Page 164 of Fury

Saying goodbye to my son at the crowded security checkpoint at LAX yet again was hell.

“I love you, honey.” I kissed and hugged him, sniffing in the warm scent of his tanned skin and the mango coconut shampoo I’d created for him, which he loved and used religiously on his thick dark blond hair. I squeezed him harder. I didn’t want to let go. Couldn’t. Not yet. “Love you so much.”

I took in a deep breath and finally released him. Released him out into the world.

My own blue green eyes smiled back at me. “Love you too, Ma.” He held my hands. “I love what you did with my place. I love that we spent so much time together. That I got to take you out and show you off.”

“Keep going,” I said, swinging our hands, blinking back the wetness that gathered in my eyes.

“You’re the best and the most beautiful and the hottest. And you need to get out more.”

“Here we go again. I went out, didn’t I? Just because I don’t want a relationship doesn’t mean that I don’t—”

“I know, but hey, hey—TMI!” Laughing, he kissed my hand. “Text me when you get home, okay?”

“I will.” I kissed his hand back. That was something I’d started between us when I’d walk him to elementary school, and before I’d let go, I’d always kiss the hand I was holding. It had remained our little thing. Now that hand was making music, creating a glorious present and a vivid future.

I let go of his hand. “You go kick ass, Beck Lanier.”

“That’s what you taught me, Lenore Lanier. And that’s what I do.”

I held his steady gaze, clear and crystalline in the stark light of the airport. He was confident, he had no ghosts hounding him, no bloody specters looming over him, no reasons to look over his shoulder.

I smiled. Grateful, knowing in my bones that I had done good. “Love you, baby.”

He passed me my carry-on suitcase. “I know,” he said, his voice low. “Love you, too.”

I stroked the side of his face one last time, and with my heart up my throat, got in line at security and took in a long, deep breath.

Igot home to Meager latethat night and texted Beck right away that I’d arrived in one piece. I showered, changed into my favorite satiny slip nightgown and matching robe, and poured myself a glass of red wine. On my iPad, I hit the new playlist Beck had put together for me. Aretha’s gorgeous “This Bitter Earth” swelled in the room, and I grinned, letting out a sigh.

My boy knew me well.

With a sip of wine warming my insides, I curled up on my sofa and went through my cell phone messages and email.

—Hey, pretty lady. When you’re back and conscious, give me a call—

Tricky.

Tonight I was exhausted and a little sad and really didn’t want company. I only wanted quiet to catch up with myself. I’d call him tomorrow.

I scrolled down and clicked on a text from my essential oils manufacturer about an upcoming delivery. I was now creating a line of perfumed oils along with shampoo, body wash, and candles, and I’d been waiting on this French lavender delivery for a while now.

I scrolled.

A text from Grace.

— Welcome home! Tomorrow night is Ladies Night at Tingle and we’re all going. You can’t say no since you missed my baby shower! Last outing for Jill too! Mwah! —

Ha.That Ladies Night at the club’s strip joint had been in the works for a long while, and now it was finally happening. Jill’s due date was coming up in a month, Grace’s baby would finally be here. I smiled to myself as I tucked my feet under my legs on the sofa and texted back:

— Wouldn’t miss it for the world! Let me know what time xoxo —

I was sure Tania would be there. Grace and I had shared a few phone calls while I was in California. She had told me about Tania finally leaving her husband and having moved back to Meager for good.

I shut off my phone and tossed it to the other end of my low sofa. I pulled out the pins from my hair, shaking it free as Otis Redding crooned. In LA, I’d gotten my hair dyed black with thick streaks of blue and mauve. I lit my fig candle on my Mexican carved wood coffee table, and zoned out on the sofa with my wine, a small bowl of almonds, and Otis, Al Green, Marvin Gaye, Nina Simone for company. Bliss.

The following night I walked into the Tingle on the outskirts of Meager just after ten o’clock. I spotted the Jacks’ women the moment I’d stepped inside the nightclub. Mary Lynn, Suzi, Dee, Nina, and Alicia were there, as well as Grace and another woman with black hair. It was her. Those big and dark exotic eyes of Tania’s were unforgettable.

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