Page 97 of Rewrite the Rules

“Hey, are you okay?” I hover over her so our eyes meet. I try to tell her with just a look that I’m still here.

It’s still me. It’s still us.

I look in those deep blues for any indication that we’re okay.

“Yes,” she answers simply as she shifts her gaze. I nudge against her entrance and she closes her eyes, letting part of me in while shutting part of me out.

* * *

She faked it.

I can’t fucking believe she just faked it.

“Are you okay?” I ask as Adler composes herself, fastening the ties around her panties and bra so quickly, you’d think she was acing a knots practical exam at the Naval Academy.

“Yes, Joel. Quit asking.”

“Did you…you know?” I’m curious to see if she’ll lie to me.

“Yeah,” Adler says as she kisses my cheek. But there’s no affection. Her kiss is a chore. She grabs her coat and covers herself.

Bold-faced lie.I’ve made that pussy explode so many times by now, I know exactly what Adler feels like when she’s coming. I know that her toes curl ferociously and the muscles of her thighs tense so hard they feel like stone. When Adler explodes, it’s dramatic and passionate. I love the way I make her lose it. Like I’m the only one and I do it best. Like she needs me. When it’s over she lies there with all her limbs limp as she revels in the high. I’m always patient with her because it’s at least a few minutes before she’s willing to hold a conversation again. I know her body better than anyone’s. Butwhyshe’s lying to me remains a mystery.

“I have to go.”

I roll my eyes as I button my pants. “You want to leave like this?”

“Like what?” she snaps. I’ve never seen her so on edge.

“Earlier you said you wanted to talk. You should cool down and then come over later. We can talk about whatever is pissing you off so much.”

“Excuse me?” Her tone drops to an angry decibel.

“Adler—the whole point of friends with benefits is that we’refriends. We don’t have to fight. What has gotten into you? Is it the condom thing? If it’s that big of a deal, I’ll fuck you again right now, without the rubber.”

“Oh my god, Joel. That’sbeautiful.Is that Shakespeare?”Great. Angry sarcasm. My favorite.

And this is the part I hate about relationships. When the honeymoon period is over and we are constantly triggered over God knows what. Where every step we take is careful so we don’t crush fragile eggshells. Where we should be making love but instead, we’re just making problems. This is not supposed to be happening with Adler. Friends with benefits is full of fun and none of the fighting.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong so I can apologize and we can get over it, please?”

She spins around. Her hair fans out and lags before whipping her across the face. At least she’s finally looking at me, but I’m not exactly enjoying the contempt in her eyes.

“The whole point of fuck buddies”—she mimics my earlier sentiment in agitation—“is that it doesn’t matter. We just fucked and we’re still buddies. Okay? That’s all you need and all you need to know.”

“Fine. Screw it.” I throw my hands in the air in frustration. It’s like a flashback to my childhood, right down to Adler slamming the door behind her. I put on my shirt and feel the slight irritation on either side of my shoulders from where her suede boots chafed me. I could not have picked a sexier setup. She looked amazing and felt amazing and I was in heaven while I was with her moments ago.

I just don’t understand how something that could feel so good to me could end up so miserable for her.

thirty-three

Adler

Ihave the perfect view of the sun poking over the mountains from the porch of the lodge. The freezing mountain air forces me to wrap myself in several blankets. My hands are barely warmed by the steaming hot cup of coffee I’m holding. Inside the lodge is the aftermath of the crazy festivities that we hosted last night. There are still drunk passed-out bodies lying on every couch and chair, and then some sprawled out on the floor.

The reunion rager that kicks off our annual girls’ trip is my least favorite part of the weekend. But today, we hike. Just the five of us talking as we take in the beauty of the Rocky Mountain National Forest. Judging by the biting cold of the morning air, I’m going to be met with a lot of complaining and protests, but they can suck it up—it’s tradition. I endure the party, they endure the hike. It’s fair.

Noa is usually out here with me in the mornings. But I’m assuming after Chase Ford showed up to the lodge last night and professed his unwavering love, she probably was up pretty late and has opted to sleep in. I’ll allow everyone at least another hour of sleep before I wake all their asses up to get on the trail.

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