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LANDON:Ok, my buddy’s at his fishing cabin, but he’s hopping in the truck and heading this way. He’s at least an hour out though. He thinks we’re probably jumping to conclusions, but he’s going to call as soon he knows anything. You’re going to have to keep my phone. I can’t take it into the dugout. Just answer any call that comes through. His name is Marcus Weatherby.

COACH GERBER:What the hell is going on? Ryan why the fuck aren’t you on the—Why did he just give you his phone?

chapter 42

Katie slammed the door closed, her fingers fumbling for the deadbolt.Really, Katie. It’s almost midnight and you just open the door. Don’t even ask who it is?Landon’s voice rang in her ears, the warning she should have heeded because her useless digits never got the bolt to catch before Kyle shoved the door open. The force knocked her into a backwards scramble that landed her on her tailbone with a jolt that went straight up her spine and into her skull.

Kyle kicked the door shut behind him and was lording over her in two long strides. He looked the same as she remembered, but also entirely different. His cheeks were sunken in and his blonde hair had lost its sheen. His brown eyes seemed darker, the whites veiny and pink. He wasn’t a huge man, at least two inches shorter than Landon with a much slighter frame, but he was still bigger and stronger than Katie. And he had a gun, she realized, the blood draining from her face.

It was a handgun, like hers, but bigger and gray, with Kyle’s knuckles clenched white around the handle, his finger on the trigger. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him he was breaking"numero uno of gun safety,"as her instructor had said."You never put your finger on the trigger unless you intend to fire."The absurdity of her impulse to lecture him drew a manic giggle out of her chest and she curled up in a ball, shrouding her face so he wouldn’t see her laughing…crying…hyperventilating in shuddering gasps.

She couldn’t pass out. Not here. Not after over a year of building herself up to deal with this exact scenario. Was she really still that weak? That helpless? To fall on the floor, curl up in a ball and die? Right off the bat, no ounce of fight?

Breathe and think. Just breathe. Just breathe.

Katie pulled in a long gulp of air and held it, and the noise from the television filtered into the silence, hazy at first, the announcer’s voice choppy.

"Just ab…start game two…day’s lineup…had little…of…delay thanks to a surprise thunderstorm that’s rolled into town,but the stadium roof is closed and we’re a few minutes out from first pitch."

And another voice. Kyle’s voice: "Stop crying. Stop. STOP!…Just stop."

That last part came out as a whimper, and it cut through Katie’s panic. She quit rocking in her little ball and held herself still to listen.

"It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Bunny, I just wanted to surprise you, that’s all."

Katie unfurled herself, propping up on one arm and one hip to see if his body language matched his defeated tone. It did. He’d fallen to his knees, just feet away from her, the gun loose in his palm, trigger finger now around the handle.

"Really?" she asked, wiping her cheeks. "You just wanted to surprise me?"

"Yes Bunny, I just wanted to surprise you, okay? I didn’t mean to scare you. I tried to call and text but you never answer me. You NEVER ANSWER ME!"

Katie scrambled for the persona Kyle liked best. As if commanded, she dropped her eyes and hung her head, ready to nod instaunch agreement with any syllable he uttered. "I’m sorry, Kyle. My phone…I left my phone at work. I'm so sorry. I didn’t know it was you. I’m here all alone in the city and I didn’t realize it was you. I opened the door, saw a man and I, I, I panicked."

She watched his face, watched the cogs turn to process what she’d said. But she couldn’t hold her gaze firm. She didn’t have the strength not to look at the gun still cradled in his hand. He caught her looking and his face hardened, right along with his grip on the handle.

Katie reacted, launching herself at him before he could raise his arm, not to tackle him, but to hug him and drop kisses all over his neck and cheeks. "I can’t believe you’re here, Kyle. I missed you. I didn’t even know I missed you so much until I saw you. You have no idea, I’ve been so, so lost. To see someone from home—to seeyou—it means a lot."

The words were fake, but the tears sliding down her cheeks were real and Kyle brought his thumb up to brush them away. The sweat wafted off him in acrid waves, repulsing her almost as much as the feel of his touch.

She knew what he was going to do next and there was no way to stop him, but when he worked his tongue into her mouth, vomit bubbled up from her her stomach and burned into her chest. She pushed against his chest and turned her face, until her cheek took the brunt of his slobbery mouth.

"Wait Kyle, not like this. I need a moment. I want to remember this moment. I want to feel good for it."

She started to pull back but his hand captured her upper arm. "I’m an idiot for making you cry, Bunny. You know I didn’t mean to. I don’t want to hurt you, Katherine Marie. Just don’t shut me out. I just got here and already you’re crying. I’m so…so….so stupid."

Katie’s eyebrows came together. He’d never called her by her proper name before. Only her mother called her that. The hand with the gun rose up and she stiffened, but he only petted her with it, running the side of the pistol against her hair in soothing swipes.

"It’s okay, Bunny, don’t worry, don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not going to hurt you ever again. I love you, but I can’t tell you that if you won’t even speak to me. I'm not going to hurt you."

"You’re hurting me right now," she whispered, her chin nodding down at her bicep where his thumb indented her skin.

To her surprise, he released her, his hand dropping away like a limp rag. "I'm sorry, I’m so sorry, what am I doing? I said this wasn’t going to happen, I’m sorry."

Katie shimmied her knees backwards on the floor, putting distance between them as discreetly as possible. Kyle didn’t seem to notice, his eyes focused on something across the room, talking to her, but not to her.

"I never wanted to hurt you, Katie. I never wanted to hurt us. Why did you make me so mad? Why do you make me act so stupid? I didn’t mean to. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m so STUPID!"

He banged the palm of his hand against his head, a grown man throwing a toddler's fit, but instead of running away, Katie shimmied back toward him an inch, her arm shooting out to stop him with a comforting touch.

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