Page 72 of Rewrite the Rules

“You don’t have to if you don’t want. I’m only asking because I have to leave kind of early tomorrow.” I almost ask her if it’s okay before I remind myself that she’s not my girlfriend and I don’t owe anyone explanations.

“What?” Her expression is doubtful.

“Business. Steve is riding my ass about one of my companies. I have to head to New York first thing tomorrow morning. I’ll be gone for a few days.”

Adler chuckles humorlessly. “Right. Sudden business trip. You could just ask me to leave, Joel.”

“I’m not asking you to leave. I have to be up early and I don’t want to disturb you if you planned on sleeping in. But you should stay. I want you to. I have guest rooms.” Her sparkly blues darken a shade. She shrugs off my arm and breaks free of my embrace before she rolls off the bed.Dammit.“I didn’t mean it like that. I was just trying to be considerate. Adler—come on. Come back here.”

She turns her bare backside to me while she pulls on her sweater. “I can’t.”

“Seriously? You’re going to bang and bail?”

“Bang and bail?” She rolls her eyes as she walks back over to me. I scoot to the edge of the mattress to meet her. “Come on, boss. You can do better than that. It doesn’t even rhyme.” I wrap my arms around her waist and bury my head into the bumps in her sweater.

“Hit it and quit it seems a little lazy. You have something better?” I ask her.

“Smash and dash, pork it and cork it, rock the box then change the locks, plant the seed and pull the weed, pounce and bounce…to name a few.” Adler smiles wickedly.

“I’m concerned about how many of those you know.”

“Tip of the iceberg.” She clicks her jaw.Oh my god. She’s the female version of Cody.She plants a quick kiss on my cheek and then steps out of reach.

“You’re really going to go?”

“Yes. There are rules, Joel. I prefer to sleep alone anyways.”Said no woman, ever. Why is she acting like this?“Just email me whatever I need to reschedule on your calendar for next week, okay?”

“Okay,” I grumble. I have to admit, I was looking forward to falling asleep with her warm body beside me. Unlike Adler and the lie she just told, I have no problem admitting I hate sleeping alone. It might be one of the main reasons I stayed with Juliana for so long. This California king is cold and empty when I’m in it by myself.

Adler smiles sweetly, but her blue ocean drops are glistening like they are wet. “Thanks, I had fun. I’ll let myself out.” She swiftly exits, closing the door behind her.

After a moment or two, I drag myself out of bed and pull on my sweats. But I’m too late. By the time I make it to the living room she’s gone. I didn’t even hear the front door close. She got dressed and left like an assassin fleeing a hit. I should’ve said something or done something more. But what? What could I have done for my ‘just a friend’?

Felices startles me as he emerges from underneath the blanket on the living room floor. He blinks at me expectantly with glow-in-the-dark eyes. He tilts his head and meows as if to say, ‘you blew it’.

“What?” I snap at him. “What the hell was I supposed to say?Oooh baby, best fuck of my life? Marry me?”

Felices trails past me unbothered, no doubt to go reclaim my bed now that Adler and I are done in it.

twenty-five

Adler

Me:Sorry for the late text, but I changed my mind. I don’t want to be alone. Can you come over? Door is open.

Ipull my quilt covers over my head trying to hide from myself. In hindsight, I would’ve played this evening out very differently. Things got away from me toward the end.I made it out of Joel’s place before I completely lost it. I was barely down the hallway before I was in shambles. I’d say I was blubbering like a baby but it was a little more extreme than that. I could’ve filled a toddler-sized pool with my tears. My eyes were nearly swollen shut by the time I got into my rideshare and the driver knew better than to ask.

Joel wanted me to stay, but I couldn’t. He would’ve been so uncomfortable if I heaved into the pillow next to him all night. The minute we came down off our high, it hit me. I don’t know what kind of delusion I built up in my head about my ability to separate sex and feelings, but I got my reality check.

I’m an adult. I’ve neverneededa boyfriend. I thought we could just…fuck. Raw and wild and fun. And I tried to keep it only physical. I let him watch me as I touched myself. I sucked him for so long my jaw is sore. In fact, after his pants were down, I don’t even remember kissing him again.

I braced for it. No feelings. No expectations. I welcomed a dead end. Because who wants to want what they can never have? But who am I kidding?I am the weak gazelle.

Maybe I wanted sex to be awkward. Or disappointing. There would have been my reason. The reason that Joel and I shouldn’t be. But—no. It’s not just that the sex was incredible. Enviable. It’s that he was tender and patient. He didn’t even know my secret, yet somehow, he respected it. Slow. Soft. Sweet. That was his entire demeanor this evening. He held me like he meant it. Like maybe there was more…no.

Stop.

Why?Why couldn’t he have just fucked me? That would’ve been so much easier.

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