Page 35 of Rewrite the Rules

“Nope!” I can’t see her smile over the phone but I can damn well feel it.

“Come catch a movie with me and I’ll make it up to you. You can choose what we see and I’ll pay for popcorn, the jumbo-sized Coke, and I’ll even buy the nasty chocolates with the white plastic-tasting sprinkles for you.”

“Don’t talk shit about Sno-Caps. They serve a purpose. They balance out the sweetness of Buncha Crunch.”

“I’m buying both candies now?”

“And Twizzlers and I want a red ICEE.”

“What have you eaten today? You get sugar obsessed when you don’t eat protein.”

“I had milk with breakfast.”

“Was it in the form of sugar-laden artificially flavored coffee creamer? We’ve talked about this. Not all dairy is good protein. Eggs are good protein. Milk is—”

“Joel. You’re at a bar lecturing me about dairy. Get back to your date, Grandpa. I’m going to finish my episode and go to bed.”

I sign the tab for my beer and let the pen fall on the sticky bar counter. “It’snota date. I’d rather see a movie with you.”

She falls silent again. I check the screen to make sure we’re still connected. “You said you wanted to just be friends. I don’t think a dark theater after you’ve been drinking is a great idea for us.”

“You sure? I’ll up the ante. I’ll buy you Sour Patch Kids.” I whisper the last line like it’s sexy.

“Oooh, Mr. Lewis. Talk dirty to me. But unfortunately, I have to pass. I’m already in pajamas and if I’m being completely honest, I’m eating Sour Patch Kids as we speak.” She smacks noisily on the phone to prove her point.

Tidbit number fifty-two about Adler. She bites the heads off of Sour Patch Kids, animal crackers, and gummy bears first, because it’s way more humane to off them quickly.

“Of course you are. One day I am going to rat you out to your dentist.”

“Go ahead. Dr. Bryson is my sponsor at Candy’s Anonymous. I keep no secrets from my dentist, Joel. We’re approaching my recovery in phases. I’m not a cold turkey kind of girl.”

There’s suddenly a whopping impact to my shoulder. My beer sloshes dangerously and had I not already drained half of it, it would surely be pooling on the floor right now. Cody appears out of thin air with an obnoxious smile. The assault on my arm was his version of a playful punch. Even though he hasn’t trained in about eight months, he’s still two hundred and fifty pounds of solid muscle. I don’t know anyone else on the planet who gets more fit amidst multiple back surgeries. I resist the urge to rub my throbbing upper arm.

“Who are you on the phone with?” Cody bellows so loudly even Sarah from across the patio looks over. “Is that Addie-cakes?” He pokes where he punched me and I wince.

Addie-cakes? Come on!Adler and Cody met once.Once.He came by the office for lunch. I was stuck in meetings so Adler graciously showed him around downtown Denver and took him to our Thai place. Cody is basically my brother, so I did not research hitmen. But nonetheless it was a wakeup call that I need to get my jealousy under control. Adler’s not mine. She’s my friend.

I spin around, evading Cody’s grubby paws that try to snatch up my phone. “Adler, I have to go unless you want to talk to a tipsy oversized gorilla of a man. And I’m not talkingPlanet of the Apesgorillas with high intelligence and rudimentary English skills—I’m talking the actual, in the zoo, flinging feces kind of gorilla.”

“Oooh, no thank you to that. But I will happily call hungover Cody tomorrow bright and early to catch that little ray of sunshine.”

I laugh until an annoying realization overcomes me. “Wait. You have Cody’s number?”

“Goodnight, Joel. Get home safe.”

“Adler—wait. Why do you have Cody’s number?”

The line goes silent.

* * *

Cody joins me with a full beer at the high-top table overlooking the Denver cityscape. Rise has a stunning view, just like Adler promised.

“What happened to Sam?”

“Sarah,” I correct.

“The dancer?”

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