Page 24 of Rewrite the Rules

Cody rubs his eyes. A low throaty grumble of a laugh escapes his lips. “I’d make fun of you for striking out, but you didn’t even swing, did you?”

“No and I don’t plan to. Even tolerable sex mixed with chemistry like ours becomes a relationship. If I don’t date Adler, I can’t hurt her. I need women I don’t connect with.”

“Your logic is to sleep with women you don’t like? Good plan, bro. I feel like that’s going to work out really well for you.”

“Don’t question my reasoning. There’s a method to the madness.”

“I agree it’s madness.” He throws the entire stack of menus in the air so they shower down on me. Cody is sometimes like the annoying big brother that I definitely don’t need. I already have three. They are all equally vexing. “Go to work. I’m going out tonight. You should join me when you’re done in that stuffy prison of an office. I’ll try to find a total dud of a woman and make sure to tell her all about you. Maybe one with horns and a tail. Does that rev your engine?”

“Shut up, Cody.”

“Maybe one who likes to listen to Conway Twitty while doing needlepoint. That should get you all gassed up.”

“Shut it.”

“Ooh, ooh, how about I find a girl who is doing the baby food diet?”

“What the hell is that?” I gather takeout menus and stack them neatly back on the counter.

“It’s where you only eat jarred baby food. Apparently if you eat the same calories as a baby, you’ll weigh the same as one too.”

“That makes no sense.”

“It makes about as much sense as your current dating logic.”

Cody continues to ramble about all the women I pray I never encounter as I head out the door. Who am I kidding? There’s only one woman on my mind and I can almost guarantee I’m no longer on hers.

nine

Adler

My phone vibrates against the hard coffee tabletop. Noa scours the notification before handing it over. “It’s your boss.”

Joel:Thanks for all your help at the office this week. You’re doing a great job.

I take a swig from my Coors and toss my phone back onto the table. It bounces off and rowdily clatters when it hits the ground. Noa raises her eyebrows at me in question.I know.My current sourpuss attitude doesn’t suit me. But I’m just not full of sunshine lately.Okay? Leave it alone.

“How do I unsubscribe from certain text messages?”

“Like certain people? You block them.”

“No, as in certain hours. I haveto respond to him from nine to five.”

Reese’s curls go airborne as she dramatically plops down on my worn sofa. She joins Noa and me in front of yet another HBO rerun with a bowl of freshly popped popcorn. Reese’s ass is barely set on the cushion before two hands are pawing greedily at her lap, grabbing buttery handfuls.

“Animals,” Reese mumbles. “Geez, Bear.” She widens her hazel eyes as I twist the lid off a fresh bottle. “Are you drinking for all of us tonight?”

It’s Friday evening and we’re in the thick of our weekly tradition. Samosas, sangria, andSex and the City. After all these years, season one looks like it was shot with a tripod and questionable camcorder, but the stories still reign supreme. Best friends navigating love in the city? Apt. So we keep the tradition alive through old-school DVDs, DVRs, and HBO Max who had the good sense to house the entire series in their streaming library. This is the only reason they will get my fourteen ninety-nine monthly until the day I die.

As usual, Quinn is in the kitchen struggling with the sangria, so I swim in beer instead. It’s only a matter of time before she inevitably gives up on peeling and slicing fruit with my dull kitchen knives. My kitchen isn’t made for cooking. It’s designed to hold snacks, takeout leftovers, and six-packs of beer. My kitchen knows me. It gets me.

“Leave me be,” I snap. Noa and Reese both flinch. My snappiness is neither expected nor welcome. “Sorry.”

“Ruh-roh, what’s wrong with Baby Bear?” Mani asks from the sofa chair. Mani being in town is a pleasant distraction from my awkward work conundrum. It’s been so long since the five of us were all together. My apartment feels that much snugger in the best way.

“She came on to her boss two weeks ago.” Reese cringes.

“The idiot shot her down,” Noa adds.

---