Page 29 of Fury

I can’t. I can’t.

It was her warm skin against mine. The scent of her sweat and perfume in my nostrils. Yeah, I’d be with her, my body flaring to life under her, and then...then...

The flickers shivered through me, the torment simmered. I focused on the face inches from mine. Not Serena’s mouth, not Serena’s eyes.

“Get off me!” I grabbed the girl’s arms and shoved her away.

She slid down on the floor between my legs on a laugh, tugged down the zipper of my jeans and swallowed my dick.

I twisted away from her. “I said fucking stop!”

“Yeah, that’s what he needs, give it to him!” Reich’s voice jumped out at me. He shoved the girl back on me, keeping her head down over me, and she took me in deeper.

Images ofhereyes, the feel ofhermouth,herbody against mine assaulted me. I chased them all.

Serena.

I raised my hips, jamming my dick in her throat, and it scraped past her teeth. Something behind my eyes exploded, and I grunted at the flash of pain. Yes, the pain. That was real, that was familiar.

That was me and Serena.

My blood rushed into my skull as the orgasm crushed my insides. I moaned out loud, but not in pleasure. That phantom pain raced like electricity over my hands to where my middle fingers once were, across the skin of my face. My heart twisted tight as I waited for the knives...the roar of pain...that fuck’s laughter. Serena’s mouth was on me, wasn’t it? Her hands gripped my shattered body. The ghost of her caresses prickled over my skin.

I waited, but she wasn’t there, she wasn’t there. Not the lazy flick of her tongue, the nuzzling of her soft lips, the deep press of her fingertips in my flesh signalingI’m here for you, we got this, we can.

I’d never associated coming with a specific girl. Getting off was getting off. But not now. Now I needed Serena. She was inside my orgasms. I wantedher. I neededher.

Where the fuck are you, Serena?

The girl released me and, pushing down on my thighs, lifted up from the floor. She strolled off in her high-heeled boots.

I had to get out of here.

Staggering toward my room, my forehead slammed against the wall. This wasn’t what I wanted. This wasn’t enough.

Not anymore.

I’d never known what expectations felt like, never known any way better than the way I’d grown up. Never put a label on my situation, my feelings. My shoulders slumped, my insides ached. I wasn’t the club’s kid anymore.

All those years I’d burned for something I’d never known, and now I knew what that was. It was stronger than me. It was grinding and crushing and exhilarating, and I was nothing but dust before it. My throat thickened, my vision got hazy. I allowed that dark shadowy sensation to seep through and sink me to the bottom of my murky ocean. For the first time ever in my scrap of a fucking life I could name it, and I had to face it.

Loneliness.

So much goddamn loneliness.

I slid to the floor. Good enough was no longer enough.

Nothing is enough.

Still, deep, deep in the pit of my soul, a sad but clear pair of blue green eyes smoldered through the blur. Her long fingers beckoned me, her deep, steady voice promised me, her touch embraced me, and the pressure lifted off my chest. No, there was no escaping her. There would never be any escape.

I took in a long, deep breath and exhaled slowly. I had to make her escape happen.

For the first time in what felt like forever, that dead weight in my chest lifted.

And I smiled.

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