Page 20 of Lily's Eagle

No use rushing. I’m on my way now. I can say goodbye to these forests properly now.

I wish I said goodbye to Eagle properly. But what good would that have done? He’d ask me to stay. And he wouldn’t offer to come with me because he can’t. I suppose I could probably convince Cross to let him come with me, but Eagle wouldn’t want to do that. And is there really a place for him in this new life I’m heading for? There wasn’t in the one I’m leaving behind, not really.

The night wants to show me pictures of the life I’m leaving behind. In vivid color and all the glorious detail. Hunter as a little boy, looking at me with wide eyes as blue as deep ocean, certain I know all the answers. Cross doing his best to be a good father to me. He was. I should’ve told him that at least once. He’d deserve that. Roxie and her natural talent to make everyone feel part of the family. Even me, who tried so hard not to belong there for so long. Eagle’s soft, warm lips, kissing me hungrily, yet gently after all these years of flirting…of wishing…

No, I won’t go there.

If it was meant to happen, it would’ve happened before last night.

A large part of what drew me to him and kept me glued was our shared Native heritage. But he doesn’t even know what tribe he belongs to. His father won’t tell him, and he never pushed to know.

I’ll call him when I get there. Say a proper goodbye. Or not. Maybe it’s better it ends between us now.

He’s in a lot of the visions interposed on the darkness though. In most of them, in fact. Does that mean something?

Visions are very important to my people. But is this one?

It just means he’s my friend, an old friend who’s been a part of my life in one way or another every day since I moved to Sanctuary.

I’ve forgotten so much of what my grandparents taught me about our ways before I left. I fought it, wrote everything I could remember down, but the years just kept coming, filled with all the other things that held my attention. Like my little brother, and my causes. School and friends. And they just swept my old beliefs and experiences away until it started to feel like all that was someone else’s life, not mine. Or like a dream.

I roll down the window to let the cold air dispel the fuzzy visions of everything I’m leaving behind.

There’ll be time enough to figure it all out, I don’t have to do it tonight.

By rights, I should be falling down tired, but with every turn in the road, every mile the tires of the pick-up eat up, I get more excited, more hopeful that now, finally, all the pieces will fall into place, and my life will make sense.

6

EAGLE

Gettingto sleep wasn’t as much of a problem as I thought it’d be, but not waking up damn near every half an hour feeling like the world’s biggest fool for kissing Lily last night proved an impossible feat.

My bed in the clubhouse seemed too narrow, the mattress too hard, the sheets too tangled, the small room that’s been my home since I was sixteen, too hot. Not to mention the noise wafting up from the bar downstairs which seemed to be getting louder and louder as dawn approached, instead of dying down. Usually, I’d just go down there and join the party on nights like this when the party doesn’t end, but not last night. No, after I dropped Lily off I snuck in through the back to avoid any kind of invitation to join in.

I needed to be alone with my mistake and my shame. And it was no less sharp in the cold light of the new day when I finally gave up on trying to sleep, and the stupid shame-filled dreams it brought.

Sounds of music and conversation coming from the bar grew louder and louder as I made my way downstairs, accompanied by snoring and the occasional female scream of rapture.

It’s almost nine AM, but there’s still a low-key party going on in the bar. A couple of MC brothers are enjoying slow lap dances from two of the new girls whose names I don’t know. Though “enjoying” might be an overstatement, since all four of them look half asleep. The room smells of spilt alcohol, mostly beer, cigarette smoke and too much of a good time.

“Where you going, Eagle?” Pike slurs as I pass him. The blonde in his lap is swaying to music only she can hear, it seems, because it doesn't match the one playing on the juke box. “The party’s just getting started.”

I have no idea if he’s joking or being serious. Neither option is particularly funny. Or inviting. So I just tell him to have a good time and lengthen my stride to reach the door. The fresh morning air feels like a blessing, but it doesn’t do much to clear my head.

The courtyard shows signs of the wild party last night too, primarily via discarded clothes lying in the dust amid empty bottles, shoes, belts and whatnot. A couple of brothers are leaning against the outside of the concrete structure, fast asleep. Just another Tuesday night, or whatever the hell day it was yesterday.

My phone starts buzzing right as I reach my bike, and I’m both hoping it’s Lily and praying it’s not. That just about sums up our relationship right there.

It’s not Lily, but Ash, my one time best friend, who disappeared into the Marines for about ten years and only recently got back. He’s my newest MC brother now.

“You still around?” he asks as I pick up.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I ask, my voice edgy since I’m not good at handling stupid questions after sleepless nights.

He pauses and I hear his girl Bea say something in the background, but can’t make out what.

“What’s going on?” I ask since he’s taking too long to say anything. “You need me for something?”

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