Page 20 of Cougar

She’s probably scared out of her mind. That thought alone brings a fresh wave of tears to my eyes.

I can’t help but feel like I’ve let her down. That I let Marcus down. I promised him she would be okay. I promised him I would take care of her.

She needed me.

I was right there.

And I let her fall.

* * *

“I had a feeling I’d find you out here.” I plop down in the sand beside Alex and look out into the dark water, the waves slamming against the shore.

When he called earlier, he insisted on coming with my parents. I didn’t argue. He was right to be worried about Jay, and I should’ve picked up on that.

“Can’t sleep,” he replies.

“Same.” I blow out a breath. “It’s after midnight. Happy birthday.” I lean to the side and bump my shoulder against his.

Alex snorts softly. “Happy birthday to you, too.”

Yes, Alex and I share a birthday. Marcus was extremely fascinated by that fact.

“It’s official. I’m a forty-year-old widow.”

Without looking over, Alex passes me the joint pinched between his fingers and leans back on his hands before exhaling a cloud of smoke. I guess this is becoming our thing.

My heart aches for Alex. His mother raised him in a normal family environment, and nearly two years into being a part of our family, he’s experienced so much heartbreak and disappointment. Meeting your biological father only to find out your time with him is limited is a mindfuck.

“You know Marcus wouldn’t have approved of this,” I tell him as I take a drag. “He hated drugs of any kind, and he hardly drank. His parents were drug addicts. He claimed they never abused him, just forgot he existed.” I snort a disgusted laugh. “Neglecting your child is still abuse. I had to fight him most of the time just to take something for a headache. And when the doctors suggested he try medical marijuana for the pain, he flat-out refused.” I shake my head. “I filled the prescription anyway. I sat down beside him on the bed, rolled a joint—I was terrible at it, by the way—and then I lit it up.” I smile sadly. “He was so angry with me at first. But then after the first drag, he realized he was in control. That he wasn’t an addict, he was sick.”

Alex nods but doesn’t look at me.

“Alex?” He finally turns his face to me, and even in the moonlight I can see his worried expression. “She’s going to be okay.”

“Will she?” he asks with a hint of anger in his tone. But judging by the shakiness of his voice, he’s not angry, he’s scared.

I don’t blame him. Jay is his little sister and his only connection to Marcus.

Inhaling a deep breath, I turn my gaze to the ocean and exhale. “She will.” She has to be. “As much as I’d like to jump in my car, drive over to the wellness center and demand to see her—to bring her home—I trust Dr. Ramos.”

He sighs. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. She needs more help than any of us can give her. I think you did the right thing by keeping her in California.” He passes me the joint.

“I appreciate that. Even if Jay had agreed to go home with my family, she wouldn’t have made it a week before she was begging to come back. This is her home and where she feels close to Marcus.”

“True.” He nods again.

“You know that stuff is just a Band-Aid, right?” Bass says, startling us both before taking a seat beside me on the sand.

“You’re not allowed to judge me, B.” I bring the joint to my lips and take another drag.

Bass raises a brow.

“What?” I croak.

“Puff, puff, pass, motherfucker. Damn.”

I exhale a laugh and a cloud of smoke followed by a cough as I pass it over to Bass.

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