Page 23 of Cougar

“Sure you can.”

“I want a piano like yours, Daddy, but one that fits me, and I want it to be pink.”

Marcus chuckled and I said, “You’re not supposed to tell us your wish, silly girl.”

“Oh.” Her nose scrunched up. “Does that mean I won’t get my wish?”

I shrugged. “I guess we’ll have to see.”

It was comical how much thought she’d put into her wishes. I realized we were teaching her the value of things. Just because you want it doesn’t mean you need it. Then one night, she said the strangest thing to me.

“Your daddy is working late in the studio, but he promised to give you your good-night kiss when he gets home.”

“Okay. I love you, Mommy.”

“I love you, too, baby girl. So much.” I leaned over and peppered kisses all over her face. She squirmed and giggled. “Good night.” I stood up from the bed and added, “Don’t forget to make your wish.”

“Mommy?”

“Hmm?”

“I don’t want to make a wish tonight.”

I frowned. “Why?”

“Because I’m saving them for something important.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know yet. That’s why I’m saving them.” She said it so matter-of-fact that I had to roll my lips between my teeth to keep from laughing out loud.

When had my little girl become so grown-up?

Thinking back now, I wonder if she’d had a premonition about Marcus. Kids have been known to sense when things aren’t right.

After Marcus and I sat her down to explain his cancer, she cried but she didn’t get hysterical. Then she stood up abruptly and announced that she was going to bed. Her behavior was odd and not of a teenage girl who’d just been told her father was dying. Marcus and I waited a few minutes before we went up to her room. Her door was closed, but we could hear her.

“I’m probably too old for wishes, but I’ve been saving them for something important. My dad is sick. He’s going to die. Please. I’ll do anything if you just make him better. Please.”

She wasn’t just making a wish. She was praying for a miracle. That’s when Marcus and I decided to reach out to Dr. Ramos. And she’s been a major part of our lives ever since.

I’d been going a little stir-crazy the first week or so that Jay had been admitted into the wellness center, so I decided to take Dr. Ramos up on her offer for some one-on-one counseling.

It wasn’t therapy. There were no breakthroughs. My husband had cancer and he died. We just talked like two women who’d been longtime friends. I’d forgotten what that was like. I hadn’t had a real girlfriend since my fallout with Elizabeth. And at the end of our sessions, I felt better, like I could breathe a little easier. But at the end of the day, I was still a woman who’d lost the love of her life to an ugly disease. I couldn’t protect him or take away his pain. I couldn’t save him.

“Hey, big sis.”

I roll my head to the side to see Liam leaning a shoulder against the doorframe. “Hey. You’re home?”

“Just got back.” He walks over to the bed to lie down beside me, tucking his hands behind his head. “What are you doing in here?”

“Just thinking.” I turn my head to stare back up at the ceiling. “She’s coming home tomorrow.”

“Bass told me. He and Grace are in the kitchen cutting up a bunch of fruit. When I asked him what he was doing he said, ‘Princess is coming home tomorrow.’” He lets out a soft chuckle. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Bass look so domesticated.”

I snort a laugh. “It’s been a very long six weeks for those two.”

“What about you?”

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