Page 40 of Rewrite the Rules

Joel pulls his knees to his chest and buries his head between them. “That’s the thing, Adler.” He speaks to the floor. “I’m never getting married.”

“I um…”Never? How can you know that already?

“That’s my whole issue with dating. When you’re a guy who never wants to get married or have children, it’s hard to form connections that aren’t one-sided.” He clears his throat, but his voice still comes through cracked and strained. “My last relationship ended badly. She told me she was okay with the fact that we would eventually part ways, but she got attached. She changed her mind and when I didn’t change mine, it crushed her. She spiraled. I’m the jerk who took years of her life and still wouldn’t marry her. Do you get what I’m saying?”

“Sure.” I press my hand deep into the rug fibers. I knit my fingers between the strands and grip like I’m trying to tug a whole handful right out.

Joel lifts his head to meet my gaze. His expression turns downwards from the harrowing lines of shame. “And I’m not looking for anyone to change me. My reasons are concrete and I’m tired of justifying them. You need to know that a relationship with me leads nowhere. And I’m learning no one gets hurt if you—”

“Don’t do relationships.” I bob my head. And we come full circle. Call me Sherlock, this mystery solved. Case closed. “It makes sense.”

Joel picks up the bottle and rotates his wrist as he inspects the wine. “This is the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received. I can’t believe you remembered this. Thank you, Adler. And just so you know, tonight I wish I was a different man. The kind who deserves you.”

Now I ride the silence. I search for words but they evade me. Quiet is not natural for me. When everything is quiet…I can hear myself think.

Dead end. There’s nothing here except a dead end.

But what about the journey?

“What do you need?”

“Sorry?”

“What is it that you need? Maybe if you explain it to me…” I place my hand against his cheek and he lifts his head. The short bristles of his five o’clock shadow don’t budge under my thumb. “I’m not asking you to defend yourself, I just want to know. Why don’t you ever want to get married?”

“It’s a long story,” Joel warns.

I gesture to my ponytail and casual-Friday jeans. “I suppose I can be late to the Met Gala just this once.”

“If you weren’t allowed to use sarcasm, how the hell would you communicate?”

“I couldn’t. These lips would shut forever.”

His eyes transfix on my mouth. There’s no misinterpreting what’s on his mind. It’s clear as day, every minute of every day, he’s been fighting it too. Just like me. We’re living with that carrot dangling in front of our faces, forever eluding us and for what? For this one little reason that now I have to unearth. Maybe Joel’s not the bad guy in my story. Maybe he can still be the temporary hero.

“How about we open this wine and I’ll explain everything.”

“But—I thought you only drank that with your parents. That was intended as a gift for you and your family.”

“I want to open this here, with you.” My heart flurries. I love the sound of those words as they roll off his tongue.With me.

“There’s a wine opener in my desk up front.”

“I’ll get it. I’ll hunt down some glasses from the break room too. You can’t drink this stuff from a Solo cup. It’s far too luxurious.”

I scoff. “It has a duck on it, how fancy can it be?”

“It’s a swan.” Joel hands me the bottle, encouraging me to check my math.

“What? I did not get that.” I peer closely at the label to reexamine the swirly silver lines that outline a feathered creature.

“Yeah, look.” Joel taps on the label. “The beak is pointier than a duck’s and it has that little mark down the center.”

“You need your glasses, my friend. That is most definitely a mallard.”

“Are you arguing with me about wine?” Joel shakes his head but grabs his glasses off the coffee table and slides them back on. I catch him glancing at the label one more time to reassure himself.

“No, I’m arguing with you about ducks, evidently. But go ahead, fancy pants, open the bottle. I’m ready to be impressed.” I stretch my legs and wiggle my toes in relief that my answers are coming. Answers prelude decisions. And I might decide to be exactly what Joel needs tonight. “The corkscrew is in my top right drawer.”

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