Page 6 of Whirlwind

“Jesus, no matter what Lanier does, it’s the best thing ever,” Myles muttered.

“Don’t worry, Myles, we all know you’re the lead. Damn, when all the prime attention isn’t on you, you get nervous, don’t you?” Zack’s strong voice rang out, his spiky hair shuddering as he spoke. “The fans dig Beck, they always have, and that’s a good thing. Deal with it, and deal with your own shit already. He’s having a hard night, fuck off already.”

Myles’s lips pressed together and he stood stock still. Zack had never criticized him before.

“It’s about the fucking music.” Jude’s eyes bugged out of his lean boyish face. “Us together, playing. People loving it, rocking out, finding what they need in what we give them. Jesus, this was our last show. I really fucking hate all this fighting about bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit, man,” Myles shot back.

Jude, always waving the white flag on the battlefield, through thick and thin. One of my best friends from high school, we had always played together. Shared the same musical interests and tastes, from a too early age would hit clubs in L.A. together. He’d even stayed at my house when he couldn’t hack his parents’ divorce drama. Onstage we could read each other’s body language and moods. He always had my back, and I had his.

I lifted my bottle. “I’ll drink to that. To the music.”

Jude let out a huge sigh and smiled at me. A sad smile, relieved smile.

“We got a lot riding on a second album,” Ford squeezed my shoulder. He was in coach mode now, inspiring, supporting. “The good news is—no, thegreatnews is—that we are in an excellent position right now with the success of the tour and the resurgence of the first album, and—I’m sorry to say it, but it’s the truth, Beck— your breakup scandal is the cherry on top. This tour may be over, but eyes will remain on you. Emotions and fan love and online support will be wildly on your and the band’s side. And that’s a real good thing. You can’t buy that shit.”

“At least not yet.” Zack cracked open a beer and drank.

Ford adjusted his jacket. “We’ve got to hit this party now. Let’s enjoy tonight and then you’re off.”

Off.

No more next stop. Next city, next pizza. Next bus ride. Next plane ride. Next sound check. Next hotel room. We were done. A piece of me was relieved. Sleep beckoned, numbness. No clocks, no schedules.

But another piece, a bigger piece felt like I was a little kid who’d gotten kicked off the Ferris wheel and my parents weren’t waiting for me at the bottom. I was alone, lost. Confused. Disconnected.

Nowhere to go.

My reflection in the big mirrored panel I didn’t realize was there stared back at me. Pale, haggard, worn out eyes, bony face. I looked like shit. I felt like shit.

I stuck out my tongue at myself.

3

Beck

How much boozehad I had since we left the arena?

A lot. And that wasn’t all.

We were sprawled in blacked out SUVs on the way over to some record exec’s mansion in a ritzy part of Denver. Zack had brought a groupie with him, and they were going at it in the back row of the vehicle. Jude handed me a pill. “Take it, it’ll make everything better. I promise.”

Jude always had a steady supply of magic pills and powders. He’d been into drugs since before high school, and was mostly stoned as a teenager. I enjoyed getting high, but not on the regular. Now, with money in his pocket, Jude entertained himself to handle the dull tediousness that was our daily life in between gigs, during the crazy intensity at gigs, and the vacant after.

Just until the next gig.

Oh wait, no next gig. No more gigs.I swallowed the pill.

We stumbled out of the vehicles. Judging from the house and the spread inside and out this party was meant to impress. The place was packed with well-dressed people of all ages who stopped and stared as our security commandoes, Gareth and Slim helped us weave through them.

I stuck with Jude, nodded and smiled as people bounced in our faces. All I wanted was booze. I was handed a jumbo glass of something cold and sweet, and, somehow, we ended up in the immense backyard.Was this a lagoon? Sure.

Huge rocks and stones created a jungle-like feel. Flames shot up from great boulders around an insanely large and very curvy swimming pool. Were they even real rocks? Two fake as fuck waterfalls illuminated by purple and pink lighting cascaded at one end. I laughed at the sight.

A bar island was in the center of the pool, where a naked chick prepared drinks and tongue-kissed her customers. At the far end of the pool was a sizable jacuzzi which was filled with people. Huge trees and plants draped over the area, making it seem cozy and exotic and private. Enormous green leaves waved at me, beckoned me.

“Jude, check out those leaves!”

---