, no dad. She was 10 when we met. She told me her birthday, she loved that it was on Halloween because it was the only time her mom really ever let her out of the house. She was crazy protective. That’s the reason she took off that first night we met. Her mom wouldn’t let her have any friends and she didn’t understand why. She was homeschooled and it was killing her to be so secluded. I understood. I had you guys but you were my only friends, and I was hers. But she was cagey about details and I never pushed. The one thing that bothered me the most though was that I wasn’t allowed to know her name. Then one day, she asked me the Spanish word for sky.” He pauses and looks up at the ceiling, inhaling deeply.

“She said that the sky was her favorite thing in the world because it was free,” he huffs out a laugh. “I remember thinking how stupid that sounded at the time. It didn’t make any sense to me. She said that the sky was always beautiful, no matter what time it was, there was always something new to see. It was full of life. But she said her favorite part about the sky was that no matter where we were, we could always look up and we’d be able to see the same thing. She said if I ever missed her, or was sad and needed her, to look up at the sky and know that she was with me. It was the nonsensical ramblings of a ten-year-old little girl, but it meant everything to me. She said she liked the way the word sounded in Spanish better and to call her that, so, I never questioned her name again.”

He sits back down on the couch and we fall into silence again.

“I want to go back in time and look harder. I want to have not missed out on ten years of each other’s lives. But what I really fucking want, is for her to remember me,” he grunts, squeezing his eyes closed. “She looked at me like I was a stranger and all I wanted to do was pick her up and hold her, but I can't and there is not a goddamned thing I can do about that. So when you say what I want matters, I’m telling you, it doesn’t.”

“Let me ask you this,” Gage begins, waiting for Stone to look at him. When he does, he continues, “Does she mean enough to you to try anyway?” Stone furrows his brow in question. “Does she mean enough to you, to try anyway, despite the fact that she’s probably different from the little girl you remember? Despite the fact that she’s been through hell and she’s lost a big chunk of her life. Does she mean enough to you to start over with her? No past, no memories, no foundation. A clean start. Is she worth it?”

Stone sucks in a sharp breath as he stares wide-eyed at Gage. Gage doesn’t relent or look away. Stone breaks eye contact first. He looks down at his almost empty glass of whiskey, rolling around in his hand as he considers Gage’s words. Finally, he looks up, a hard set to his jaw.

“Yeah, man, she really fucking does.”

Gage nods like that's the answer he expected all along. "Okay then, do that. Build a friendship with her, a new one. Start over. Be there for her and see where it takes you. Learn about the new her because I may not have known her when you did, but she's pretty fucking incredible now, man."

Looking up at Gage, it's clear as day that he's fucking smitten with the girl. I don't know what about this entire situation is more surprising to me; the fact that she has somehow entranced both of the Luna brothers who, despite the fact that they are solid for us, our brotherhood, they are generally emotionally fucking stunted. Maddox has more intimacy problems than basically anyone else I've ever met. Gage is rough around the edges and tends to push people away, choosing not to form attachments, especially with women. Stone has held out for the chick who tied him around her finger ten fucking years ago and looking at him now, she still holds every single piece of my brother's heart in her little palm.

"So, are we going to talk about the elephant in the room then? Or just sit and stare at each other?" Maddox drawls. I glance over, finding him already looking at me, despite the fact that one of his hands is holding his tumbler of scotch and the other is spinning his pocketknife in circles as those it's second nature. I don't know how the dude hasn't sliced off a finger by now.

Gage takes a swig of his drink as he looks between the three of us before settling his gaze onto Stone with an expectant look. Clearly, he knows whatever Madd is referring to.

"What?" Stone mumbles, confusion etched all over his face.

Gage and Maddox both shift uncomfortably in their seats. Madd clears his throat and sinks deeper into the chair, obviously giving the floor to his older brother. Gage rolls his eyes and I swear he looks like he's ready to smack the back of Madd's head like he used to do when we were young and one of us would do something especially moronic.

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