Page 219 of Fury

How long did it go on for? Did I want to know? It didn’t matter. It really didn’t. Why shouldn’t he have tried for happiness with Tania?

“Oh Lenore, we were only two people grabbing at something we couldn’t have.”

I plucked the shopping bag off the floor. “It has nothing to do with me.”

“That is such bullshit, and you know it! It was all about you!” Tania’s voice snapped. “You have to let him in. You have to tell Finger. I won’t ever. I made you that promise. But you have to tell him.”

To tell him would upset and shock him, and he’d probably hate me. To not tell him held up the barrier between us, a barrier I couldn’t pretend wasn’t there and enter into a relationship with him, casual or otherwise. Hell, there was no casual between us. That wasn’t us.

Either way, I’d lose him. Either way.

I folded the bag and placed it on a nearby box.

“Who’s afraid now?” Tania asked. “Finger knows I know more than I’ve been letting on. Honey, the other night was crazy.”

I’d pulled a gun on him, for fuck’s sake.

“He was so angry,” I said. “He got angry at you, too.”

“Yes, he did. But that’s because he felt powerless. He wants to help you, and he doesn’t know how. He’s desperate to reach you.”

My stomach curled at the memory of his very real desperation to reach me that night, to be good to me, to make me feel safe, to make me feel the emotion he still carried for me. That we were still possible.

If only I would—

My hands went over my ears.

“You still love him.” Tania pulled my hands from my head. “Can’t you say it? Why can’t you say it?”

Because the truth would slice deep. “Too much has happened.”

“No. You have to be brave. You have to be brave enough to act on that love.” Lacing our fingers together, Tania whispered, “How brave are you, Rena?”

I raised my head high. Since I’d met Finger, all I’d done was act bravely on that love. Everything I’d done was for that love.

Swords had hung over our heads, pendulums had swayed across our chests, we’d stood in line for our turn at La Guillotine. And yet, through all of that, all of it, we’d loved.

And now? Now that the way was clearer than ever before?

Still had to be brave. Still had to fight for it, risk for it.

I held Tania’s eyes. “How brave are you?”

61

Back in myoffice, Isearched online for every Lenore’s Lace ad. All of them were of her. Her face never in view, but she showed off her terrific body draped and wrapped in her sexy lingerie and her unique swirl of tats. So many tats. Over her body lay an epic composition in ink, woven with beautiful and menacing images. From behind vines and flowers and suns and moons and sparkling stars, lay savagery: a fanged beast with bloody claws ripping at a princess, a fairy angel dancing with a shrieking demon, a dragon rising over a hill of flames. A bleeding eye. Lenore had composed a restless, disturbing, oddly hopeful, gruesome baroque symphony.

I enlarged each photo, scrutinizing each compass on her torso, her ass, her upper back, her chest, the inside of a thigh. Each was paired with a series of numbers. Eight in all. I emailed them all to Den.

— Find these locations —

Within minutes, he sent me a list of locations. I ticked off each spot.

Missoula, Montana -where she was born

Emmet, Kansas -Med’s Smoking Guns chapter

Chicago, Illinois -her refuge with Tania

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