“Remember those little Western novels you used to read all the time?” she asks catching me completely off-guard for the second time in the space of three minutes. This time I bark a laugh before I can stop it.
“Those stupid things, that was like a million years ago,” I say and it’s the wrong thing to say.
Her brilliant smile falters and her eyes lose much of the happy softness.
I clear my throat. “Yeah, of course I remember. You used to find me wherever I was and bring your own books to read. Girly shit. But we were like, what, thirteen?”
I sit down next to her and wrap my arm around her shoulders, because she’s still not looking any happier. This was soon after Rook and Ines took me in and I preferred not to talk to anyone much. But it was nice just sitting with Harper and reading. She’s always had this unobtrusive softness about her and she didn’t talk much either. That’s probably when I fell in love with her, but I didn’t really know that until later.
“You used to like my books, don’t even try to pretend,” she says and presses closer to me.
“You wanted me to read them and I didn’t wanna be rude,” I say.
“Don’t lie,” she teases. “Little Women kept you up at night.”
“Well, that’s not something I’m gonna admit to anyone except you. But what’s that got to do with anything now?”
“Well, I booked us a cabin in the woods, near Pioneer Mountain. Figured we could stay there for a week or so around your birthday,” she says and adds, “Isn’t that one of the places those books were set? I thought it’d be a nice surprise,” as I just look at her funny.
“And you kept the reservation?” I blurt out for god knows what reason. Now, that would’ve been a surprise.
She laughs this time and shakes her head. “It was literally the first thing I cancelled when you left.”
“Yeah, that figures,” I say and laugh. She’s always been a grand gesture kind of girl, whether doing positive or negative things.
“But I’m sure they still have vacancy,” she adds. “It’s not a very popular destination. So how about it, outlaw country and all that? Just you and me, alone on the mountain. We can pretend we’re on the frontier and I can be your mail order bride or whatever?”
Thing is, she read my books too. I never figured she liked them much, but maybe I was wrong. She clearly remembers them well enough.
And yes, I want her to be my bride. More than I realized until she just said it. Even if it’s just pretend.
“Let’s face it, you would get recognized in Memphis so we’re better off in the wilderness,” she says, not just an edge but a very cold wind in her voice.
“We can still go to Memphis,” he says. “It’s what you want.”
She turns to me, the warmth in her eyes and her smile belying the cold wind of her words before. “What I want is to be with you. Even if we’re just playing house. I want us to be a family.”
Her voice falters and her eyes turn sad again, but she clears her throat and adds. “And I know that’s what you want too. So let’s do it.”
I just press her closer to me and kiss the top of her head, because I have no idea what to say. Or how to tell her she’s absolutely right without sounding like a total whining pussy.
Not that I’m risking much. She’s always known me and understood me better than I do myself.
“Let’s do it,” I say. “Let’s disappear for a while.”
Because it can only be for a while. It can’t be forever. She has her music to get back to. And her real family that don’t want me anywhere near her.
But that’s not something I have to worry about right now, so I won’t. It’s so easy to just be with Harper, always was.
16
Harper
Family. That’s what he wants. It’s why he’d always go with his mother whenever she decided to take him out of foster care, despite the fact that it would just get progressively worse each time she did.
And I always made the mistake of believing he had that with us at Sanctuary. He did, but that’s not how he saw it. And I didn’t understand that.
But sometime between confronting him about it yet again, speaking to my father, and Jax offering to take me to Memphis, because all he really wants to do is what I want to do, I finally figured it out.